Good move: Only Owner can make car donations

LAST week, the reeling party was unanimous, as usual, as it came up with one very important decision: that only Owner — and no more anyone else — can make car donations.

Muckraker can confess that this is one of the most important decisions that the all-important Political Bureau of the party has ever come up with in its weekly sittings in a very long time.

So, from now on, only Owner, and no one else, can donate cars to car-crazy Zimbos. It is now exclusively a presidential prerogative — just like that of officially opening any project, both public and private, valued upwards of US$100 000. So, anyone found to be going against this important policy decision would be guilty of, among other crimes, undermining and insulting the Owner!

This is something that was long overdue. Zimbos ought to be reminded that there is only one person who matters in this country — Owner! And, therefore, it follows that only he should be seen to be the most generous and no one else.

Why should mere individuals, party members or otherwise, be seen to be more generous than the one and only blessing that the country ever had? Aren’t Zimbos soon going to be getting a special documentary about their Owner?

Good riddance

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When a leopard decides to eat its own cubs, it starts by accusing them of smelling like goat kids. This week, the reeling party sent a very clear message to its membership that it is in business and it really means business to be in this ruthless business by throwing two of its own, Moses Mpofu and Mike Chimombe, under the bus. It ordered that they be jailed for an effective 15 years and 12 years respectively for purportedly defrauding the government of more than US$7 million in a supposed presidential goat scheme.

If you ask Muck, Mpofu & Co — who have endured a pre-trial detention of over 18 months — are not being jailed for stealing any goats’ money. There was never any goats project to start with, but just another of the many schemes to loot public funds, the looting which they accordingly did as duly attested members of the cult that exists exclusively for that purpose.

If you also ask Muck, he will tell you that former Mines minister Winston Chitando was not fired for incompetence because not one individual in the scam we have for a government is competent in anything other than looting. He was also not fired for being corrupt, as others have been claiming, because in the cult, corruption is actually a badge of honour, not one of shame. We all know who is the godfather of corruption in this country, don’t we?

Yet naïve Zimbos are busy celebrating the jailing of the duo and Chitando’s dismissal for supposed corruption, practices that in the cult’s normal scheme of things would have earned the trio massive promotion.

If members of the cult had anything remotely like conscience left in them, we would have pointed out to them that “in the private forum of their conscience”, these “victims” know why they have been thrown under the bus, yet conscience is the first thing that one has to give up upon joining the queue for membership.

The do’s and don’ts of the cult are very clear; and it is exactly for the latter that the trio is what it is today. It is not just called a cult for nothing, just as the trio and many others that are now suffering the unforgiving consequences, can now attest.

The duo is being jailed for daring to expose the secrets of the cult; especially the sensitive stuff about the tenders around the 2023 sham elections.

“We are aware that as soon as funds are received into your Standard Bank account number **** held at Southdale Branch, you immediately transfer more than 66% of the money received to Wicknell Chivayo’s Intratek bank accounts,” the duo allegedly wrote in their careless letter of demand in which they threatened Angus Carlaw of REN-Form, the South African firm that was being used as a conduit for this particular looting. 

“This is clear evidence of your participation in money laundering, where you are overcharging the Government of Zimbabwe and sending the overcharged money to individual accounts.

“This is in violation of South African laws and international laws. Please be advised that most of the individuals involved in this money laundering are on the US Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) sanctions list.

“Therefore, you are assisting sanctioned individuals to hide money, which is a very serious offence. If this comes to light with the Department of the US Treasury, you will be in serious trouble …”

Surely, how could they dare?! Imagine tagging family enemies — in this case the evil Americans — in a private family estate dispute. It is not a done thing — never ever!

For doing that, they are being made examples for anyone who might be tempted to consider the mischief. They should actually count themselves very lucky because many who tried half this mischief never lived to apologise.

The jailing of Mpofu & Co and the dismissal of Chitando, both of which Zimbos are celebrating, are actually in-house affairs that do not benefit them in any way. It is merely like the re-arranging of furniture at Shake-Shake Building. It will not bring any material benefit to the country.

Meanwhile, the BEAM money that was “borrowed” to fund the 2024 Sadc Summit remains outstanding.

Real African development

Talk of real development taking place in Africa! Just look at what has happened in Djibouti, one of the most developed countries on the continent, where parliament has unanimously voted to remove the 75-year age limit for presidential candidates, effectively paving the way for Cde Ismail Omar Guelleh to run for his sixth term and many more in the future!

This is the real development that all well-meaning Africans should celebrate. Under undue influence from Western wire-pullers, Cde Guelleh had made the mistake of making constitutional changes that introduced the age limit, only for him to realise that 27 years is too short a time for a leader to do a perfect job.

And, thankfully, he has corrected his error by now allowing himself to run for a few more terms, especially considering that Djiboutians are so crazy about him, given the 98% victory they gave him in 2021 when he could not find anyone to compete against him!

Muck is really happy that as Zimbos, we are on our sure path to becoming another Djibouti! Just like wine, leaders only get better with age! The term and age limit trick are part of the neo-colonial strategy of under-developing the African continent.

Who does not know that people with leadership qualities are always in critically short supply? So, when a country gets blessed with a disarmingly able leader like in our case, why should it let go of that blessing just for the sake of term and/or age limits?

Just laughing

Muck is just laughing. Some people believe that body-worn cameras reluctantly introduced by the Zimbabwe Republic Police will end corruption on the country’s roads … Muck is just laughing at this silly joke!