I know that many people these days would make sweeping statements to the effect that the whole family system is failing. This is not true, because I know that there are so many healthy families despite challenges faced. It is not a lie that the integrity of the family has been seriously compromised by people’s sinful nature and humanistic teachings. Despite this onslaught on the family and its nature and purpose, there are still so many families that are very healthy. What we should be doing is reviving the family and encouraging more to adopt healthy ways of running it. I want to suggest to you a few things that healthy families do to stay afloat and dignified in the midst of current humanistic madness.
Relationships: Kilton Moyo
Have values
Healthy families have values. They teach members these values and will also give guidance in the development of religious beliefs and standards. You cannot keep a healthy family in this world if you do not have some sound values based on your religious beliefs. Most families struggle because they stand for nothing. They are copycats for everything. They have no foundational values and these are families that produce corrupt people, thugs and all that. I encourage values based on biblical standards of living. Anything built on such lasts and remains teachable. Do not be ashamed or afraid of teaching and training your children on your Christian values, beliefs and standards, more so in such times when even in Zimbabwe government allegedly trying to bring strange religions into the education system. What is taught at home will form the foundation.
Train sound principles
Healthy families teach and train sound principles, especially the principle of self-control. Self-control is foundational in the success of individuals in a crazy society like ours. Our children must be taught at home how to control their sexual impulses. This is major, beloved. Lack of self-control of sexual feelings has caused a lot of people a lot of problems. This is one reason why we have so many people falling to perverted sexual behaviours and the world sanitises perversion by placing it under the banner of human rights etc. Imagine when failure is made into a lifestyle.
Healthy families will teach and train their children on how to control themselves in the face of addictive technology. If we cannot do this, technology has a huge capacity to destroy our children and families.
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Healthy families create space in the family, where they can give individual feedback about behaviour and general progress. In many families this is lacking because of fear and lack of unity and focus. Family is a place of training and grooming. Feedback given here is genuine and truthful and meant for good. It is given out of love and vision. The family is meant to give people identity and make them feel and know they are accepted. Children, who are accepted at home are usually confident wherever they are. They are not begging the world for acceptance and identity. They already have these and know themselves better. The world is not teaching them about themselves, but merely giving opportunities to grow in who they are already.
Train in basic life skills
Life skills were not supposed to be a project brought into a community by some NGO or government department. These are what families should be teaching and training. I find it extreme offensive for families to abdicate such foundational duties to governments and NGOs. This is where the lie is. Healthy families will teach basic skills that include human relations and even conflict resolutions. Where do you think men learn the evil they perpetuate against women? A boy, who grows up in a family that is good in human relations, knows that a girl or woman is a human being too and should be treated with utmost respect. If families do not teach the right and true gender issues, we create fake people, who hurt and hate each other just because they are male or female. Families are well-positioned to train on problem-solving. I know that these days, the world is teaching problem or conflict resolution. I am one who does not believe in managing a problem. I believe in solving and resolving a problem or conflict. Families must equip their members with these skills and prepare them for life outside. The challenge we face these days is that the family is producing very weak people — people who are educated, but unlearned of life.
Give accurate information
The family is a very good and sound first source of information about everything. You do not want your children to just plunge into a world they have no idea about. This is why many have become victims. You see, the world is a huge system of both good and evil. Expose your children to both sides of the world while they are at home. Show them the evil there is out there. Show them the good out there. Show them the deception out there that looks deceptively good. Equip them with wisdom and discernment. Information from home creates belief systems in children. The challenge is that many of us parents are not giving our children accurate information about the world and as a result we have nurtured victims and abusers.
I could go on and on but my prayer is that you would keep your family healthy. I pray that you understand that family is the biggest university of life. What is learnt in the family will keep offspring safe and winning or unsafe and losing. Make your family a place of rest for your children. Make it a place for recuperation and restoration. Can your children run away from the harassing world and find peace at home? I see children running away from home into the world. This is sad.
Remember that we are available to come to you and help you with these issues and many more. If things go by plan, our first Family Hope Centre starts operating in Bulawayo in March. Thanks for praying for us as we serve. Our book Marriage Fitness is now available.
Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of Marriage Fitness. Call or whatsapp on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or [email protected]
