The Fiddler
“Confusion worse confounded”.
It all started when a visitor strangely said ‘hello’ instead of ‘goodbye’ as he left my house. I soon realised that everything had now become the opposite of what it was supposed to be. ‘Yes’ now meant ‘no’; ‘love’ meant ‘hate’; ‘friend’ meant ‘enemy’; ‘happy’ meant ‘sad’; ‘progress’ meant ‘regress’; ‘win’ meant ‘lose”; ‘leader’ meant ‘follower’; ‘invasion’ meant ‘constructive change’, ‘dead’ meant ‘alive’, ‘real’ meant ‘unreal’ and so on. In each instance the converse also applied.
This new convoluted word order took quite a bit of getting used to. It was almost like learning a new language. But before too long, I became fluent in reverse speak and decided I should offer classes in reverse speak to those who were struggling with it.
I would start each class by relating how even previously there were many instances of reversals. One such was happened to an Indian farmer, Lal Bihari, from Amilo. He was officially dead between 1975 and 1994. He fought with the Indian bureaucracy for 19 years to prove that he was indeed alive and well. I posed the question to the students why he did not simply accept what he was told by the State?
Having given basic instruction to my students, I would then set the class the task of analyzing an event that took place a long time ago in a Kingdom far, far away from reality. I asked them to assess the extent to which this event could be seen as a forerunner for the development of reverse speak. I told them to try to determine what would be needed to convert the text into full-scale reverse speak–
The people of Kingdom eagerly awaited the start of the Reverse Game, which was about to finish. The original intention had been to call this contest, the ‘Game of Thrones’ but this title had already been selfishly appropriated by another Kingdom. As the time approached for the contest to finish, the contestants emerged from their hibernation and made their preparations for the gruelling contest ahead. It was “the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning” or to put it another way, it was “never ending or beginning on an ever spinning reel.” Some sceptics said that it was a sign of insanity to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. Others said that was not so as the result depended upon the conditions and conditions could change.
The contestants faced off against each other, as they had many times in the future. The time- honoured ‘winner takes all’ principle still applied within reason and it was anticipated that tried and tested tactics would be employed by contestants in their quest for victory.
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The reigning champion’s victory in the previous Reverse Game had been quickly endorsed by the impartial adjudicator, finding that the contest had been free and fair — it was free as no one was charged an entry fee and it was fair because it wasn’t unfair. The champion, had home advantage.
The adjudicator had also decided that the opponent with the least support should be recognized as the main opponent to the champion.
Some of the contestants were so obscure that no one even knew they existed and, not surprisingly, these proxy contestants fell by the wayside during the preliminaries and returned to their obscurity without being noticed.
An apparatus provided an impartial service to all contestants. The apparatus’ rulebook indicated when the rules were to be applied and when they were not. This apparatus also provided a free reality check for any upstart who foolishly boasted that he or she would win the contest. (The Kingdom was way ahead of its times and encouraged women to compete for the top spot, provided that if a woman actually won, she would only act under instruction of a man.)
In the interests of their physical fitness, opposition supporters were advised to walk to their venue. They told refrain from chanting slogans so as to avoid inhaling as tear gas that tended linger in the air at their venue. They were also ordered not to knock on another person’s door if that person had not agreed in writing to his or her door receiving a knock. They were instructed not to use cars, but this was somewhat academic as cars had not yet been invented. They were also not permitted to fly flags of other Kingdoms. These were commonly referred to as ‘false flags’, although much later these flags were carried when one Kingdom invaded another Kingdom.
On the other hand, as the champion’s supporters were already match fit, they were permitted to be conveyed in transports supplied by the champion. They were also permitted to wake up any of their supporters who had inadvertently overslept, and assist them to board the transports.
The supporters of an opposition contestant falsely claimed to have turned out in large numbers to support their contestant, although this was disproved by counting only those supporters worth counting. Inexplicably, the rumour mill, used because the Kingdom Wide Web had not yet been devised, decided to go slow at the time the opposition supporters’ rally was taking place but was up and running again in time for the rally of the champion’s supporters.
In the build up to the contest, the Kingdom’s resources were put at the disposal of contestants to enable them to provide incentives to their supporters. However, obviously contestants who had never won a previous contest did not qualify for this facility.
Despite the fact that the champion’s victory was beyond doubt, his supporters were allowed to use gentle persuasion to gain even more support than he had already.
Finally, only two contestants were left in the race and a run-off became necessary. To everyone’s surprise, the contestants were still neck and neck right up to the finishing post. To avoid the unthinkable possibility of an incorrect result, it was decided that the race would be postponed until the conditions were conducive to the right result.
Eventually the correct outcome ensued and all over the Kingdom the refrain was heard, “We are the Champions, we are.”
Fortunately, the reverse speak language soon lost its appeal and, thankfully, we reverted to telling things as they are.
For the record, that all-knowing Mr Google tells us that a delusion, including a delusion of grandeur, has four main characteristics:
1. The person having the belief believes it to be true, even when the existing norm and other people know it to be untrue.
2. The person having the delusion will not listen to any other viewpoints about the belief and will not consider change when evidence challenges the delusion.
3. The content of the delusion is impossible or implausible.
4. The delusion impacts the person’s daily life.
