OUR society maintains rigid standards for legacies and "normal" families, standards it imposes heavily on men, yet it is women who consistently suffer the consequences of collective illiteracy.
We live in an era of rapid technological advancement, yet when it comes to the biology of the human body, many remain anchored to medieval prejudices.
The weight of expectations is often placed on the shoulders of those least responsible for the biological outcome, creating a cycle of shame that is as unscientific as it is cruel.
Recently, I attended an event hosted by a phenomenally successful woman.
She is a titan of industry, surpassing most in wealth and prosperity. However, as I sat there, the women next to me began to whisper. To them, her brilliance was irrelevant.
They muttered that her achievements didn't matter because her husband had left her for a mistress. The "reason" provided by the gossipers was that she had "only" given birth to daughters. They went on to blame her for failing to provide an heir to carry the family line, as if her success was a hollow consolation prize for her "failed" reproductive duties.
I sat there, maintaining a mask of composure out of courtesy for my elders, but my mind was racing with questions: Are girls not heiresses?
Since when did a double-X chromosome disqualify a child from a legacy? And, most importantly, do we still not understand how basic biology works? When I dared to push back against their narrative, their response was chilling: “Who cares? A woman must be fruitful. People don’t even care about the reason behind it.” As frustrating as their ignorance was, I knew they were right about one thing: society often doesn’t care about the "why" when it has a woman to blame.
But the "why" matters and the science is clear. Biologically, the sex of a child is determined by the father’s sperm. Every woman carries two X chromosomes. A man carries one X and one Y. If the father’s sperm contributes an X, the child is a girl; if he contributes a Y, the child is a boy. Scientific research, including studies published in the Journal of Applied Genetics, confirms that the "choice" of sex happens at the moment of conception based entirely on the male gamete. To blame a woman for not producing a son is like blaming the soil for the type of seed the farmer chose to plant.
Furthermore, infertility is rarely a "one-sided" issue, despite the social narrative. According to the World Health Organisation, infertility affects millions of people of reproductive age worldwide.
Research indicates that in roughly one-third of cases, the issue rests with the male, one-third with the female and the remaining third is a combination of both or unexplained factors.
Yet, the social stigma remains lopsided, shielding men from the reality of their own physiology while leaving women to navigate the fallout alone.
To understand the weight of this burden, I spoke with two women who requested anonymity.
Their stories are mirrors of a broken system. The first has been married for five years without a child.
"The doctor said there is nothing wrong with me," she shared. "But my husband refuses to visit a male fertility clinic. He insists that fertility issues always lie with the woman and says he is 'being patient' with me."
This "patience" is a thin veil for avoidance. Meanwhile, she bears the brunt of the family’s cruelty. She avoids family functions to escape the piercing questions: Chiitai mwana, muchaita mwana riini? (Make a baby, when will you make a baby?)
The second woman is a mother of five daughters. She described how the atmosphere in her home soured after her second girl was born. The excitement vanished, replaced by a growing coldness from her in-laws. She was eventually labelled "Mai VeMahure", a derogatory term implying she was only capable of producing girls who would grow up to be "prostitutes," because she had no sons to "protect" the lineage.
Her husband eventually sought a son elsewhere. In a twist of poetic justice, his mistress gave birth to two more girls.
This is not just a "women’s issue". It is a human rights issue and a literacy crisis. When we allow men to bypass the fertility clinic while their wives are subjected to invasive tests and social shaming, we are choosing ignorance over family health.
When we treat daughters as "placeholders" for sons, we are devaluing half of the human race. We must stop treating the womb as a scapegoat for biological processes that involve two players. In the game of conception, there is no "sole proprietor."
The next time you are at a gathering and hear someone whispering about a woman’s "failure" to conceive or produce a son, speak up. Correct the science. Remind them that a legacy is built on character and love, not just a Y chromosome. To the husbands: be partners in health, not just in name. Go to the clinic. Support your wives. Legacy is not about the gender of the child; it is about the quality of the ancestors we choose to be. It is time we stopped punishing women for the laws of nature.
