There was a time not so long ago, when we went on a holiday, we took a photo of a view (without anyone in it), finished the film, had the film developed and placed the prints in a photo album for us to look at occasionally in the future, and maybe even show a special friend, if asked. The photo of the view showed that we had been there. Nowadays, as we all know, it seems that we must be in the photo of the view (spoiling it, some might argue!), post it online (plus around twenty others of a similar view) on social media for the whole world who may have requested to be a friend to see them (as well as thousands who have not). It is selfie time! Look at us, everybody!
Fair enough, we may say; it is reasonable to let the whole world know what we or our children or spouse are doing, in pictures rather than in words, on social media, rather than in a letter. But now why do we have to show (and even comment) on a picture coming up as a memory of this day ten or fifteen years ago? Or even comment on a comment we made five years ago about a photo we had posted ten years before that? Are we not simply seeking to bring attention on ourselves?
While we are at it, perhaps we can ask why it is that someone wishes his spouse a happy birthday on Facebook or Instagram? Is he not talking to his wife that he has to post it online? Has he not bought a card or a present? Is it better because it is cheaper that way? Is it not less personal doing it this way? If he is away, is he not able to message her privately — why must it be done so that the whole world sees he is being a good boy in remembering his wife’s birthday? Is he doing it so that everyone else must now do the same? Or is the husband doing it to show the world that he has remembered?
Equally, (having perhaps been reminded by the kind husband of the fact) why does everyone else follow suit and publicly wish the person a happy birthday online? Why do they not send a message privately? Is it important that everyone else sees how good we are in so kindly wishing her a happy birthday (even if all that is required is to press the ‘Happy Birthday’ tab offered to us without any real thought or effort)? Is it because we do not want to be seen to have forgotten the birthday so we prove we have not by publicly sending our wishes? (“It is OK, everybody: I have remembered!”)
And then, why do people who have been wished a happy birthday by others not reply privately to each one, but send a general “Thank You” to everyone who remembered his birthday? Is it because he is lazy (no thought required)? Is he wanting to remind those who did not wish him a happy birthday that they did not but they can still do so now belatedly? Is he wanting them to feel bad that they did not press that tab (after all, they were given a reminder)? Why do we even put our date of birth on the online platforms, other than to ensure we get messages? Why do people not write privately, individually, on group chats about things that do not involve others on the group chat?
In a previous article we reflected how children’s behaviour is often a cry for attention (they are “Not waving but drowning”) — are selfies and online messages perhaps not a slightly more refined way (questionable) of seeking attention, inviting and invoking likes or comments or emojis to boost our egos? Are we not this time literally doing the opposite - waving and not drowning? “Hello, everybody, I’m here. Look at me! Look at what I am doing! Show me your love, please”.
Why do we behave in such a way? The answer may actually lie in our schooling system! Perhaps we reward in such a way that children become dependent on rewards, appreciation, especially those who do not receive it in one area, while those who do receive it for their achievements almost become addicted to and dependent on the attention they receive. They must receive prizes, awards, medals, rosettes, replica trophies, glass shields, wooden plaques (that often only gather dust and clutter shelves). Attention please. Even bullies act because they want attention.
In folk tales, an elf is defined as “a small, delicate, elusive figure in human form with pointed ears, magical powers, and a capricious nature” often “associated with nature, mischief, and immense beauty” though also “interfering with human lives”. The same might be an accurate description of a selfie proponent. Put the self back on the shelf. We can have friends without asking for them!
- Not drowning but waving
