Before we blame children, let's heal their hidden wounds

EVERY day we hear heartbreaking stories of young people abusing drugs, engaging in crime, dropping out of school, turning to prostitution, or taking their own lives. As a society, we are quick to condemn them. We describe them as stubborn, irresponsible or wayward. We ask: "What is wrong with today's children?"Perhaps we are asking the wrong question.Instead of asking what is wrong with our children, we should be asking, "What has happened to our children?"Drug abuse is a serious problem that deserves serious attention. However, if we focus only on the drugs and ignore the pain that drives many young people towards them, we will continue fighting symptoms while neglecting the disease.No child is born addicted to drugs. No child is born wanting to destroy their future. Behind many destructive behaviours lies a story that many people never hear—a story of pain, rejection, fear, abandonment, violence, grief or loneliness.This is not to suggest that every child from a broken family will abuse drugs, nor that every child who abuses drugs comes from a troubled home. Human behaviour is influenced by many factors. Yet we cannot ignore the reality that emotional trauma during childhood can leave deep wounds that, if left untreated, may influence choices later in life.As parents, teachers, church leaders and communities, we need to stop looking only at the behaviour and begin looking at the heart.One of the greatest mistakes we make is believing that children recover from painful experiences simply because they are young.When parents separate, who comforts the child?When there is domestic violence, who sits down to help the child understand what they have witnessed?When a parent dies, who helps the child process grief?When a father leaves home to start another family, who helps the child deal with feelings of rejection?When parents spend every day fighting, who reassures the frightened child that they are safe?Most of the time, no one does.Adults receive sympathy. Friends visit them. Churches pray for them. Families gather around them. Some even receive professional counselling.The child, however, is often expected to carry on as though nothing has happened.Yet children also cry.They also worry.They also lose sleep.They also ask difficult questions.Sometimes they even blame themselves for problems they never caused.The difference is that children often lack the vocabulary to explain what they are feeling. Instead of saying, "I am traumatised," they become withdrawn. Instead of saying, "I feel rejected," they become aggressive. Instead of saying, "I am overwhelmed," they seek comfort in unhealthy friendships or harmful habits.The behaviour becomes visible, but the pain remains hidden.That hidden pain deserves our attention.While writing my novel, The Empty Chair, I reflected deeply on the silent emotional struggles that many children experience after loss, separation and family breakdown. The story reminded me that an empty chair in a home represents far more than someone's physical absence. For many children, it represents unanswered questions, broken trust and emotional wounds that adults may never notice.Healing begins when someone notices those wounds instead of dismissing them.Unfortunately, our society has changed in ways that have reduced opportunities for children to express themselves.Years ago, we  had structures that allowed children to speak openly with trusted elders. Through  padare and guidance from  ana tete and other respected family members, children had people who listened, advised and corrected them with love and wisdom.Those spaces have gradually disappeared.Today many families live far from their extended relatives. Parents leave home early for work and return late. Others are physically present but emotionally absent, their attention captured by mobile phones, television or social media.Ironically, we have never been more connected through technology, yet many families have never been more disconnected emotionally.Some children spend hours on social media every day but only a few minutes talking meaningfully with their parents.Many know their favourite celebrities better than they know their own fathers.Many are surrounded by people yet feel completely alone.Loneliness is dangerous because it often seeks relief somewhere.If children cannot express their pain through healthy conversations, they may eventually express it through unhealthy behaviour.Some turn to alcohol.Others turn to drugs.Some join criminal groups because they long for acceptance.Others engage in risky sexual behaviour because they are searching for love in the wrong places.Some become violent.Others become depressed.Tragically, some lose hope altogether.By the time society notices them, the wounds have already become visible through destructive choices.We then spend enormous resources trying to rehabilitate young people without asking whether those emotional injuries could have been prevented in the first place.Surely it is wiser to build emotionally healthy children than to repair emotionally broken adults.Our children do not only need food, school fees and clothing.They need to be heard.They need to be understood.They need to know that their feelings matter.Most importantly, they need adults who are willing to listen before judging.lf we are serious about addressing drug abuse among young people,we must also become serious about addressing childhood trauma.We cannot continue treating the fruit while ignoring the roots.A tree with diseased roots cannot produce healthy fruit.ln