I KNOW that extramarital affairs are not only topical these days, but have become a pain to many people the world over. They are responsible for the breakdown of many marriages causing so much pain to spouses, children and relatives.
OPINION: KILTON MOYO
If there is any weapon the enemy uses so craftily to destabilise marriage, it is these affairs, which are referred to as infidelity or adultery in the kingdom of God.
I do not wish to bother anyone with theological explanations of these because I believe we all know how God feels about them. I just want to help us to be consciously aware of how these affairs find their way into our hearts and then harm us.
Are these affairs planned or they just happen? I know that you have heard many people say that they do not know what happened and they just saw themselves doing it.
Many cannot remember what really happened and use a lot of scapegoats to justify or defend their actions. Well, I want you to make your own judgments but honestly speaking, from experience and from what I hear around, these affairs are not just accidents. They do not just happen like that. Well I am not ignorant of the fact that there are some people whose hearts are just given to such, behaviours.
But I am looking at it from a normal person’s point of view. There are things that happen prior to any affair and you are not aware they are leading you to an extramarital affair.
These things that I want to show you might feel so cool and so innocent, in fact many of us enjoy them. Before you know it you are in a fix.
- Chamisa under fire over US$120K donation
- Mavhunga puts DeMbare into Chibuku quarterfinals
- Pension funds bet on Cabora Bassa oilfields
- Councils defy govt fire tender directive
Keep Reading
Did you know that the enemy can prepare you for your fall and you do not see that you are trapped? It starts with innocent little things. What we need, therefore, is the wisdom and discernment to know and see when an affair starts.
We need to know how it can start so we are aware and know how to handle things. Let me just share with you a few things here and hope they will help you. What I am sharing is obviously not the only issues. The enemy works in many subtle ways. What is the start point or entry point of an extra affair?
Gradually putting aside intimacy with your spouse
Many people allow many things to substitute their intimacy. They allow many things to eat into their passion for each other.
They begin to shun sex with their spouses. It becomes a labour and a bore and they no longer think it that much. They want sex, but they think they are not feeling like having it. Something is sitting in their hearts suggesting that they are okay like that.
They lose dating and no longer have time to sit and talk about them face-to-face. You are talking, but not face-to-face. You are not looking into each other’s eyes. The sparkle of love is kept alive when you look into each other’s eyes and talk. Eliminating this ends in trouble. They are no longer as touchy as they used to be. This could be the beginning of something dangerous.
When spouses stop pursuing each other they become complacent. In that process their hearts harden towards each other. Instead of seeing each other as lovers and as one, they begin to be ordinary to each other. This is very dangerous. May your spouse never be ordinary to you. May they always be special.
When they look into your eyes let life jump into your life. When they touch you or even pass by, let something trigger things inside of you. When you become ordinary to each other, you kill the romantic joy and many couples at this point become discontent and grumblers. This is the time someone would appear to be more attractive to you than your spouse.
Seeing others as more attractive than your spouse
Many make the mistake of over-admiring other people at the expense of their spouses. Let the truth be told that as long as we live in this flesh, we will always see some beautiful people around us.
There is nothing sinful with that. I am not sure if there is anyone who can stand and claim they have not met someone beautiful, even if they did not talk to them.
The danger comes when you begin to relate to this person and compare their physical make-up with that of your spouse and see them more stunning.
When you begin to like their character more than your spouse’s character, I think this becomes the snare. When you begin to feel more comfortable in their presence more than in the presence of your spouse, please know that you are being seduced not by them but your thoughts and feelings. Many have become victims of this false attraction.
You see, in all reality, there is an emotional space in you reserved only for your spouse. When you allow someone else to move into it, you are making a strange fire in your emotions. It might not be put out that easily.
The Bible, in Proverbs 22:3, says that a prudent man foresees danger ahead and hides himself, but the simple (foolish) pass on and are hurt. This is the challenge with many of us when it comes to extramarital affairs. We see the danger of what we are doing, but do not want to pull out because we are enjoying the false comfort.
I am not sure if there is someone who has not seen the danger in what they were doing before they hurt themselves? I cannot exhaust this subject today, but I want to believe, beloved, that extramarital affairs are not that much of accidents as you would believe. They take time to shape up, but we are not wise enough to see it only to be caught like trapped birds. Maybe today someone might take time to reflect and then become wiser unless you really want to fall.
Fruitful Marriages is an enrichment programme meant to help you make your marriage work. We help you with all the levels of fitness in marriage. Our exciting school of marriage is for everyone who desires to enjoy a blissful marriage.
Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsap on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or [email protected]
