Never before has technology directly affected marriage relationships like the smartphone has. I do not remember a day passing without a news story that a couple has fought over this little beautiful gadget. The sad thing is that some couples have gone to the extent of divorcing or killing each other.
Opinion: Kilton Moyo
This is sad and unacceptable in a civilised generation like ours. Now I am not sure whether this new little “witch” is affecting only Zimbabwe or the whole globe. If it’s Zimbabwe alone, then something has gone wrong, seriously.
If it is the whole world, then this is a clear indication the enemy is at war using anything to destabilise marriages, so he can destroy family unity and purpose. Whatever the reasons given, I think as a people we need to look into this issue seriously and with wisdom.
To me this gadget is being abused. I do not want to believe that it is the source of all this. It just comes into a situation where already there is bottled or hidden conflict and it just lights up the fire. My intention today is just to try and help someone who will read this article with a few wise tips on the use of the smartphone at home.
Let us be mature as couples
I have said this in the past that marriage is suffering from a serious high level of immaturity. Marriage is for mature people. Immature couples will fight over anything, no matter how insignificant. Imagine fighting over why your spouse gave you their back while sleeping. Can you really sleep on one side the whole night?
Imagine fighting over why your spouse passed by a friend’s house after work, why they have not cooked and all those crazy things that you hear couples fight over. And now enter the smartphone.
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The arguments are the pin numbers. Spouses want to monitor what their spouses are writing in their phones. They want to read messages. They want to know the last number that called. Spouses want to be police officers over their spouses. Beloved all these are signs of immaturity in marriage.
I am shocked by levels of insecurity among couples. If you are insecure, you are always thinking that your spouse is seeing others who are better than you. Such kind of thinking is poisonous to any relationship in this life.
The moment you think that there can be someone out there better than you for your spouse, you are already walking a death path. Why not believe the best that you are the best. Do you know that our beliefs can imprison, impoverish or prosper us? You get what you believe even about your spouse.
Insecurity leads to inhumane jealousy. This leads to violence, which suffocates your relationship. Maybe you need to believe better and trust your spouse. The problem here is not with your spouse or their phone, but with you, who is afraid of everything in this life.
Respect your spouse
If you really respect your spouse you will not be doing what you are doing. I think there is serious lack of respect in many marriages. To me, where I am, my wife’s phone is her phone. I can only use it with her permission, not because she has anything to hide. It is important to respect each other to avoid just fighting over nothing.
Be open with each other
What are you looking for in your spouse’s phone? What are you hiding? Be open. Use your phones openly. Your wife can use your phone at any time.
For some of us, it is taboo for our spouses to touch our phones. I use my wife’s phone. I leave my phone with her. We try our best to be open. There is nothing to hide. I think that when couples become open with each other, things will be much better and we will minimise conflict.
I think that as a generation, we are failing to be responsible when we allow simple and useful gadgets like smartphones to divide us.
All we need is to be mature and use the phone to add value to our lives and relationships than add misery. The blessing of the Lord makes us rich and He adds no sorrow with it. I believe that technology is of God.
The devil never builds anything, but just steals and confuses things. Technology was never meant to destroy our marriages. It is a blessing from God and He adds no sorrow with it.
Is it the phone or it is our immaturity that is messing us up? I believe that the phone has no problem. We need to mature as couples. Enjoy the technology and do not kill each other over it. Be open and respectful to each other.
Trust each other and be transparent. I know there are some who are doing whatever they are doing. They need to grow up too and stop it.
Sometimes it is better not to know some things than to seek to know them and then die of stress. They say in my languages that if you do not want to see baboons, do not go to the mountain.
Fruitful Marriages is an enrichment programme meant to help you make your marriage work. We help you with all the levels of fitness in marriage. Our exciting school of marriage is for everyone who desires to enjoy a blissful marriage.
Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment program and is pastor, counselor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsap on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or [email protected]
