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Auntie Gee’s Corner


Wife haunted by past

Dear Aunty Gee

My wife and I have been together for five years. We have no kids yet. My wife is the best thing that has ever happened to me. However, the challenge is, she has been dealing with a lot of insecurities which are slowly taking a toll on our relationship. I constantly find myself feeling that no matter what I do, it’s never enough to make her feel good about herself. She was sexually abused at school during her teenage years and never told anybody, but me. I’ve always been supportive of her. I’ve suggested several times that she gets professional help, but she’s always been against it. I keep thinking we’ll never last long if she doesn’t deal with her past. I just don’t know how to handle it.

Dear Andy

You sound like a good man. It’s quite obvious that your wife needs professional help. This isn’t something you can ‘fix’ – she needs more than reassurance. Because she confided in you, she’s able to show you all her insecurities. It’s almost as if she’s asking you to cure her of them and you can’t. Tell her how you feel and reassure her that you love her and don’t want to be with anyone else, but that you don’t want to continue like this. You can even suggest couples’ counselling where she will have the comfort of your presence.
Good luck.
***Aunty Gee***

‘Girlfriend giving me torrid time’

Dear Aunty Gee

I’m 40, married to a great woman and with three children and my problem dates back to my first girlfriend. I’d known her all my life, as our parents were good friends before either of us was born and we lived next door to each other. One day, while I was at university, she called to say she was pregnant with my baby. I was confused as I’d used protection. I was 20 then. We did a paternity test after the baby was born and it proved the baby wasn’t mine. Recently, the child showed up in my life claiming to be my son. How do I handle this?

Dear Ray

If you open the door to your ex, it’ll be hard to close it again and she might think you still have feelings for her. I don’t think you should encourage a relationship, but I think she needs help to deal with her past and move on. Of course, she must know who her son’s father is or at least have an idea. It’s very unfair on her son. You need to stress that to her.
***Aunty Gee ***

Feedback: auntygees@newsday.co.zw

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