I would like to take us a bit deeper on the fitness issues in marriage. I hope you remember what we spoke about last time.

Relationships: Kilton Moyo

As I said, marriage is like a lifelong marathon, which requires a high degree of fitness in its various aspects that are very crucial to its survival. Unfit people quit a lot of things. Many quit marriage because of unfitness and of course complain and blame everyone else.

Keeping fitness in marriage is team work. It involves the two of you as a couple and it must be deliberate. I have said it in the past that many people would plan for everything else except their marriage life. Many plan the wedding and forget planning marriage and expect it to happen by chance. Did you know that many would even plan for their death more than their marriage? Did you know that lack of planning shows a certain deficiency in your fitness levels in marriage? Marriage is a team journey and it is as strong as the two people who make it. It is important, therefore, that as a team you not only check your own fitness but that of your spouse also. You cannot play the marriage game by yourself, otherwise you will burn out and quit. Maybe the million dollar question to ask today is, how then do we check our fitness levels in our marriages? I want to suggest to you a very short, but critical game for you to engage in as a couple. I am certain that if you follow the suggested sequence, you will come up with something that will help you build and be united in what you are doing. As a couple, try and answer these questions. Do it very sincerely and see what happens next. I suggest you get papers and pens and sit somewhere where you cannot be distracted. Let there be no television that is on or even cellphone because you want to concentrate. This might take you an hour or even more, depending on your seriousness on the matters raised.

What is your ideal marriage?

I know that when you got married you had these great ideas of the marriage you wanted. Maybe you let that go because of circumstances. Just write down as a couple what your ideal marriage is. It is not sin to desire good, beloved. Remember this is just your ideal marriage. Put your points on a paper. Do not argue over this. Just give ideas, so you can move on. Now you have your ideal marriage on paper and it looks good. Put the paper aside and get ready for the next stage.

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What is your marriage like now?

You are not criticising yourselves or your spouse. Just write down first the good things that are happening in your marriage now. Do not tell me there is nothing. I know there is a lot, only that sometimes we choose not to see the good. You are listing these in point form and you are not discussing them yet. Now you are done with the good things in your marriage. Congratulations. Put this sheet of paper aside too, so you can get on to the third segment of this exercise.

What negative things are happening in your marriage right now?

Again you are not criticising each other. You are merely facing the brutal facts of your situation. I suggest you do not get angry and you do not write pages and pages on these. Some things are not worth mentioning at this stage.

Consider those critical things that have a greater capacity to overshadow the good in your marriage. Please remember, no one marriage is totally perfect. You now have written these on a paper. Put them away too so you can begin to analyse your work.

Make comparisons and decide to adjust

Take your ideal list and compare it with the good things list. Remember that your ideal list is what you always desire to have or to see in your marriage. Where are you currently? Anywhere near your desired marriage or you are far off? Depending on where you are, decide on a road map. How are you going to cover the gap or improve on the good things you are doing so as to get to the ideal list or situation? This is important. This is the area you should be investing your time and resources on. Once you have a road map, I can assure you it becomes easy to work on what you both desire and love to achieve. Remember, it is your marriage and you are achieving for yourselves as a couple.

Finally, consider the negative list. How does it affect the good and the ideal? How best do you think you can mitigate these and work on these? Never wish this area away. Work on it. You choose to overcome this. One way of overcoming here is to be deliberate about the good you do to each other. Good will always overcome evil. We will expand on this next time.

Beloved, you cannot maintain needed fitness in marriage if you are not taking stock or even desiring to know what is happening. Fitness comes when we are deliberate about it. Review your marriage progress. Plan for improvement and implement the plans. Identify the dividers and work on eliminating them. A couple who works this smart will enjoy marriage. Love is wise beloved.

It is up to you to keep your fitness levels high in your marriage. The book Marriage Fitness is now available. You can attend our marriage seminars where we teach these and many more.

Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme, and is pastor, counsellor and author of Marriage Fitness. Call or whatsapp on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or kilton.citizenafrica@consultant.com
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