What women need to know about men


BY Jonah Nyoni / Margaret Mwamuka
A MAN is a unique being. A man is different from a woman. This pertains to their physicality and their behavioural traits, which, therefore, means, as a woman, you should not expect your man to be like you, behave like you, love what you love, do what you love doing. A man is different.

The problem comes when a man wants to be a woman, or a woman wants to be like a man. So, our differences should not make us enemies, but spice up the very existence of that marriage.

The worst problem is when a man does not know who they really are, their power and purpose. What is real manhood? If that question is answered, most men would know their purpose.

Sometimes, women don’t know the purpose of this man in their life because they have been confused by this man who does not even know why they exist.

According to Dr Myles Munroe: “Contemporary concepts of maleness are often ambiguous. They also tend to focus on roles rather than on the male’s underlying purpose — a crucial distinction.”

In a research that we carried out, we discovered certain patterns that would feature time and again about maleness, manhood, the man or father. In trying to decipher what women need to know about men, both women and men answered the question.

A total of 135 out of 136 people responded to question. 86 (63,7%) women answered the question. A total of 49 (36,3%) responded. We discovered the recurrence of the following themes about men:


The king in every man seeks to be respected. Men want to be esteemed or regarded in their qualities, abilities or achievements.

Shaunti Feldhahn, a marriage expert and researcher, said: “A man’s highest need is to feel respect, whereas a woman’s highest need is to feel loved.”

This notion was qualified by our research through textual analysis, where the word “respect” came above other words. To respect is to value, reverence and hold in esteem.


The research shows that men have an ego. Ego gives the man the drive to perform. This is the drive when negatively bruised, or watered down, affects how the man performs. However, there is a positive and negative ego.

Positive ego talks of self-esteem, self-importance, self-respect, self-confidence and self-image. Negative ego is being haughty,  puffed-up or over-confident. If a woman wants to paralyse the strength of a man, they should bruise the ego of a man.

Sexual beings

For a man sex is not that thing that must come once in a while. Sex is a need to a man. Some people could think that because men wants sex most of  the times that has to be

The sex drive of a man and a woman can be different, it would take wisdom for both the woman to appreciate that dichotomy. Usually, a man has higher sex drive than a woman. Men think more about sex and they are turned on

A man looks and can be turned on. He can think and be turned on. Sex is important to a man. A woman can do other things first and sex is the last thing, but that is an inverse for a man.

Head of the family

According to Ephesians 5:23 ESV, “the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”  See 1 Corinthians 11: 3.

A strong man takes his position to protect the family. A man is a strategist, visionary who walks in his true purpose.


The thinking pattern of men is different from women. Men think of a bigger vision, and women think of the small bits that are needed to reach that bigger vision. Men have this big picture, and women put attention to detail and colour

Single tasking

Generally, a male brain focuses on one (single tasking) or few things at a given moment. Whereas the brain of a woman can compute multiple (multi-tasking) things at a time.

  • Jonah Nyoni is an author, speaker, and leadership trainer
  • Margaret Mwamuka is a marriage counselor, life coach and singer