I do not mean to sound harsh or arrogant but I have observed as I speak to so many people on the subject of marriage that many people are lazy to work on their marriages. There is this myth that a good marriage just happens on its own. Marriage does not work on hallucinations or just desires. It is a very good thing to desire but if you do not work on those desires, you will not see them come to pass.
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Many couples are too idle to commit to working or making their marriages work. Too many couples are too lazy to put effort and commitment to what they love. They expect miracles. They expect God or others to do it for them. They expect other people to do things for them. They want everything free. A good marriage will not come on a silver platter. It comes through commitment and hard work. To be precise, I want to state that laziness is becoming a snare to many couples. Proverbs 26:14 says that as a door turns on its hinges, so does the lazy man on his bed. Many people will observe things deteriorate in their marriage, but do nothing and just hope things will improve on their own. They just keep ignoring things until it is too late and by the time they want to act, the relationship is broken and gone. Laziness postpones remedial action. Laziness does not want to respond timeously. It operates on procrastination, which steals time. It is wise to act on your relationship or on that issue right now.
Every garden has weeds, no matter how rich the soils are. Weeds will grow at any time but it is the duty of the farmer to weed their garden. For your marriage to produce a good crop, it demands your constant care and involvement. If you sleep on duty, weeds will grow. Thorns will grow and torture you. Many people who are irresponsible with their marriages complain and blame others for sowing weeds in their gardens. I think this is the attitude of laziness. Your duty is to uproot the weeds as the enemy sows them. The enemy will never stop sowing weeds, but do not stop also uprooting the weeds by working on your marriage with love and patience. Many marriages are starving for romance, love, warmth, encouragement and joy and peace. Many are starving of outdoor and quality time. This starvation is due to laziness to plan, commit to good things that build a blissful marriage. Many are busy with other things. These days we are busy with survival, money, fame, ministry, and others and neglect our marriage relationships. Meanwhile, the enemy is sowing all kinds of attitudes, manners and thoughts and many of us wonder what has happened to our relationships.
Some spouses are tired while others are just complacent. They have tried all the tricks, but things seem not working because the other spouse is not responding appropriately. Others are just tired because they are lazy and passive. They want others to do things for them. The complacent ones think as long as there is food and money in the house, everything is okay and well. Meanwhile, passion for one another and romance are dying. Before you know it, the atmosphere is dry and blank and you get shocked to hear they are separating or infidelity has crept in.
The path of lazy people is overgrown with briers; the diligent walk down a smooth road. Proverbs 15:19. This sums it up well. We are responsible for many things we are suffering in our marriages or relationships everywhere. We are also responsible for the good things we enjoy. So the choice is yours at the end of the day. Either to be lazy in your marriage and suffer want or be diligent and enjoy smoothness and joy. Your marriage deserves your attention. It deserves more of your attention and commitment than your profession, job, interests, extended family, church activities and business. This is for the wise and those who understand what marriage is all about. The divine order of priority is clear. It is God first, then your spouse, children and then others.
Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsApp on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or [email protected]
