It was 5:30am when Tendai’s alarm went off, but unlike most mornings, he did not reach for it. He lay still, eyes open, listening as the sharp, annoying, repetitive sound filled the room, not just waking him up, but demanding something from him. “Get up. Move. Perform. Deliver”. Still, he did not move, but instead, he stared at the ceiling as if it were replaying scenes from his life; unfinished goals, mounting pressure, and the quiet, but persistent feeling of falling behind and failing to cope.
Eventually he reached out and finally silenced the alarm. The external noise stopped, but the internal noise intensified. “You are already behind. You should have figured this out by now. Others are doing better than you. What’s the point?” The thoughts came quickly, uninvited yet familiar. He turned onto his side, pulled the blanket over his head and whispered, “Just five more minutes.” But this was not about sleep, it was about escape.
At 32, Tendai represented what many would consider a functional adult. He was educated, hardworking, responsible and, by most visible measures, doing “okay.” He held a stable, though demanding, job, supported his family where he could, and consistently showed up to meet expectations. Yet beneath this functional exterior, something had shifted.
Life had begun to feel heavy, not in a dramatic or easily explainable way, but as a quiet, constant weight that did not move no matter what he did. Work pressures had intensified, with targets and deadlines that seemed to multiply each week, while personal responsibilities continued to demand his attention at home. In between these competing demands, his mental space had become increasingly crowded. His mind no longer switched off, even in moments of rest.
That morning, the fatigue he felt was not merely physical. It was deeper and more persistent, the kind of exhaustion that sleep does not resolve. He glanced at the clock and the time was 6:08 am then, a rational thought emerged: “If I get up now, I will still make it to the office on time.” But before he could throw the blankets away, his body resisted. His chest tightened, his limbs felt heavy, and then a quieter, more unsettling thought surfaced: “What if I just don’t get up today? Not forever, just today.” He felt he just needed to take a short break….from life. As he sat with that thought, his phone buzzed from the bedside table.
Reluctantly, he reached for it and a message from an old friend appeared, simple and without context: “Check on your mind the same way you check on your phone battery.” Tendai stared at the message and for a moment with a bit of annoyance. “What does that even mean?” he thought to himself. He almost dropped the phone and rolled over again, but something about it lingered. He lifted himself up slowly and sat up and for the first time that morning, he paused. Not to think but to notice. He suddenly realised that his thoughts were loud, fast, harsh and then it hit him.
“I have had a full conversation in my head since I woke up and none of it was kind”. He placed his hands over his face and sobbed! Not because his life was collapsing, but because he recognised the extent to which his internal dialogue had been working against him.
Many people think that their day begins when they start on the day’s activities, yet in reality, it begins with their first thought the moment they wake up. For most people, that initial thought is not encouraging, but fearful, critical and defeating. This is not necessarily a reflection of weakness or failure, but rather a function of how the human mind operates.
The brain is naturally wired with a negativity bias as a survival mechanism, continuously scanning the internal and external environments for potential threats and problems. If left unchecked, the mind gets dominated with comparison, self-criticism, fear and pressure. Over time, these repeated thought patterns begin to feel factual, shaping how a person thinks, feels, reacts and behaves.
However, what is often overlooked is that the same mind conditioned for survival can be trained for strength. In Tendai’s case, the shift did not come through a dramatic breakthrough, but through a simple yet powerful intervention: awareness. As he slowly got out of bed, he paused and asked himself a question: “What have I been telling myself since I opened my eyes this morning?” The answers were immediate and harsh “you are behind, you are not doing enough, you are failing, you will not catch up with your peers, you will die poor no matter how hard you work”.
He paused again and asked a second question: “Is this helping me, or is it sinking me?” There was silence, not in his room but in his head for the first time in a very long time and in that moment, something changed. Not externally, but internally. There was a brief, but significant pause in the mental noise, marking the beginning of a different way of engaging with his thoughts.
This is the essence of Mind Fitness, the deliberate practice of training the mind to function in ways that supports, rather than undermines one’s performance and wellbeing. Whether we realise it or not, we are constantly in conversation with ourselves.
The 2005 National Science Foundation (NSF) study suggests that the average person has 12 000 to 60 000 thoughts per day, with up to 80% being negative and 95% repetitive.
What this implies is that most people get trapped in negative thinking patterns, often resulting in negative life experiences. One of my favourite quotes is – “life always follows the direction of your thoughts”. It is a personal responsibility to monitor and direct one’s thoughts in the direction of one’s dreams and desires.
As a Mind Fitness Coach, one of the most effective tools that I use personally and recommend for mind management is “The Thought Check Method.” At various points throughout the day, it is important to pause and ask yourself three simple questions:
What am I telling myself right now? Is this helping me or hurting me? What is a more supportive thought I can choose? This process does not require perfection, but rather consistent awareness and a willingness to challenge unhelpful patterns and that can change everything.
As Tendai stepped out that morning, locking the door behind him, the world had not changed. Work demands persisted, and responsibilities did not diminish.
However, Tendai’s internal engagement with those circumstances began to shift. Each time negative thoughts emerged, he noticed them, paused and gently challenged them.
He introduced an alternative perspective: “Maybe I am not behind; maybe I am just under pressure, and this will not last forever.”
While the statement did not immediately feel convincing, it disrupted the automatic negative narrative and created space for a more balanced interpretation of circumstances. This process was neither dramatic nor flawless, but it was consistent and therein lies the foundation of meaningful change.
The broader implication is clear. People do not necessarily rise to the level of their external circumstances, but rather to the level of their mental conditioning.
In an environment where professional and personal pressures continue to intensify, the ability to actively manage one’s internal dialogue is no longer a luxury, but a critical skill.
*Jessie Mhaka is an executive coach and leadership strategist, certified by the Institute of Coaching and Mentoring Foundation (ICMF). She is currently the overall coach of the year award holder and the mental health coach of the year with the same institute. She is the founder and executive director of BeMindFit and advises organisations on executive mental fitness, mindset transformations, and sustainable high performance.
These weekly articles are coordinated by Lovemore Kadenge, an independent consultant, managing Consultant of Zawale Consultants (Private) Limited, past president of the Zimbabwe Economics Society and past president of the Chartered Governance & Accountancy Institute in Zimbabwe. Email: kadenge.zes@gmail.com or Mobile No. +263 772 382 852