Re-building marriage

A couple

In writing this article, I am thinking of someone who is having marital problems. The love fire has been doused and you cannot figure out what might have caused the fire to go out.

You might be thinking that probably there is more love out there than in your marriage. You might have cheated, but you can rebuild yourself and salvage your marriage. Today, some people regret the reality of being married. They have all the money that they need, properties and children, but it seems as though something is missing and not functioning.

This has brought nightmarish experiences and as days go by without anyone smiling to the other, let alone there is no intimacy but sharing the same bed. This eventually leads to bitterness, ruthlessness, hurt, rudeness and even divorce. Now let’s discuss tips to re-create your marriage.

Never try to change your partner

You cannot change a person but you can possibly influence them to change. Differences do not mean enmity, but diversity. Most people in marriage want their partners to act and live up to their expectations, which hardly works because when both parties enter the picture they possess differences. Leland Foster in his book, Growing Together in the Family says “success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the right person; it is also a matter of being the right person”. Remember that you have your peculiar ways of being happy and so is your partner. So allow and help them to leave up to that.

Stop nagging

Some people are so nagging and that makes their presence intolerable. Have you ever asked yourself why some people would choose to knock off late at work and spend less time with their spouse? Have you ever wondered why most people would choose to waste their night away in a pub, club, church etc? They are so tired of their talkative, jealous, nagging spouses.

Compliment your spouse

As a married man, how would you feel if your wife tells you that a colleague complimented her  while you did not do so? Learn to appreciate your wife. Do not be hesitant to tell your spouse how important they are in your marriage and to your happiness. Appreciate the beauty of your wife and tell her that you love her. From experience, what men are looking for in a woman is someone who will make them feel superior. Why not make it so?

Small detail counts

It’s not the big things that kill our marriages, but it's the small things that accumulate to big things that eventually destroy true love. Pay close attention to the little things. Constantly show your partner that you are thinking of them. Give them a call, send a message, buy her flowers or surprise her with small things like a chocolate. I hear most African men saying “Hmmm!” Try this, it works! Your wife will feel like an angel. Women are so particular about their birthdays and anniversaries.

Build with your words

Most married people are good at identifying  their spouses' bad habits. They go to an extent of reprimanding, criticising or calling them names. This changes nothing, but makes the other partner more defensive and even offensive too. How does that help? Nothing! Stop fault-finding and try to measure your wife or husband with your own experience or expectations.

Sex matters

Sex is the greatest thrill that God created for married people. Depriving your spouse of it can eventually lead them seeking it elsewhere. Learn how best you could satisfy your partner in intimacy. There are times when you feel like you don’t want sex but your partner is on fire for it; sacrifice and have it; unless there are not any medical complications to it.

Don’t leave anything to chance

Do not leave your marriage to chance by thinking that everything will work automatically. Instead, make an intentional effort to make it work. Never undervalue the significance of small attention or action. The so called “small trivialities” are at the bottom of most marital unhappiness. Work it now!

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