Involved in extra-marital fulfilment unknowingly? Can this be possible? Well let us find out.
THERE could be many reasons why couples end up seeking fulfilment outside their marriage, but one big one is the inability by many couples to spend time together and get involved together in their lives and careers.
Instead of becoming one flesh, they pull apart and become strangers to each other. I think we must understand that how spouses spend their time will determine the strength of their marriage.
Spending time together connects you and binds you together When you spend time together you become one mind and one heart and you begin to share your dreams until it is one.
The challenge with this generation is that spouses do their own things away from their spouses and as a result they feel so apart even if they are sleeping on one bed.
I want to challenge leaders in every sector of life to develop a habit of being with their spouses in as many functions as possible.
Religious, political and business leaders must lead by example. I am not sure of the reason why you do not want to travel and be with your spouse, but for the sake of your marriage and character, be together. Many spouses feel lonely and begin to seek fulfilment from other places.
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Largely this is how infidelity and small houses begin to mushroom here and there and poison relationships.
Find fulfilment in your spouse. Make them your daily companion and learn to do things together and achieve together.
Let me show you how many people begin to seek fulfilment as they grow apart from their spouses.
I know this sounds strange, but until you go through it you might not understand. You may be involved in an extra-marital affair unknowingly and so let me help you.
Infidelity Many spouses find themselves caught up in this trap where they seek fulfilment outside their marital bed. One common reason is given and it is that “my spouse is not performing well”.
I want to dispute the performance issue here as it is a scapegoat. The truth is you have been drawing apart and you did not want to work on it.
When you begin to sanction each other, resentment creeps in and before you know it you are attracted to someone else and you think they understand you better. The challenge is that spouses want to be understood rather than understand others themselves.
You can give as many excuses for this as you can, but I need you to understand another wrong does not make a wrong right. Get back and fix your relationship.
Be a team with your spouse. Remember infidelity can be both physical and emotional.
Work When your work deliberately takes away your time with your spouse, I think you are involved in an extra-marital affair with it.
Some people will deliberately stay very long periods in their offices after hours just to avoid their spouses.
They just want to make sure they come home late and just get into bed and wake up in the morning and go away.
They have suddenly found fulfilment in their work rather than in their spouse. This chokes many relationships today. To them it’s all about their career.
Church This sounds strange, but it is so true. I am not blaming the body of Christ as it were. I belong to the church, but I have also noticed strange things in the Body of Christ these days.
Some spouses in a bid to stay away from their estranged spouses, will spend most of their time at “church” doing all kinds of things. They hide behind the veil of “serving in the house”. They would really fight hard and are ready to destroy their marriages for the sake of serving.
They are finding more fulfilment in serving others rather than their spouses. A number of people with marital challenges are hard working in their congregations.
They love so much serving the man of God and doing all other duties around and yet they cannot do so at home. In most cases, we see them as wonderful people and yet whatever they are doing is a huge scream for help.
I am not saying it is wrong to serve in the house, but I am saying we have to be careful lest others serve the house and lose their marriages and families.
l Others find fulfilment in their sporting activities, in the gym, in their politics and/or with friends. They would rather stay with friends and talk whatever they are talking and totally neglect their spouses.
All I am saying to you today is learn to connect with your spouse. Do things together and grow together.
Find fulfilment from the wife of your youth. Reach out to your spouse. Do not wait for them to show you love, show it yourself. Attend church, rallies, sports, functions together. Be a team and be one. You will overcome many enemies of your marriage.
I think when you begin to share your spouse with other things you are in adultery unknowingly.
Kilton Moyo writes in his on capacity as pastor, counsellor and author of the Sex Trap. Call or WhatsApp on +263 775 337 207, +263 712 384 841 or +263 772 610 103