Why do we not enjoy losing?

school of sport

With TIM MIDDLETON

In the 1970s there was a popular children’s collection of stories in book and television format entitled, The Wombles of Wimbledon. These Wombles were furry creatures who lived in burrows whose aim was to look after the environment by collecting and recycling rubbish; their motto was “Make Good Use of Bad Rubbish” while the theme song of the television show included the lines that they were “Making good use of the things that we find, Things that the everyday folks leave behind” and they “Pick up the pieces and make them into something new”.

Of course, Wimbledon is more well-known for its tennis tournament, one of the four major tournaments played for each year, with total prize money this year of over 35 million pounds sterling. There is added pressure on the top players to win the major titles, but for others, it may simply be the desire to avoid being knocked out in the first round. A recent newspaper report discussing a Grand Slam match between two of the top women players, Serena Williams and Victoria Azarenka, highlighted the fact that the former was still having to deal with the pressure of trying to beat the record held by Margaret Court for the most Grand Slam titles while in contrast Azarenka was playing without pressure because she was finally enjoying her sport having “taken the fear of failing away”.

All of the above perhaps raises an important (but rarely asked) question: What is the big deal about losing that makes us so determined not to lose and so dismissive of those who do lose? Why can we not enjoy losing? Why do we not enjoy losing?

One reason may be that we claim we cannot enjoy sport if our livelihood depends on it. However, if our livelihood does depend on winning and we are not winning, then perhaps we are pursuing the wrong livelihood, though many who may claim not to enjoy losing probably do not lose a huge amount from not winning. Maybe we should be grateful for the opportunity to realise before it is too late that this is not an area in which we will excel or develop.

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Secondly, we may claim to not enjoy losing because our self-esteem is affected by losing. However, anyone should realise that our value is not determined by our results but by how we respond to them — in truth, if anything, our value is determined more by how we respond to both winning and losing. Alternatively we may not enjoy losing because we feel that our status is affected by losing. Really? Will our girlfriend not marry us if we lose? If so, then, good news, it is best to find that out before any further commitment is made! Of course, there are people who are only interested in people who win, who will therefore jump ship as soon as the winner starts to lose, whether that is in politics, love or business, but again, do we really want to associate and be linked to them?

Serena Williams is said to have the added pressure of trying to beat the record of most Grand Slam titles but who says she must attain that record? Why must she gain that record? What will she gain if she does beat that record? And what will change if she does not? And even if she does attain that record, someone one day will beat it; is she suddenly less of a person for that? What is the big deal?

So, what is the problem of losing? Why do we not enjoy losing? Losing a sporting match is not death; it is not a disease of any nature or degree; it is not an injury. It is nothing like poverty or starvation or homelessness. It is not divorce or a break-up of a long-standing relationship. It is not having your child taken from your custody. It is not abuse. When we begin to understand that, the fear of failing will certainly fall away. Let us keep things in perspective. We lost a match — that is all.

It is more than just the word Wimbledon that connects the opening two paragraphs. We need to make good use of the losing, the rubbish, that we find and recycle it for the betterment of mankind. We need to help our children to enjoy the thrill, excitement, challenge, opportunity and freedom of playing sport, at whatever level they play and whether they win or lose. They need to enjoy losing as much as they enjoy winning. Like the Wombles, we need to clean up sport, not just the environment, and throw the result out as the real rubbish. Enjoy the game, not the result. When we enjoy our sport, we will not worry about the result and as a result we will play with no fear. Enjoy!

• Tim Middleton is a former international hockey player and headmaster, currently serving as the Executive Director of the Association of Trust Schools Email: ceo@atschisz.co.zw