Last week, we looked at some destructive atmospheres in some families.
Relationships: Kilton Moyo
These are tendencies practised by some families, which really have cost them so much in their relationships.
We need to understand that families are built on relationships and that the enemy would want to steal good relationships and introduce his violent nature into the family.
Relationships are your biggest wealth as a family and these must be guarded jealously. You lose these, you have lost it all.
I want us to look at some very simple relationships tendencies that each family must be promoting, so as to create an atmosphere that promotes stability in the family.
Again, we must understand that all this depends on your choices, whether you are interested in the stability of your family or in the destruction of the same.
If you are a family builder like me, kindly consider these.
Stable families are rich in encouragement. Members encourage and inspire each other in all they do.
They understand the need for team work and so they would encourage each other and no one pulls backwards.
Parents take time to speak life, hope, faith and love to the children. They do not condemn their children, but encourage them.
They understand that growing up needs a lot of inspiration that comes from parents.
They also understand that the first hero for every child is their parent and so they will play this role with great wisdom.
They also understand that childhood and teenage-hood are littered with mistakes, misjudgments and errors and so they position themselves as pillars and fall back walls for the children.
They do not kill their children for making mistakes. Instead, they encourage towards the best.
Stable families listen to each other. They listen not to criticise, but to inspire.
Children growing up in a family environment, where they are heard and given time and chance to be themselves will grow up confident and bold in decision-making.
As a parent, you do not want to bring up victims or children who do not have what it takes to stand for themselves.
It starts with how much you listen to each other as a family. Most parents want to be listened to or heard, but cannot listen to other members of the family.
A family is made up of parents and children and this team must pay attention to each other if family is going to be stable and strong and winning against all the lies of the world aimed at destabilising it.
Affection and love
Stable families show a lot of affection and love to each other. Their love is both spoken and acted. The love is two way.
Parents love each other publicly and impart this to the children. The children also love their parents and love each other and share the common.
In any family, where there is love and affection, secrets are minimised. Members share their fears, concerns and dreams.
In such a family, you can easily discipline each other in love, correct each other and discipline each other well.
To me, as far as I see it, family is one huge discipleship mission and for the family to achieve this, affection, love and faith are critical.
Did you know that it is a wonderful feeling for every parent to produce children who love?
Love covers a multitude of sins. Love is an overcomer. Love dispels fear.
Patience or long-suffering
Stable families have this rare capacity to endure things. They know how to take time and be patient with each other.
Grooming children or family members is a process. Character-building is never an occasion.
It takes time and requires a lot of patience on the part of every family member.
Many of us, as parents, are easy to give up on our children. Sometimes we give up because we compare our children to each other unnecessarily.
Remember that if you have five children, you are dealing with five different individuals with different destinies and thoughts and dreams.
You cannot just wish they were the same. You are one as family, but you are all unique. Some will catch the family vision faster, while others will take longer. Be patient.
Others will be fast to understand who they are, while others take longer. Be patient still. Others will look rebellious and wayward, while others look so cool and orderly.
Stay patient as a parent. Keep the family together. Keep teaching, training and encouraging and before you know it, it is done. Patience pays, but it is painful and costly.
Let me end by saying to you that stable families are built when both parents are responsible. They both take their roles seriously towards a common family vision.
They allow each other to excel in their roles as father and mother. They support each other.
It becomes a nightmare when parents have no set standards and are not agreed on what kind of a family they want to build.
I hope you have agreed and you know what you want to produce.
Build your family on the foundation of the knowledge of God. Any other is a shaky foundation and will sink under pressure. Beware of corruption in the family.
Our book Marriage Fitness is now available. Bless your spouse with this marvellous investment this Valentine’s.
Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or WhatsApp on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or firstname.lastname@example.org