DRIVING in Zimbabwe is exciting, exasperating, extreme and above all, existential — and if we are not careful, we will all become extinct on the roads!
We may laugh at it all, such is the true Zimbabwean way, like the old saying that we can tell the drunk drivers in Zimbabwe as they are the ones driving straight.
However, in truth, it is all so sad, illogical, unnecessary, blind and unhelpful.
We have so much to complain about, including opposites. Our journeys through the country and cities, let us just say, are not plain sailing, and not even plain driving.
Let us start with potholes. Yes, we can laugh at photos of people sitting in potholes, fishing in potholes and so on but we do not laugh when our cars are damaged by them.
We scream therefore for the council or the government to fix them, to fill them in, to repair them as it slows our journey down and is expensive to handle. Fill them in so that we can drive straight, unafraid, fast.
Yet no sooner after they have filled in the potholes, we are then crying out for the council or government to put in speed humps to stop people speeding, ignoring the signs, knowing better than those who have decreed the accepted speed limit.
So now we are paying for something twice over (and we have not even mentioned tax but let us leave that alone for now).
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We want potholes filled in (so we are not delayed) but we also want speed humps put up (so we are delayed).
Ah, but we are not finished yet.
No sooner have we filled in potholes to speed us on our journey and then built in speed humps to slow us on our way, than we have brought in something else to interrupt our journey — yes, let us have roadblocks as well!
That is the perfect way to slow down drivers, having long queues while pieces of paper are inspected and random checks undertaken, finding fault in the rear numberplate light not working (when it is the middle of the day) and fining offenders so that that money will go in to repairing roads (and creating more hazards) — we presume.
And then, let us not forget, to add to the fun and the expense, let us also build in tolls, which can certainly slow down traffic completely but take money from drivers for using the roads so we can have more bumps and fill in potholes that do not last.
So let us get this straight — we are taxed by paying money at tolls and taxed by having to have a current license which needs us to be taxed further by buying insurance to pay for the damage that will be incurred on the roads that are being covered in speed humps after filling in potholes…
In many ways, the whole situation about driving is reflected in the way people treat litter.
As long as there are people who are paid to pick up litter, to sweep the streets, then we can throw our rubbish out the window of our car (or dump our collected rubbish at the side of the road).
If we know that people collect the rubbish, then we might as well give them something to collect — hey, we are creating jobs for the masses! That is what they are employed for.
Are we not doing good? If we are being taxed, we might as well make sure our money is being well spent. Is that our thinking? Woe betide a society that thinks that and an educational system that promotes that.
Here is the thing, though — if we educated people to be responsible for their own actions and not to be selfish, we would not have any of those problems — we would not have roads that are potholed as the roads will be built properly and not cheaply; we would not have people driving fast in built-up areas; we would not have people driving unsafe cars; we would not have taxed money wasted.
We will not throw out our rubbish.
Let us hope strongly (and act) that the state of our roads will never be a reflection of our education system.
We must keep ‘potholes’ from our schools, that slow them down.
No ‘speed humps’ in place, slowing down those schools that could go forward faster.
We must avoid ‘roadblocks’ looking for tiny faults in some that slow down others who are responsible and thriving.
No increasing financial ‘tolls’ where the money does not go back in to improving the system or the schools. Allow us all to take responsibility. If not, and if we are not careful, we will end up being driven up the wall — to disruption, distraction, destruction. That is no laughing matter.
