Most readers of this article will know who Paul McCartney is – he may be over eighty years old now but he obviously principally gained enormous fame as the bass guitarist, vocalist and fellow song-writer for the global phenomenon that was The Beatles, ultimately becoming one of the best-selling music artists of all time. Interestingly, however, the Beatles did not gain immediate recognition but were turned down by various record labels, most famously Delta Records who felt that that “guitar groups are on the way out” and that “The Beatles have no future in show business”. Oops!
Who knows that as recently as 2018 Paul McCartney produced an albeit little-known song entitled ‘Who Cares’? Even if we did know, we may actually ask the same question as the title – who cares that Paul McCartney wrote and sang a song called ‘Who cares?’? He has written and composed hundreds of songs – who cares if this is another one? Is he promoting this song all the time?
So, who played in the final of the World Cup in 1962 (the year the Beatles had their first hit, ‘Love Me Do’)? Even if there is some soccer fanatic out there who knows the answer, what if we ask the predictable follow-up question, “Who won?” – will we know the answer to that question? Meanwhile, the rest of us (and even that soccer fanatic) may well ask “Who cares?” At the time it may have appeared very important but it is less important now, sixty four years later (remember the Beatles hit ‘When I’m Sixty-?) Who played? Who won? Who cares?
When we are at school it appears so important (very often more important to the parent than the child) that our child’s school wins all its matches, that our child is selected for the school, even provincial, especially national team – we may even go to the lengths of suing the school or selectors because the child has not been selected for the Under 13 provincial team. (What valuable lessons the child could learn by having to learn from not being selected, even when it seemed they had a very reasonable chance). Will they put on their CV years later which team they played for at junior school? Parents are desperate for their child to be made a Prefect, even at junior school – yet does that go on their CV? We have to say this; it is all, really, rather petty.
We as coaches and parents can though become so competitive that it borders on extreme pettiness. We think that we are valued and loved only if we win. That wonderful romantic comedy ‘A Knight’s Tale’ starring Heath Ledger has the hero trying desperately to win the love of the beautiful princess by winning a jousting tournament (such was medieval sport), only to be told by her that “If you love me, lose!” Male ego finds that very hard to understand, and even more so when, after he has gone out to lose, being battered and bruised, in the process, she tells him now to go and win!
But the whole problem of competitiveness is intensified and compounded as that determination or desperation to win is carried into every area of our life, including business, relationships and driving. We have to win – really? A boss is hurt by the treatment afforded him by one person that he goes out of his way and gives orders that will affect many others, make life much harder, all just to show who is the winner. So much of what we try to win is so petty, desperate, which again highlights that at the heart of com-peti-tiveness is indeed pettiness.
Who cares if we won or lost? Who cares if we were once a Prefect? Who cares if we won or did not win a prize or Colours or Merits at school? Who cares if we had an unbeaten record? Who cares if we have gained ten As at O level? Who cares if we played first team sport in five sports?
What really matters is whether we care for others, not whether we won or lost. As Paul McCartney sang, “Who cares what the idiots say? Who cares what the idiots do?” What matters is who cares for them. “Who cares about the pain in your heart?” (that pain often having been caused by the petty approach others have had to competitiveness). The song ends with that refrain, “Who cares about you?” The singer’s response is “I do”. The question is: do we as coaches and parents? Do we care about our children and their well-being? Or are we so obsessed with petty insignificant results that have no long-lasting relevance or impact? Why, exactly, do we have to win? Why is it so incumbent upon us to win – and to win everything? Who cares? Now, that is the question.