Naturally, in Africa, we struggle with maintenance issues. I am sure you realise this. We seem to be struggling with keeping the original state of things.
By Kilton Moyo
It will appear to me that we do not have either the intention or the knowledge to maintain things as we found them.
No matter how beautiful the thing is, once it is at our disposal, it depreciates at an alarming rate.
I mean almost everything we touch will just fall in value like that and we never think of keeping it as attractive. I am not very sure why it is so.
Maybe it is our cultural mind-set or attitude. We need at some point to interrogate this so we can put a stop to this.
It will seem like this is affecting us also in our marital relationships.
Most of us are so reckless with our relationships, while many too are so careless when it comes to keeping each other well in marriage.
The Bible says in Proverbs 18 verse 22 that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord. I want us to look at this deeper in the context of our marital relationships.
If you find a wife, you have found a good thing. I want to presume that this good thing called a wife is from the Lord.
God, in His nature, will always provide good things. The Bible does not talk of the husband making a woman into a good wife and all that.
It implies that you find her already complete, a wife. You are not the one making her a wife. She is already a wife and is good. I thought, therefore, that my duty or role as a husband was to keep this good thing good so I can continue in the favour of God.
Now, this is where the challenge lies in maintaining the good wife and so I can always enjoy the good she has and the good she is.
Why is it so difficult to keep good things good in our culture? Why is it so difficult to see and recognise good things in our culture? Let me try to show you a few reasons why we struggle.
Culture of mocking women
In most African cultures, women are always mocked and regarded as inferior and second-class people. In fact, our African attitude towards women makes most of us see nothing of value in them.
Our attitude is contrary to that of God. When God says you have found a good thing in finding a wife, your culture says she is of no value and you can do whatever you want.
I want to believe that our culture has robbed us of the beauty of the marital relationship. We rubbish the beauty of God. We mock the glory and the majesty of God given to us.
It is sad that we still choose our own ways at the expense of the ways of God and thus oppress and deny ourselves all of His beauty intended for us.
Humanistic attitude towards women
The whole world has a corrupt attitude towards women. Humanism is busy trying to cheat women out of their God-given beauty and position in society.
The woman the world is creating, no matter how educated she is, is fake.
Just listen to the world talk about wives. They are called all names of evil. They are viewed as trouble, problem, gold diggers and all you can think of.
Now, if you have such a conviction about wives, surely I will be foolish to expect you to see any good in them.
You see, beloved, the world corrupts and perverts things and it is so negative about women.
God says if you find a wife you find a good thing and you obtain favour with Him, but the world says if you find a wife you find trouble and problems and you cut short your life.
This is a horrible thing and rebellion against God. Many of us are caught up in this lie and have abused our wives and women based on this. How I pray we can align our thinking with that of God.
May be the question now is: Well, pastor, how can I do this? Let me suggest this to you.
Believe that your wife is a good thing and that God never lies. Remember that it is to you as you believe. When you believe it you will see it.
Be fully persuaded that you are married to a good wife, a good thing. Stop listening to all humanistic and cultural robbery, but just believe the Creator.
Stop seeing negatives in your wife. See the good she does. It is sad that you are living with someone you claim to love, but you are so keen in highlighting her mistakes and never the good. That is not love. She cooks so well every day and you never appreciate, but the day she cooks badly, for whatever reason, you call her all names and abuse her.
Beloved, your wife is a good thing. You can only enjoy this truth if you change your view of womanhood. You can only enjoy this if you align your thinking with that of God.
Unless this happens, you will remain an abuser of beautiful people and beautiful things around you.
It is a sad day when men cannot recognise beauty and honour it. They become destructive and I am not surprised there is so much destruction in our continent.
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Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme, and is pastor, counsellor and author of Marriage Fitness. Call or WhatsApp on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 firstname.lastname@example.org.