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Marriage: Husband and wife or Husband versus wife?


A fortnight ago I did an article entitled, “A visit to the pub” where I aired men’s marriage concerns. The flip side saw wives spitting venom on husbands.

The concern of my inquiry is to find out if husband and wife are living as a unit or as two opposing camps. Some couples are still living under the same roof but practically they have since divorced eons ago, husband and wife operating separate budgets.

To understand better, we need to look at the origins of the marriage institution. After creating man, God found that it was not good for man to live alone and He created woman. The two are thus supposed to live together as husband and wife for the rest of their lives.

As time went by, problems entered marriage and God allowed divorce because of infidelity only. Let me be quick to say that it is not a must to divorce if you discover that your spouse has cheated on you. You can speak it over and continue to live happily.

However, wives bear the brunt but men rarely give you a chance if you cross the line. However, none of you should be unfaithful.

Couples celebrate 25, 50 and more years of “happy marriage” whereas others have never enjoyed a single day of happy marriage.

Some people enter marriage pre-programmed that they are going to face challenges and that their spouses will be a problem. Society has formatted them to be pessimistic. Women say, varume vanonetsa (men are a problem) and men say, vakadzi havanzwisisi (women do not understand).

Do not enter marriage to solve non-existent problems. No one is better than the other; you are only complete as you complement each other.

Based on the Scriptures, the panacea for a happy marriage is simple. Firstly it has to be God-ordained. Wife has to submit to the husband.

The Bible gives the example of Sarah’s submission to Abraham and advises Christian women to follow suit. Submission does not take away your rights but enforces your benefits. Ephesians 5:24, King James Version, reads, “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Wives, respect your husbands.

One of my Bible college lecturers gave his life to Christ because of his wife. Before he was born again, he would go back home very late from the pub and vomit on the floor.

His wife would act as if nothing had happened and clean up the mess and continue to love him even more. On Sunday mornings he would make sure he would delay the wife and children going to church by demanding water to bath and breakfast just as they were about to leave for church. The wife would oblige. In these days of equal rights, this type of woman is rare.

One day he came to his senses and followed the family to church and gave up his life to Christ. He is now a distinguished man of God. The Bible says that the inward appearance of a woman shall win her husband to Christ.

Lest men may think they can enslave their wives. God demands that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church. Jesus loved the church before it loved Him and died for it. In street lingo, “Husbands should die for their families” supporting and defending them. Jesus’ love for the church was not romantic mood or emotion but choice and commitment.

Travelling from Gweru last week with two couples, one of the husbands said, “Wife should be beaten up into my system.” The Bible demands that there should be no spot or blemish on the wife. Treat them as weaker vessels and as part of your body. Grieving will block answers to your prayers and progress in life will be stalled.

I cannot exhaust this topic in a setting like this. I have offered this as a starting point to remove animosity in marriages. Consider the interests of your spouse. An elderly couple told me that the reason why they now say they have been happily married is not that they had no differences but that they talked them over in love.

I know there have been so many societal changes but generally husband and wife should not neglect their God-given duties nor give them to other people in pursuit of careers.

Those that should be respected should be respectable and those that should be loved should be lovable.
Never enter into unwanted marriage because of pressure from family or society, marry the one you want to marry.

Scripture Reference: – Ephesians 5:22-6:4; Colossians 3:18-21; 1 Peter 3:1-7 and Genesis 1- 2.

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