Marriage is an interesting institution that thrives on open and good communication. Most of us couples have yet to learn to open up our communication skills so as to help promote stability and peace in our marriages. Good and open communication involves two key aspects called talking and listening.
It is the duty of every couple to school themselves on these two aspects, so they could always understand each other well. You must remember that most of us do not talk to each other, but shout and accuse and never listen to what our spouses are saying.
This is a poor way of communication that has cost a lot of people many good things in marriage. Love does not shout or blame or accuse. Love talks and inspires. Love listens. That is why the Bible says love is patient and endures all things. I think it is important for us couples to learn communication from the point of view of love. Today, I just want to run through this important subject and try and encourage debate so that we can help each other.
Be a good listener
James 1:19 the bible teaches us to, “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”. Most couples are suffering from poor communication because they never listen to each other. They just talk without listening. As long as you do not want to listen, you will never solve your problems. You are worsening your situation by talking too much before you even here what your spouse is saying.
Train yourself to listen until the person has finished saying what they want to say. When your spouse is speaking, listen; do not be planning to counter attack. Do not feel condemned when they are expressing their views. They have the right to.
They are telling you what they are feeling. Your duty is to listen and bring peace. When you shout back and give them no room to express themselves, you are oppressing open communication. You are sowing strife in your marriage. Most of us are poor listeners and we love talking too much and unnecessarily. Love is patient and listens. Love seeks to make peace and not control or hurt.
Talk and do not shout
There is a difference between talking and shouting. Even when you are angry, teach yourself to talk to your spouse and not shout at them. Shouting pollutes communication and the atmosphere of your marriage and home.
Proverbs 10:32 in the Message Bible says it well: “The speech of a good person clears the air; the words of the wicked pollute it.”
Knowing what to say and when to say it clears the air. The purpose of open communication is to clear the air. It is to cause understanding and eliminate ambiguity and suspicion. A couple that talks to each other well, lives in a clear atmosphere.
Remember, words are creators of atmospheres. On the contrary, shouting pollutes the atmosphere. It pollutes the air. Many of us live in polluted atmospheres in our homes because of our words. Beloved, right words and the right time are beautiful (Proverbs 15:23).
Open communication is about choosing our words. It is about speaking the words to eliminate offence and strife. We need to be lovers who are able to choose words because your desire is not to harm your lover, but build them up. You see, your tongue has the power of life and death as Proverbs 18:21 teaches.
Always use right words
Have you read of late what Proverbs 25:11 says about the right words? Again the Message Bible puts it very clearly: “The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewellery, and a wise friend’s timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger”.
Communication is promoted when we are deliberate on the use of right words. Wrong, strong and bad words kill communication and our marriages. Beloved, marriage is a place of tenderness. It is a place of gentleness. We are tender and gentle with words as we are with our actions.
Our words determine our actions. We do what we say and I would therefore have you speak good words so you can do good to each other. Do not speak with your spouse when angry with them. You will say wrong words. Deal with your anger first and then speak only to correct and not to accuse. Do not be an accuser of your spouse, but be their uplifter. Your words do it well.
Let me bring this to a close. I hope this inspires you towards open communication. Do not hide your feelings to your spouse. Speak but with wisdom and love. Do not be a spouse who talks before they think.
Consider many things before you say your words. Marriage survives on open and good communication and right words. Words of love and hope. Shouting, blaming and accusing are not aspects of love but of evil. Maybe somebody out there needs help with communication. Take care.
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At Fruitful Marriages, we are there to inspire you and enrich you and challenge you towards wisdom, understanding and knowledge. Make effort to benefit tremendously from our school of marriage. You will be enriched.
Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment program and is pastor, counselor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsap on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or firstname.lastname@example.org