WHEN relationships break down, it is often children who pay the highest emotional price. Separation can trigger fear, anger and mistrust between parents. In the midst of this conflict, many decisions are driven by feelings and misinformation rather than by the law or by what children actually need.
In Zimbabwe, as in international law, the principle is clear and uncompromising: children are not weapons to be used, or property to be claimed. The only question the law asks is: What is in the best interests of the child? Harmful misconceptions continue to fuel unnecessary conflict; and sadly children suffer the consequences.
Untruth 1: Mothers automatically get custody upon separation
One of the most common beliefs is that mothers have a superior right to custody and that fathers have little chance of being granted care of their children. This is not the legal position. Section 81(2) of the Constitution of Zimbabwe provides that “a child’s best interests are paramount in every matter concerning the child.” This principle removes any presumption based on gender. The focus is not whether the parent is a mother or father, but whether that parent can provide stability, safety, emotional care and consistent support.
The Guardianship of Minors Amendment Act, 2022 reinforces this equality by replacing earlier language that favoured the mother with provisions recognising that either parent may be granted custody, depending on what arrangement best promotes the child’s welfare. The reality is simple: a mother does not automatically get custody, and a father is not automatically excluded.
Untruth 2: Young children must stay with their mothers
Closely linked to the first myth is the belief that young children, especially infants and toddlers, must live with their mothers regardless of circumstances. While the age of the child is one factor considered by the court, it is not decisive. Courts examine a lot of issues especially which environment offers greater stability and emotional security. If a father has been actively involved in caregiving or is the best carer in the circumstances, custody may be granted to him. The guiding principle remains the child’s welfare; not tradition, custom or assumptions about gender roles.
Untruth 3: Custody means control; the other parent can be excluded
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Another damaging misconception is that the parent who has custody can decide whether the other parent sees the child. In law, custody and access are separate issues. Where one parent has sole custody, the other parent generally retains the right of access to maintain a relationship with the child, unless such contact endangers the child’s safety.
Some parents deliberately frustrate access or alienate a child from the other parent. Such behaviour may be interpreted as acting against the child’s best interests.
The danger of using children as weapons
When relationships break down, some parents use children as instruments of revenge or leverage. This may take the form of blocking communication or turning the child against the other parent. Such conduct causes deep emotional harm. Children exposed to parental conflict often experience anxiety, guilt, behavioural problems and long-term difficulties in forming relationships. Courts increasingly favour the parent who demonstrates emotional maturity, co-operation and a willingness to support the child’s relationship with the other parent. A parent who promotes conflict may ultimately weaken their own case.
Untruth 4: Custody is about parental rights
Many custody disputes are driven by the idea that parents must fight for their “rights.” But the law does not ask who deserves the child. It asks where the child will thrive. Section 19(1) of the Constitution places a duty on the State to ensure that children are protected and that their welfare is prioritised. Courts, therefore, consider a wide range of factors, including stability of the home environment, the child’s needs, the physical and mental health of caregivers and the child’s opinion, depending on age. The inquiry is holistic and child-centred. The goal is not to reward or punish parents, but to secure the child’s long-term wellbeing.
When neither parent is suitable
Perhaps the least understood aspect of custody law is that parents do not have an automatic right to custody if they are unable to care for the child adequately. Where both parents are unable to provide a safe, stable or nurturing environment, due to neglect, substance abuse, instability or ongoing conflict, the court may grant custody to another suitable person, such as a grandparent, relative or even the Department of Social Development (Welfare). This reflects a fundamental principle of child protection law: parental preference cannot override the child’s welfare.
The hidden harm of denying access
Denying a child contact with a parent without valid reasons can have lasting psychological effects. Children may experience feelings of abandonment, confusion about their identity and divided loyalties. Over time, such separation can damage the child’s emotional development and sense of security. Parents also forget that they may die or become incapacitated to be the sole caregiver in a child’s life hence alienating the other parent may not auger well for when they are no longer in the child’s life. Unless contact poses a real risk, maintaining meaningful relationships with both parents supports healthier emotional and social wellbeing.
A child-centred approach to separation
Parents who are separating should understand that courts look favourably on those who demonstrate responsibility and co-operation. Evidence of involvement in the child’s daily life and emotional care is important. So is the willingness to communicate respectfully and to place the child’s needs above personal grievances. Ultimately, custody disputes are not about winning. They are about creating a stable, loving and secure environment in which a child can grow and develop. Custody is not about scoring points. It is not about gaining an upper hand. It is not to be used to stop providing child support to a custodial parent or to gain maintenance, but it is about genuine care for a child’s welfare.
Parents facing separation must, therefore, ask a difficult but necessary question before every decision:
Is this about my child’s wellbeing — or my own anger or leverage?
