Occupying a space as a columnist writing social commentary is fraught with misunderstanding.
A colleague once suggested that many people might be wary of speaking to me in case they find themselves turning up as characters in this column.
Other colleagues regularly throw into our conversations lines like: “OK this is not for Local Drummer!” I explain to them that on the whole when I write about people I know, I try to do it in such a way that only I and the subject will know his or her identity.
A couple of weeks ago I spent an afternoon with one of my favourite people, a professor who runs a small medical clinic.
Invariably the subject of this column came up and he observed that I sometimes write very personal things about my own life which he thought might make me very vulnerable. He was particularly concerned about the subject of my struggle with the Christian faith, and wondered why I find it necessary to discuss it on a public forum.
Sharing revelations about personal struggles or shortcomings is useful if it helps others.
A year ago I stood on a balcony at the State Department in Washington attending a cocktail party with other programme mentees. We were surrounded by women leaders from Fortune 500 companies who were the mentors.
There was so much to ask; so much to talk about; so much to learn, but guess what kept coming up? Struggles that women undergo in balancing work, love and children.
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The struggle to be taken seriously in a male-dominated work space — did this present mentors as being less than perfect? Sure. Did it help the mentees? Without a doubt.
Apart from helping others, sharing personal information about yourself demonstrates courage and stops the cycle of shame.
Oprah Winfrey’s revelations about sexual abuse at the hands of a relative couldn’t have been a walk in the park. It would have been so much easier for her to leave that portion of her history out as one does with a dodgy job on one’s CV. But Oprah elected to tell. And she encouraged girls to tell, and to keep telling until someone acts. Sure she generated some controversy, but more importantly in doing so she took the shame away from the victims and used her tremendous influence to highlight a serious societal malaise. That’s why sharing is caring.
Human beings are fascinating. The things that worry us the most are the things we tend not to talk about — especially on public fora.
As you are sitting in the canteen with your colleagues, discussing merits and demerits of the Warriors’ latest performance, you may be animated and engaged, but the thing which is really on your mind is the worry that your teenage son might be drinking. Or that someone you’ve slept with has HIV and you need to get tested. Or that you won’t be able to make the payment on your loan this month.
But what if you learnt that your boss has a similar concern about his son, or that your pastor is also going to get tested, or that your MP went to see the bank manager to renegotiate his loan last week.
Wouldn’t you find that helpful on some level? I believe that at the very least it would remind you that our experiences are universal and that there is no problem without a solution.
For this reason those who do have access to a platform should not be under pressure to present themselves as flawless, but instead use the opportunity to share their flaws, their uncertainties or even their ignorance on certain issues to encourage and motivate others.
Take the case of Forbes columnist, Susannah Breslin, who revealed on her blog last year that she has breast cancer.
The piece, entitled The Business About My Breasts, recounts in detail her experience of going for a first and then a second mammogram, a biopsy and finally the phone call telling her: “You have breast cancer”. As with many freelance journalists, Breslin is at the receiving end of lots of advice about being careful of what she shares on the Internet, about how one’s career can be affected forever by what one reveals.
She later writes: “Revealing more than I should about myself has been cathartic and career-making for me . . .” Sassy, confrontational and irreverent, Breslin is my kinda chick.
Fear of revealing one’s flaws can actually be counter-productive to many public figures. While we have heard many times that maverick billionaire Richard Branson struggled through school, the knowledge serves to inspire and encourages youngsters.
In contrast, revelations of Julius Malema failing his matric do not inspire the same sense of hope and optimism. I wonder why this is so.
Eventually we realise that even our favourite heroes have flaws, that their lives are not perfect and that they too have questions, doubts, indignities and fears that they would rather not reveal.
But when they do reveal them, we can be honoured by their choice to share, we can be encouraged by their struggle to overcome besetting sins and we can be inspired to do equal or better for ourselves and those we love.
Thembe Sachikonye writes in her personal capacity. Readers’ comments can be sent to [email protected]. Follow Thembe on www.twitter/localdrummer
