Nothing is as exciting as the immortalisation of those who lead us, albeit for their bleeps and blunders. Reality television has been gaining undeserved popularity against the backdrop of an audience expecting something dramatic and embarrassing to happen in real time, in those moments when we are unguided and prone to act naturally without choreographing our behaviours.
By John Mokwetsi,Online Editor
It is more mind friendly when it happens to politicians. Politicians, perhaps because they are viewed as despicable humans bent on causing us misery, provide a good show for our humour when the worst happens to them. Here are the top five moments in the lives of our political players.
1)Grace Mugabe
Nothing makes for good listening than when the First Lady, Grace Mugabe takes to the podium to address anyone who cares to listen. So NewsDay was attentive recently when Zanu PF supporters and onlookers converged at St John’s Primary School in Buhera for one of her many rallies across Zimbabwe.
Just when most people expected the First Lady to address issues to do with food security and shortage of money for farmers and other everyday issues bedevilling this Southern African country, she brew a shocker.
To a thunderous applause from “loyal” supporters she asked them to vote for a corpse: “You hear people accusing me of still wanting to continue as the First Lady of this nation, saying that is why I don’t want to tell the President to retire. I am not the only one who voted for him.
“Only a fool will say that. We will field a candidate of a corpse on the ballot if God takes Mugabe and people will vote for him just to show how much the President is loved.”
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We gave a collective sigh and went on with our daily struggles like every other Zimbabwean.
2)Joseph Chinotimba
The story of Joseph and his coat of many colours has been with us since time immemorial. We know he was envied by his brothers because he was the father’s favourite. Chinotimba is a favourite of banter creators and a source of amusement on social media. But sometimes there is a fine line enough for people not to tell whether sometimes what the man says is serious or a joke.
On the eve of the bond notes introduction amid a restive population that feared the return to the Zimbabwean dollar era that they felt was being brought back through the back door, Chinotimba was there to give the best advice to all. It left many speechless but added value to Twitter memes.
We take verbatim from the Hansard.
“My question to Hon. Chinamasa is, is it possible for him to coin the bond notes so that we have $1, $5 or $10 bond coin because we have noticed that the people are not interested in bond notes but they would rather have bond coins – [HON. MEMBERS: Inaudible interjections.] – So, if we could have bond coins in various denominations, people will be very happy. The Minister of Finance and Economic Development and the Reserve Bank Governor should be looking at making $20, $50 and $100 bond coins and people will be very happy because they will have been given the monies they want, bond coins not bond notes.”
3)Vice President Phelekezela Mphoko
The VP is never one for diplomacy. In fact he has a talent at motor-mouthing and giving journalists easy page one diary pitches. Sometimes his words do not provide humour but pain. And it was so when he addressed people of Matabeleland South where, in similar but undesirable fashion, he reignited the memory of the atrocious murder of people of that region known infamously as Gukurahundi.
He decided to rewrite history for political expediency. On discovering that former Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai had earlier addressed the same audience, he sought to bury him but instead had his moment of madness while at it.
He alleged that Tsvangirai was heavily involved in a plot to kill the late former Vice-President Joshua Nkomo. Mphoko accused the MDC-T president of being part of a gang that had shot at the late ‘Father Zimbabwe’ in Masvingo.
Just as the people were open-mouthed about the allegation, he continued by saying the MDC-T leader had been heavily involved in Gukurahundi.
4)Kudzai Chipanga
Zanu PF national youth leader Kudzai Chipanga is not short of bootlicking mentors given he is surrounded by many. If at all he is not among the best of them given that people like Minister of Macro-Economic Planning and Investment Promotion, Obert Mpofu have set the bar too high for all. We remember with a chuckle the moment when in a correspondence to President Mugabe he signed off by saying “your ever obedient son.” We also cannot forget easily when fallen politician Webster Shamu referenced the President as “Mugabe you are Cremora”.Cremora is a popular powdered milk brand in Zimbabwe.
But we digress.
Chipanga outdid himself recently when in a landmark victory where bootlicking racing in the party is concerned he coined what is probably the best pick up line in the world from a youth leader to his president.
Chipanga in an interview with NewsDay said: ““To us, February 21 is not just a day. To us, it is a special day we treat in the same manner Christians treat December 25, the birthday of Jesus Christ. I don’t want to be blasphemous, but in my humble view, President Mugabe is second to Jesus Christ. He is our saviour, so his birthday means a lot for us the youths of Zimbabwe.”
5)Morgan Tsvangirai
The MDC-T leader might have had curious moments with various women in his political life. He seems to have recently managed that part of his life well because we could not unearth any recent gaffe worthy of our time. But we remember years ago when he became a victim of the viral effect of social media and the power of video
Tsvangirai has had his fair share of comic moments. Perhaps his most shocking was during his stint in government when he visited German Chancellor Angela Merkel.
Tsvangirai had a famous handshake. If the nimble-footed Argentinian footballer Diego Maradona had the “Hand of God” then the former PM had the “Handshake of Steel.”
In a video that went viral on YouTube Tsvangirai appeared to be holding on too hard to Merkel’s hand and as if in a trance kept at it longer than diplomatic etiquette allowed. As if that had not unsettled the leader of the most powerful economy in Europe, Tsvangirai made fun of protocol by standing on the dais with the German flag, instead of Zimbabwe’s.
The horror show began when Tsvangirai bowed to the German army at a parade.
We can never get over this one.
