I AM not sure if there is any couple in the whole world that has not experienced some mood swings one way or the other in their relationship. Maybe they are there and I would like to praise God for such a people in our midst and surely I would like to interview them to see how they have dealt with this part of humanity that can be destructive to relationships if not held with wisdom. If you happen to read this and you are one such rare couple please, kindly call me and we talk. We need your experience.
Relationships: Kilton Moyo
Back to earth, I know that many couples have suffered devastating mood swings and some are left wondering what really is going on. Today I just want to look at a few effects and reasons for such. Naturally speaking mood swings are associated with women largely because of their biological makeup. This means that nature expects women to be moody here and there largely because they are more emotionally wired than men. This suggests that their moods swing from one level to another as per whatever speaks to their emotions. However, these days there are many men who are also so emotional you wonder what has happened to them. I just want to stick to moods in a relationship and more so in a marriage. I sympathise with you greatly if you have a spouse who is all weathers in one month. Have you seen such spouses? They leave the other partner not only surprised, but ashamed. Let me show you what these do.
Instill fear
Uncontrolled mood swings cause the other spouse to be afraid. They are no longer sure of what to do. They do not even know whether it is them who cause the sudden lapse or there is something else. This kind of uncertainty brings a sense of worry and fear and some spouses really give up. The last thing you want is for your spouse to be afraid of you. Fear is a destroyer of love and trust.
Compromise the quality of romance
Mood swings are the culprits in watering down the quality of romance in a relationship. How on earth do you really enjoy quality time with someone whose moods change more than the weather? Your partner is not even sure what to say do or not say or do and as a result, commitment is compromised. When this happens, the couple becomes tense and less outreaching and somehow stressed.
Creates resentment
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Spouses begin to resent each other and this creates a huge gulf between people who are supposed to be loving each other and enjoying being together. Moods are thieves of joy and peace in a marriage or any relationship for that matter. Couples entertain these at their own peril.
I have seen many wonderful relationships crippled by this serious lack of self-control and selfish behaviour. May be let us just look at what could be the cause of these. I will suggest a few here and hopefully as we discuss during the week, we might identify more so we can help each other. Some causes might be the following;
Regrets
When you are in a relationship and you are regretting being there, you are bound to be emotionally unbalanced and fall into unnecessary swings. This is very hurting to you both as a couple.
Anger
There could be unresolved anger within the spouse. They do not have the courage to speak out and, therefore, suffer lapses whenever they think of what angered them. Couples need to learn to have courage to speak out in love, so they avoid bottling up issues that can be a snare to their love and affection.
Pride and selfishness
Some people are naturally proud and selfish and the challenge with such people is that they do not want to deal with this as they think that is how they were created. This is where the deception lies. God, the Creator, hates pride. This means that pride is not a God-attitude, but a destructive attitude which is obviously of the devil.
Spiritual
Some moods are really spiritual and the afflicted need to seek spiritual help. I will not be wrong to say that some of these moods are a result of possession by unclean spirits and people need to get rid of these. You cannot allow such spirits to deny you your joy in marriage. You cannot allow such spirits to hijack your life and torture you this way. Deliverance is needful here.
Wrong thoughts
Some swings are a result of wrong thoughts. Some people would really allow their minds to get lost and think weird things about their spouses or other people until their emotions are saturated with such wrong information. Once you slumber into such a pit, it’s hard to come out quickly. You cannot enjoy marriage when you are ever suspicious of your spouse. Suspicion kills trust. The word of God encourages us, mostly Christians, to always think of good, pure, holy, excellent things. Your mind is critical in deciding your moods.
There is a need that we are all intentional in enjoying our relationships. There is no reason going into a relationship if you are not aiming at enjoying it. Do not waste other people’s time. To enjoy your relationships, try your best to deal with some of the things I have mentioned here which compromise your commitment and joy. Deal with the past well and do not allow it to afflict your present and the future.
It is my hope that somebody out there will commit to enjoying their marriage or relationship and learn self-control.
Follow us on all our media channels and call us or write to us. You can also read our book Marriage Fitness or any of our eight books. They are available online. At Fruitful Marriages we offer you very sound, practical, relevant and restoring coaching and counselling on marriage and relationships. We are available seven days a week. Invite us or attend our meetings.
Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of Marriage Fitness. Call or whatsap on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or [email protected]
