THE digital era is a double-edged sword; information is more accessible than ever, provided you know where to look.
This past weekend, the self-appointed judges and jurors of social media were occupied with the intimate marital affairs of the Nyathi family.
Following their interview on Tete Tilder Moyo’s popular live show regarding the complexities of marriages in the diaspora, the court of public opinion went into session.
While the interview served to confirm rumours of infidelity that surfaced last month, it was a specific comment from “Mai Nyathi” that struck a chord.
She stated that she blamed herself for her husband’s infidelity, citing her “moodiness” during pregnancy as a catalyst.
This revelation highlights a heartbreaking reality: women are often the first to shoulder the blame for a partner’s betrayal, while their own mental well-being is treated as secondary.
In our African society, infidelity has been dangerously normalised.
It frequently hides behind a “cultural shield”, with many claiming that “our ancestors were polygamous” to justify modern-day cheating.
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It is remarkable how selective we are with tradition.
Our ancestors were also hunters and gatherers who worshipped through spirit mediums, yet those aspects of heritage are conveniently ignored.
Culture is not a buffet to be picked through only when it serves to justify irresponsible behaviour.
The phrase “I blame myself” does not occur naturally.
It is the end product of psychological manipulation, victim-blaming and a societal attitude that trivialises a man’s lack of discipline.
Psychologists at California State University note that self-blame is often a coping mechanism — a way for women to rationalise staying with a partner.
However, history and psychology suggest that a leopard rarely changes its spots. When a cheater is forgiven without true accountability, the takeaway is often that they can simply get away with it again.
During the interview, the sentiment was raised that “men face many temptations”.
This begs the question: do women not face the same?
After reciting vows and pledging loyalty, why is one partner’s word so easily discarded?
The issue is exacerbated by toxic Shona proverbs that have become the sound track to many women’s lives: “Hakuna murume asingahure” (There is no man who doesn’t cheat) or “Murume haasiirwe chihure” (You don’t leave a man for cheating).
These statements trap women in loveless, stressful marriages, forcing them to prioritise the “Mrs” title over their own happiness and sanity.
Furthermore, we must address the nature of the apology.
Often, men apologise for being caught, not for the act itself.
Narcissistic behaviour shifts the burden of guilt onto the woman, implying her actions drove him to stray.
In the Nyathi case, blame was even diverted to “Satan”.
This lack of accountability is both irresponsible and manipulative.
While the ideal would be for couples to honour their vows, we must accept that if love has dissipated, separation is a valid option.
Sadly, the cycle of abuse continues online.
Netizens are now attacking Mai Nyathi for staying, even mocking her appearance and suggesting she “deserved” to be cheated on.
As I discussed last week regarding cyberbullying, these continuous online attacks only deepen the cycle of self-blame and mental health decline.
We must stop teaching our daughters that the Mrs title is worth the price of their soul and stop telling our sons that their character is secondary to their “nature”.
Let us retire the proverbs that excuse betrayal and replace them with a culture of accountability.
The next time you hear someone say, “Hakuna murume asingahure”, challenge them.
Silence is the soil on which these toxic attitudes grow.
