THE first human to human relationship God created was marriage. Mankind learnt to relate and live in marriage, as the first bond of society.
By Kilton Moyo
I can say that the first community of humans created was marriage, which then shows how foundational and important it is to human life even today.
To me, it is important that time and again, we pause and take stock of the state of marital unions around us. What are marriages struggling with today?
How can we help? How bad is the state of marriage today and why?
There is so much that comes to mind that we can do. One can tell a marriage is not in a good state considering the high divorce rates. Today, I want to look at a few factors that increase the likelihood of divorce in our society.
My list is not exhaustive. I know there is more, but this is what could be more common and what many couples should try and avoid so as to save and enjoy their marriages.
Staying together before marriage
Well, someone might be quick to dismiss this, but research shows that many who do this end up in divorce. Most people think it is cool to do so without considering many things. Are you staying together because you want to marry and live together or you are just sex mates?
Having religious differences
It is important to marry someone, who believes what you believe. Never ignore your religious beliefs, as they have the potential to haunt your relationship. Many divorce because they ignored this right at the beginning.
For Christians, the Bible is clear that a believer cannot marry a non-believer.
Marrying at a young age
There are two faces to this sad issue. There are those who are forced into early child marriages, which is a criminal act, and there are those, who rush into marriage for whatever reason only to regret and walk out.
Marriage is not a temporary thing. I have always said this that marriage is suffering from serious immaturity and some of this is age related. It is a huge responsibility. It’s not just about sex.
Seeing one’s parents divorce
Research shows that you can also divorce if you do not handle your pain carefully. When parents divorce their children are more affected and live with that and carry it into their future.
Many become fearful and emotionally unbalanced and they begin to see traits of the offending parent in their spouse and they let go.
Not committed to relationships
Today’s generation is very casual about their relationships. They are easy to quit and have no patience to fix and build. With this mind-set, marriage suffers a lot of things. Many find it easy to walk out of their relationships than to engage and build.
Relationships are based on how much you give yourself to them and not how much you are getting from the spouse
Many people in marriage are selfish. They focus on what is more important to them, as an individual and not to their marriage. They want the marriage to be them as an individual.
This level of self-interest has destroyed many marriages. Marriage is about two different people joined by their love on a journey to becoming one flesh. This requires letting go a lot of self-interests.
To me, our cultural attitude towards marriage is a huge culprit. The concept of marriage in human culture is skewed and against what God created.
As long as man remain bullies, marriages will not stand. Culture grooms men into bullies and abusers and women into toys and objects.
Human rights myths
We all need to understand that most of these human rights movements operate on serious myths about family, women, men and marriage. The intention is to destroy God’s mission with humanity and as such many are misleading. You cannot build marriage on such myths. Many have been hurt.
Largely because of cultural attitudes and myths, we hear a lot of cynicism about marriage. You hear a lot of jokes and silly humour around marriage. Many take these seriously and destroy marriages.
It is surprising that even some part of the church is still so malicious about women and men. Culture teaches wrong and dehumanising things. Humanism also teaches misleading information. Religion is also a culprit.
Unless men and women understand each other from the point of view of God, their relationships will continue to suffer strange things.
I believe that it is our responsibility to see the state of marriage and family improve for the better. To do this we need to seriously engage each other on these issues as stated above.
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