I DO not have to define passivity as I am fully aware many of us understand what it is all about when coming to family leadership.
Kilton Moyo
We see Adam the first human husband commit the sin of passivity in the Garden of Eden.
He was with the wife Eve when the serpent deceived her and Adam chose to remain silent and not defend his wife. This is the kind of passivity that I want to talk about.
Adam had the right, authority and capacity to stop the whole thing but he remained passive allowing his wife to be cheated and consequently causing him also to disobey God and cause the whole human race to fall.
The effects of leadership passivity are far reaching and even today this generation suffers from it. Protecting his wife was his duty and role, but for whatever reasons, he could not.
From this moment on, many husbands have failed in their duty to defend and protect their wives, also choosing to be passive, where it matters the most. Let me just illustrate two examples.
Failing to protect your wife against your people
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Many of us remain passive when our people run all over our wives, turning them into communal or clan properties.
Most man would keep silent or withdraw, claiming it is an honour to their parents.
How on earth do your honour your parents by allowing them to abuse your wife?
We commit the sin of passivity hiding behind the cultural and traditional fingers that our wives must serve our people and work for them. This is not of God beloved.
The duty of every husband, particularly a Christian husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church.
This kind of love protects and dies for. Most marriages are suffering the effects of this serious attitude by many of us men.
Some of us would even turn against our wives in favour of our people. We even go to the extent of beating and divorcing them so we can impress relatives who need deliverance more than anything else.
Such failure to be responsible must be taken seriously and maybe rebuked so husbands could be what God expects them to be. A husband protects even by correcting or suggesting otherwise. My encouragement is to us all men out there to stand up for their wives. Stand for what we love.
We do not honour by destroying and absconding from our duty as husbands. Honour your people by showing them the truth. Honour them by teaching them to respect your wife if they really love you.
Failing to protect your wife from herself
I am not trying to torch a storm here, but you must understand that women by nature love many things and it is not a weakness. They are relational people.
Eve loved nature around her and I am sure she was busy as usual admiring the garden and then the devil met her in that area of her passion.
Adam was supposed to protect her but he did not. Most of us cannot advice our wives when it comes to such issues of focus and budget management and buying out of need and not want.
Many women would buy by sight. It is in this area also that husbands could come in to assist. I know that many men I speak to feel this is a no go area.
They would rather let go, but I suggest that we need to attempt it by love. Giving guidance is our duty. Suggesting positively is our calling as men and we cannot neglect this one.
Passivity can lead to unnecessary quarrels at home. It can strain relationships and lead to the destruction of marriages. I am not talking about being a grumbler, but about engaging each other for clarity before it is too late.
Have you ever noticed that many of us who cannot protect or advice or even suggest, we grumble, complain and shout? I believe that we need to take leadership — active leadership for that matter.
Leadership protects and builds. Leadership sustains. Marriage requires active leadership that operates by unconditional love. The family longs too for such leadership and this kind will then cascade to the society at large. It all starts at home.
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Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of Marriage Fitness. Call or WhatsApp on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 [email protected].
