THERE are some traditions and cultures that Zimbabweans should take stock of as they are not only archaic, but are also meaningless.
I have over the past three decades observed a number of incidents involving men that have never participated in raising children they sired with their ex-partners or children merely born out of wedlock, and yet demand lobola or freebies from these children.
And the sad thing is that mothers of these children actually don’t protest about these issues as they feel it is culturally acceptable.
Take, for instance, one young woman, who never knew her father, but he only pitched the day lobola or bride price was being paid for her.
The girl screamed at the top of her voice demanding to know why her biological father had been invited to the ceremony. There was chaos, as the daughter wept uncontrollably at the presence of a man she hardly knew, who now wanted a share of the bride price.
Her maternal relatives calmed her down and told her that they would solve the problem during proceedings.
When time for her paternal relatives came for them to demandpayment known as rusambo in Shona, her mother quickly went into her bedroom and brought a bunch of receipts, which she had kept from the time the girl started school up to the time she did her master’s degree.
The young woman attended some Portuguese school in Greengrove area near Msasa proceeded to high school at another expensive school in Chisipite, then went to Rhodes University for her first degree and master’s programme.
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The father left her mother with five children, when the youngest was at the crawling stage. He never looked back and when the mother of the children sued for maintenance, the man said he could only afford ZW$10.
This man worked in the uniformed forces and the matter died a natural death. The mother assumed the role of both mother and father until the children were all adults.
The woman handed the receipts to one of her brothers that were in attendance and notified the gathering that the man had to clear the school fees bills first before he could be given lobola for his daughter.
This man left his wife when the girl was still in Grade Five and even then, he was an irresponsible person, spent his cash on other women.
Now retired and penniless, he was looking forward to the day he would receive lobola for his four daughters.
The man, who had come in the company of his sisters as demanded by tradition, was shocked as the mother of the children narrated how she had been deserted and left to fend for these children single-handedly.
She explained how she had sold second-hand clothes to supplement her meagre income to raise the children, while the man drove flashy cars and never sent a dime for the children’s upkeep.
He had already taken in a new woman after selling their matrimonial home and bought a new one registered in the new wife’s name.
But the couple somehow lost the home over some bank loan which he had failed to service and had since moved to his rural home.
Tempers flared with relatives saying it a cultural dictate for a father to get his dues when a daughter is getting married. Women in attendance wept uncontrollably, as they also recounted how the mother of these children had suffered alone and nearly lost her life in a car crash, as she travelled to Mozambique to buy second-hand clothes for resale in Zimbabwe.
The gathering decided to give this man a minute fraction of the money he had asked for, which was enough for him and his relatives to travel from Bloomingdale to Mbare Musika, where they would catch another bus to their village.
Then we have instances where such a father dies and as Shona culture demands, when a ritual to bring the spirit of the dead man back to look after his children is conducted a year after burial.
Surely how does a man who spent over 30 years absent from his family return as a spirit to look after his children? These are children that he, in some instances, hated so much because he disliked their mother; children he never visited or bought any goodies.
Sometimes it is not money that really matters especially if a father is not able to provide, but the mere presence and care and interaction with his children that is of paramount importance.
Some African men breed children they do not take care of and yet want to live off them years later under the guise of culture and threats that evil spirits will haunt them.
Where were the evil spirits when these men had turned their backs on these children for decades? What kind of a culture is that?
The world is diverse and culture is dynamic because it changes and being stuck in old and ancient ways of doing things, which are not in sync with modern life styles does not help at all.
I personally would rather adopt and modify a culture that suits my present circumstances and not delve in the past, which I never lived nor will ever understand.
I think proponents of culture should first start by adopting the olden way of dressing (nhembe) and go back to the Stone Age lifestyle, instead of shoving down such a culture in the throat of a 30-year-old woman who has lived all her life in the city.
If culture was so important, then someone should have taken their time to teach their children like what most Asians do. They live through their culture no matter where they are and not force it upon children. Can someone tell me what culture Zimbabweans are following?
I don’t see anything traditional in Zimbabwe from the way we dress, eat and even talk. So why bother? To me, the tradition of marriage culture is foreign and especially where it concerns children abandoned by their fathers . . .
And who said children cannot “return” as avenging spirits upon the death on their fathers? Food for thought.
Let’s hear your views.
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