LAST week, news of an Interpol Red Notice linked to the deaths of UK-based Zimbabwean Nothabo Zandile Tshuma and her daughters, 15-year-old Natalie and five-year-old Nala, dominated social media and sent shockwaves through communities in Zimbabwe and abroad.
Forty-five-year-old Ndodana Tshuma has been named by UK authorities as the prime suspect in the triple homicide.
According to public statements by the UK Crown Prosecution Service, three murder charges have been authorised against him. He was later apprehended in Kensington, Johannesburg, and is expected to face extradition proceedings and trial in the United Kingdom. As with any criminal matter, he remains innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.
I recently wrote about how society has normalised femicide. Sadly, I cannot ignore this tragedy because it exposes an uncomfortable truth about how we respond when women and children become victims of extreme violence. Although I was unable to speak to investigators or the family, public statements by police and reports from reputable international media provide sufficient grounds for reflection.
While the suspect was still at large, social media was flooded with attempts to explain away the killings. Within hours, stories emerged portraying the deceased as somehow responsible for her own death. Some claimed she had been unfaithful. Others alleged the children were not his. Some speculated she wanted a divorce to take his money. There is no publicly available evidence supporting these claims. Yet they spread rapidly because many people seemed determined to blame the woman rather than confront the brutality of the alleged crime.
Even more disturbing were comments suggesting the suspect "loved his children too much to live without them," as though love could explain killing one's own children. That is not love; it is violence. A five-year-old child cannot be blamed for the breakdown of an adult relationship, nor can a teenager whose future lay ahead of her. Nothing justifies taking the lives of innocent children.
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Some reports have alleged that the deceased sought a divorce following repeated incidents of infidelity and had confided in others about controlling behaviour, including statements such as, "If I can't have you, no one can." These claims have not been tested in court. However, if true, they reflect behavioural patterns associated with coercive control and narcissistic abuse.
Mental health experts describe narcissistic traits as including an excessive need for admiration, entitlement, manipulation, diminished empathy and an intense fear of rejection. Most people with these traits never become violent. However, research suggests that when severe narcissistic characteristics coexist with coercive control and possessiveness, separation or divorce can become a high-risk period. The loss of control over a partner may trigger extreme acts of revenge in individuals who already have violent tendencies.
The phrase, "If I can't have you, no one can," has become tragically familiar in domestic homicide cases worldwide. It reflects the belief that a partner is a possession rather than an independent human being. Unfortunately, that belief is reinforced by harmful attitudes that equate marriage with ownership. We still hear people say, "I paid lobola, therefore she belongs to me," or, "I married her, so she must stay." Such thinking has no place in a society that values human dignity.
Almost as disturbing as the killings themselves were the reactions from some corners of social media. One comment described the suspect as "a man among men." Others argued that because the husband may have been the primary breadwinner, the woman deserved nothing in the event of a divorce. Such attitudes reveal how deeply some people continue to value male entitlement over women's lives.
The global statistics are sobering. According to UN Women and the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, about 85 000 women and girls were intentionally killed in 2023. Nearly 60%—more than 51 000 victims—were killed by intimate partners or family members. That means around 140 women and girls are killed every day by someone they know, often inside the very homes where they should be safest.
Children are also victims of this violence. Research into familicide, or family annihilation, shows that fathers who kill their partners sometimes murder their children as an extension of their abuse, using them to punish or maintain control over the mother. Such acts destroy entire families and leave lifelong trauma for surviving relatives and communities.
My deepest condolences go to the families and friends of the deceased. Reports indicate that Zandile was an only child and that her elderly mother now faces an unimaginable loss. Behind every headline are real people whose lives have been permanently shattered. Before posting speculative comments or sharing unverified rumours, remember that grieving families often read those posts. Our words can either comfort them or deepen their pain.
This tragedy should compel us to ask difficult questions. Why do we continue to excuse controlling behaviour as love? Why do we blame women for the violence committed against them? Why do we wait until lives are lost before taking warning signs seriously? Friends, relatives, churches, workplaces and communities must stop dismissing possessiveness, stalking, threats and isolation as ordinary relationship problems. They are recognised warning signs of abuse.
We also have a collective responsibility to act. If you are experiencing domestic abuse or know someone living in fear, do not remain silent. Reach out to trusted family members, community leaders or organisations that support survivors. In Zimbabwe, the Women's Coalition of Zimbabwe operates a toll-free helpline on 080 80626, where survivors of abuse, or anyone concerned about someone experiencing violence, can seek confidential guidance and support. One phone call could save a life.
Nothing justifies taking another person's life. If the accused is ultimately found guilty, I hope justice is served and the family finds some measure of closure. We owe it to Zandile, Natalie and Nala to ensure their deaths become more than a trending topic. Justice for the departed is essential, but preventing the next tragedy is the only way to truly honour their memory.
Whatever the outcome of the criminal proceedings, may Nothabo Zandile Tshuma, Natalie and Nala rest in eternal peace.