the same way,a child carrying unhealed emotional wounds cannot always  make healthy decisions without support.One area where many families unintentionally fail our children is after a crisis.When a marriage breaks down ,when there is domestic violence,when there is domestic violence,when a loved one dies,,or when a family experiences financial hardship,adults often receive counselling ,prayers  and encouragement .Friends gather around them,pastors visit them and relatives offer comfort.The children are often forgotten.We assume they are too young to understand .we tell them to be strong.We_ expect them to continue going to school as if nothing has changed.But children are not blind to pain.They hear the arguments.They see the tears.They feel the silence in the house.They recognise when a parent no longer comes home.Even when they do not understand every detail ,they understand that something precious has been lost.This is why counseling should never be reserved only for adults.When a family experiences a traumatic event ,every member of that family needs emotional support,.including the youngest child.Sometimes healing begins with something as.simple as giving.a child permission to speak honestly without fear of being dismissed or punished.Parents must also understand that children learn far more from what they see than from what they are told.We can preach good behaviour everyday ,but if our homes are filled with constant conflict ,insults ,violence or neglect those experiences leave lasting impressions.A child who grows up believing they are unwanted may spend years searching for acceptance in the wrong places. A teenager who has never experienced emotional security at home may easily be influenced by peers who promise belonging, even if that belonging comes through drugs, gangs, or criminal activity.This is why the fight against drug abuse cannot begin only in police stations or rehabilitation centers .lt must begin in our homes.It begins when parents make time to listen instead of always giving life lectures. It begins when families eat together and have meaningful conversations.It begins when fathers remain emotionally present not only financially responsible.It begins when mothers create safe spaces where children can express fear,disappointment and confusion without beinh ridiculed.Sometimes the greatest gift we can give  can give our children is not expensive clothing or the latest smartphone .lt is our presence.Many children are crying for attention while we are busy chasing success.Schools also have an important role to play .Teachers often spend many hours each day with children and are sometimes the first to notice changes in behaviour.A child who suddenly becomes withdrawn,aggressive unusually quite or frequently absent may be communicating emotional distress rathet  than simple disobedience.lnstead of immediately labelling such children as  problem learners, schools should strengthen guidance and counselling programmes and work closely with families.Early intervention can change the direction of a child's life.Churches,too, have a responsibility beyond preaching on Sundays.They can create safe environments where children and teenagers feel heard,valued and supported.Mentorship programmes ,youth discussions and trained counsellors can become lifelines for young people who feel they have nowhere  else to turn to.Government, communities and civic organizations must also invest in childrens mental healthy.We can not continue discussing drug abuse only after another young life has been lost. Prevention must become as important as rehabilitation.As adults ,we must also examine our own behaviour. Sometimes we unknowingly create the very conditions we later condemn.Children  are watching how we handle conflict, how we treat one another and how we respond to disappointment.They learn from our example long before they listen to our advice.Before we point a finger at today's generation ,perhaps we should ask ourselves some difficult questions.Have we truly listened to ouf children?Have we apologised when we hurt them?Have we created homes where they feel safe to speak?Have we been so busy building careers thay we forgot to build relationships with our own children?These are uncomfortable questions, but they are necessary .The future of our nation depends not only on the education we provide our children but also on the emotional foundation we give them. A child who feels loved,heard and supported is better equipped to resist destructive influences than one who faces life's battles alone.Instead of asking only "How do we stop children from taking drugs" perhaps we should also ask "How do we raise children who no longer need to escape their pain?"The answer begins with us.Let us become parents who listen before we judge.Teachers who noticd before they punish.Churches that heal before they condemn.Communities that support before they criticize.lf we want to see fewer young people trapped in addiction,crime and hopelessness, we must first become a society that is willing to heal the invisible wounds carried by our children.Because every child deserves more than survival.Every child deserves hope.Every child deserves to be heard.And perhaps, before we blame our children, we should first ask wether we have done enough to help them heal .Evelyn Bengura is a Zimbabwean author, educator, motivational writer, and director of Little Harvard Group of Schools.  She is passionate about using stories and articles to educate, inspire, and transform lives through practical life lessons, character development, and personal growth.