THE festive season is marked by a collective, almost scripted, narrative of joy, family reunions and celebration. But for many, this season is not a straightforward story of happiness; it is a complex, double-edged sword!
From a psychologist’s point of view, the festive season brings up many different feelings. Yes, there can be joy, but for many people, it’s also a time of real stress, anxiety and loneliness.
The problem often starts when we compare our own holiday experience to the picture of a “perfect” celebration we see around us. That gap between the ideal and our reality can feel very heavy.
The holiday season is good for us in several ways that enhance wellbeing. It helps us to feel connected by bringing friends and family together, which fights loneliness. It brings back happy memories through traditions and music which makes us feel safe and good. The holidays also remind us to be thankful, which is a very good way to feel better and worry less.
However, despite the emphasis on cheer, many individuals experience heightened negative emotions due to various stressors.
Most people can no longer afford the big, lavish Christmas they may have once hoped for. We are navigating this season against a backdrop of unprecedented global and local economic challenges. The soaring cost of living, volatile exchange rate and job insecurity have tightened the squeeze on household budgets.
The phrase "kunetsa kwemari" (financial struggle) has taken on a new, deeper meaning. The pressure to provide the classic Christmas lunch, new clothes and travel kumusha is not just a stressor; for many, it is an impossible financial equation. This glaring gap between expectation and a harsher economic reality is the central conflict of the modern Zimbabwean festive season.
Let's be honest about the heavy feelings behind the happy face. It's the stressful trick of trying to buy food for Christmas while you're already worrying and counting costs for January's school fees, uniforms and books.
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Your whole holiday mood can depend on waiting nervously for a bonus payment on your phone and the heartbreak of explaining to your children if it doesn't come.
The trip home is a struggle, from the crowded, busy Mbare Musika bus station to the expensive and unsafe mushikashika rides on bad roads. And when you get there, you feel the pressure to cook the big, perfect Christmas lunch with "seven colours" like rice, chicken, and salads, even when your money may only be enough for sadza and vegetables. This is the real story of our celebration: a hidden feeling of worry, stress and pressure playing underneath the Christmas songs.
In addition, the unspoken rule to have "done well" now collides with the reality that simply surviving is an achievement. The pressure to buy groceries, travel and give mabhokisi is a source of profound anxiety, with many facing the difficult choice between accruing debt or facing perceived social shame.
The family reunion, while beautiful, is not without some subtle competition. Inevitable questions arise: "Wakazorora here? — Suphumulile yini?" (Have you settled down?), "Wakauya nei zvawakadzoka kuJoni?" — Ubuye lani eGoli? (What did you bring us from South Africa?), "Ko mota yacho?" — Imota ke? (Where is your car?).
The success of one cousin is silently measured against the struggles of another. For those who have not met societal milestones including marriage, children, a new house; these gatherings can be a source of intense feelings of inadequacy and isolation. Furthermore, the pressure to have the "perfect" Christmas is made worse by social media. Scrolling through WhatsApp statuses and Instagram feeds, where people seem to be feasting, travelling and spending big, can make you feel like yours isn't enough. This comparison fuels feelings of stress.
Moreso, the season of togetherness is often a bitter-sweet experience for those who lost loved ones. For those facing personal struggles like a failing business or depression; the mandate to wear a permanent smile when one can barely keep their head above water, can feel like a cruel joke. For these individuals, the constant refrain of "Merry Christmas!" can make them feel like they are failing at a time when they should be thriving.
Given this intense pressure, psychology offers us practical strategies to navigate this difficult time:
Stop fighting the reality: Psychology calls this Radical Acceptance, but simply put, we may just call it facing the truth without blinkers; accepting reality as it is, not as we wish it to be! Fighting against the economic facts (This isn't fair!) only increases our suffering. Acknowledge without judgment: "This year is financially tight and that is the current reality." This acceptance is not giving up; it's the first step to making clear-headed decisions from a place of clarity, not panic.
Budget your energy like you budget your ZiG/USD: Beyond a financial budget, set a "mental energy budget". Decide in advance what will drain you and what will sustain you. Your intention could be, "My intention is to focus on meaningful connection, not material gifts." This empowers you to say no to expensive gatherings and yes to a simple walk with a loved one, protecting your peace without guilt. Set healthy boundaries!
For a less stressful holiday, redefine "success": Psychology reveals that what we feel is influenced by how we think. This holiday season, try challenging the belief that a perfect Christmas depends on expensive gifts and lavish meals. Remember: a great Christmas isn't about how much money you spend. Tell yourself a new story: “Success is being together and happy, not spending money.” Or “My time with family is the real gift.” Write this down. When you feel stressed or not good enough, read your notebook and say the words again.
Acknowledge your feelings and schedule "worry time": It’s natural to worry but letting it consume your day is debilitating. Give yourself a designated 15-minute "worry period" each day to think about finances and pressures. When worries pop up outside that time, gently tell yourself, "I will deal with that during my worry time." This contains anxiety and stops it from hijacking your entire holiday.
Perform acts of active gratitude: In times of scarcity, our brain naturally focuses on what we lack. Counter this neural bias by actively practising gratitude. In this season and in all those to come, make a daily practice of naming three specific things you’re grateful for: a roof over your head, the sound of a child's laughter or a cherished call with a friend. This isn't about ignoring problems; it's about balancing your perspective to include the good, which is a proven buffer against depression and anxiety. Remember what the season is truly about for you, whether it's faith, gratitude or rest! Actively seek out moments that align with this essence: a quiet walk, a heartfelt conversation with a loved one or volunteering to help someone in greater need.
To handle the holidays well, we need to be emotionally flexible. This means letting ourselves feel all kinds of emotions, both happy and sad, without letting them take over. One can do this by keeping our expectations realistic, using a budget to ease money worries and planning ahead for social events to lower anxiety. It's okay to remember people you've lost while also starting new traditions. Be kind to yourself by setting limits, understand that everyone experiences the season differently and try to keep some normal routines for a sense of calm. Remember, asking for professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. The key is to make thoughtful choices that lead to real connection and peace.
This festive season, let us remember: the true spirit of the season isn't held in a box mabhokisi; it's held in the stories, the shared laughter and the feeling of being truly seen and valued by your kin hukama. The most precious gift we can give and receive is our presence, our attention, and our love!
