This is a tough question that many of us in marriage do not ask ourselves as often as we should do. Instead most people ask themselves the most dangerous and destructive question, what do I get from this marriage. You never get from marriage what you did not put in it. Marriage is made. It does not just happen because you have wedded and many people attended your wedding etc.
Relationships: Kilton Moyo
It is made by you as a couple and not by your prophet or relatives etc. To make marriage, the question to ask always is on what you can invest in it.
This makes you personally responsible. It makes you personally focused on making and building your marriage. The role of building the marriage is for both couples and not just one of them. I wonder how many of us really would like to invest their all in their marriages these days. Let me just share with you maybe three things you must invest in your marriage.
Share your life
Marriage is a journey of sharing and not acquiring. Those spouses who are not prepared to share, fail in marriage. The one important thing to share is your life. There is no hiding yourself in marriage.
Your spouse has become part of your life and you now have to be not only transparent, but also vulnerable to them. You have no secrets your spouse does not know. Sharing your life as a couple requires you to be open with things. Be open with your communication. Be open with your activities and priorities. Be open with your friendships and relationships. Be open with your deals.
It also means that your spouse is sharing in all these issues. Beloved marriage is a journey of two people growing into one person. How do you grow into one when you are not knitting your lives together?
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The ultimate purpose of marriage is so that you are one flesh and portray the real image of God.
You should then be willing to let go yourself and be one. That is why the Bible says that your body is your spouse’s responsibility now that you are married.
Many couples resist this integration of lives and want to remain independent and this does not make marriage. How willing are you to share your lives? How can two walk together unless they are in agreement?
Share your love
Love is beautiful when shared lovingly and equally. You cannot walk with your spouse and you are hiding or withholding love. Love grows in us when given away. Love works when given away towards a chosen recipient.
The recipient of your love is your spouse. Your spouse is your number one target humanly speaking. How prepared are you to share your love? You share your love through many ways but herewith just a few to challenge you. How romantic are you towards each other? Beloved your romantic actions are not about what you want to get.
They are all about you giving love to each other. These acts have nothing to do with sex. Have you seen how you joke and play and become free with your workmates that is what you should be doing with your spouse?
Most of us get cheated out. We are so free and so romantically excited when among our workmates and only to become stony when with our spouses. How often do you just sit and laugh with your spouse? How often do you go out as the two of you just to take a walk or drive and focus on your joy and not problems? You will find that most of us talk too much about our problems and never about our love.
Problems will stress you. Love or romance will refresh you and give you the desire to live more or work more.
Beloved love is given in order to be received. Let me put it the other way round. Receiving love is giving it away.
Marriage is the place of giving love even by the smallest of actions. Bringing home a sweet, a banana or anything.
Massaging his or her feet. Doing her nails. It is many small things that we ignore and think are for young people.
How willing are you to share your love? This is huge investment into your marriage.
As I said before, try your best to be an investor in your marriage. Investors do get from their investments. It is what you are putting in that marriage which matters.
I pray and believe you are putting what you want to receive and enjoy. You are not too late to change the course of your marriage. We are here to help you do just that and remember God is here to build your marriage if you allow Him.
Follow us on all our media channels and call us or write to us. You can also read our book Marriage Fitness.
At Fruitful Marriages we offer you very sound, practical, relevant and restoring coaching and counseling on marriage. We are available seven days a week. Invite us or attend our meetings.
Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of Marriage Fitness. Call or whatsapp on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or kilton.citizenafrica@consultant.
