Muckraker: US dollar donations: Now we know real patriotic currency!

This week, the man who is four years into his economic experiment on what happens when you ruin an economy while posing as its Finance minister spoke out strongly against people who prefer the US dollar over our own money.

NEWS that some unscrupulous businesses are now insisting on only using the United States dollar, refusing to touch our own patriotic currency, have angered patriots all over the country.

This week, the man who is four years into his economic experiment on what happens when you ruin an economy while posing as its Finance minister spoke out strongly against people who prefer the US dollar over our own money.

“We cannot tolerate this kind of nonsense, absolutely not. They are breaking the law,” Mthuli Ncube said after cabinet’s weekly snooze fest.

To show how much the nation hates using imperialists’ money, the most patriotic leader, President Emmerson Mnangagwa, donated US$30 000 to the country’s outstanding Moot Court team and another US$10 000 to Major Winnet Zharare.

President Emmerson Mnangagwa

We are grateful that we have a leader who can give away his spare change to the masses.

Dr Amai’s recipes Despite what haters say, the good news keeps flowing like a flood all across the country.

There were wild scenes of celebration on the street after the country’s New Dr Amai launched a new book, called Cooking with Amai: Zimbabwean Traditional Cuisine Cookbook.

According to the Herald, the continent’s most trusted news source, “the book consists of mouth-watering recipes that were compiled from all the 10 provinces when the First Lady held traditional meal cookout competitions across the country”.

Cooking with Amai: Zimbabwean Traditional Cuisine Cookbook.

There is more good news. “Already, Rainbow Towers has started to prepare some of the dishes in the menu book in appreciation of Amai’s work,” it was reported. At this rate, Rainbow Towers will be receiving international culinary awards.

Mike Chimombe, who is so successful that nobody knows what business he actually runs, bought one of the books for US$1 600. Who would pay Zimdollars for such precious literature?

We were even told that Amai’s recipes “have high nutritional value and medicinal properties”. We will soon no longer need medicines in our hospitals. Just feed patients with Dr Amai’s food and they will be up and running in no time.

‘Rubbish’ talk Reports say Harare residents had “slammed Harare City Council” for refusing to accept the deal to give away the city’s Pomona dump site to Geogenix BV, a company represented by Delish Nguwaya, the country’s most credible entrepreneur.

An organisation called “Zimbabwe National Organisation of Associations and Residents Trust” came out to demand that councillors stop standing in the way of a deal that will bankrupt the council.

“The selfish and corrupt tendencies being exhibited in the implementation of the Pomona waste management contract smacks of safeguarding their personal interests (councillors) ahead of national development, which is totally unacceptable,” the organisation said.

Who can argue with what they are saying? Councils should not put self-interest ahead of national interest. That is the job of national government officials.

Not only is this the first time we have ever heard of this association, it is also the first time someone has spoken out against corruption by encouraging corruption.

Patriotic deal There was more anger against those who dare oppose the hugely patriotic Pomona deal.

The Herald, which naturally must be angry on behalf of those who are eating on its behalf, had yet another editorial in support of the deal. The paper invoked one Dudley Bates, a former mayor of what was to later become colonial Salisbury.

According to the paper, Bates who was most “notorious for dumping garbage in the street and refusing to pay rates ran for council, and startling everyone by getting in, then became mayor, spent all the money on a town house and a mayoral chain, totally neglected services, overdrew the overdraft and fled a couple of months before the next election”.

According to the paper, the man “bankrupted the town” and left it in ruin.

We wonder why the paper would frame Bates as a bad person. Surely, it sounds like this man would have qualified for a senior position in our government.

Mangudya’s pain Appearing before a committee of parliament this week, John Mangudya, voted the continent’s best central bank governor if you read the list of Africa’s top governors from bottom to the top, had a few gems.

First, he told the nation that those who say “bond notes” had failed were yet to bring evidence to show him that they had indeed failed. He reminded us all that bond notes were never a currency, but an export incentive. Using his measure, we are sure that, by the time bond notes were put out of circulation in 2019, our exports were roaring.

He was not finished. He reminded us again that he feels our pain, saying: “We do feel the pain of this economy and because we feel the pain of this economy that is why we are doing all we think is necessary for this economy to recover.”

In other words, “we feel your pain. It is not enough, which is why we are doing all we think is necessary to make it even worse”.

Violence mongers There has been a lot of anger after some Zanu PF official was captured on video calling for the killing of Nelson Chamisa and all those who dare think he can rule this country.

Speaking at some local meeting of the reeling party, the man was captured saying: “When we say ‘Down with Chamisa’ we mean he must be killed.”

Of course, some are calling on the police to hunt the man down and arrest him for inciting violence. Do they think inciting violence against the opposition is a crime? Little do they know that the officials at Zanu PF headquarters are also hunting for the man, to give him a promotion?