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Managing sexual disorders in marriage

Opinion & Analysis
I am fulfilling a promise I made to you last week that I would share with you some suggested ways of handling sexual disorders in a marriage. I will be a day-dreamer if I entertain thoughts we can fully eradicate sexual disorders in marriage in this life. As long as we live under the sun, we will experience these. The biggest issue is how to handle them without destroying our marriages or each other.

I am fulfilling a promise I made to you last week that I would share with you some suggested ways of handling sexual disorders in a marriage. I will be a day-dreamer if I entertain thoughts we can fully eradicate sexual disorders in marriage in this life. As long as we live under the sun, we will experience these. The biggest issue is how to handle them without destroying our marriages or each other.

Kilton Moyo

RELATIONSHIP

There is no problem in this life without a solution. The challenge is that humanity lacks patience to listen and find a way out of a challenge. The other challenge is that men naturally do not want to look for help or ask others for help when they have issues like these. The male ego is costly unless we really come to our senses, swallow our pride and seek better knowledge than our oral and village knowledge. I remember saying this last week that it’s high time we operated marriage on knowledge, particularly the knowledge of God who created marriage and us too. Without this knowledge, beloved, we perish and we mess up ourselves unnecessarily. Sexual disorders are affecting many of us, rich and poor, learned and the unlearned, men in the church, in politics and everywhere. No one can laugh at others because this can happen to anyone. The best way forward is to try and help each other.

I suggest three ways of managing or handling these disorders.

Talk and do not fight

Talk about your sex life as a couple. Many of us want to do sex but never talk about it. As a couple, be open and talk about sexual issues in your marriage. Openness will help a lot of us to understand each other and be able to minister to each other accordingly. I do not understand where this shyness comes from when dealing with sexual things. When your spouse is experiencing some dysfuntionality, do not mock them but encourage them. This will be so if you are in the habit of sharing and talking about your feelings and what is going on in your bodies. My challenge is when couples fight over these dysfunctions as if they are invited. I am convinced that the day couples will learn to communicate and not fight; they shall build blissfulness in their marriages. We fight too much for nothing. Communication is key and it brings a lot of relief. Learn to stand together as a couple in trying times. Your spouse is already feeling embarrassed and you add more fire by mocking them. They need your understanding and love but you give them mockery. This is not love, beloved. Nurse each other’s feelings. The dysfunction is shared. Couples need to deal with it together. They need to play their roles together so they can go through this phase in victory. You certainly cannot destroy your marriage over such issues unless you really never wanted to be married to the person. I have seen instances where couples have fought, killed each other or divorced over such disorders. Beloved, it must not be so. Talk, advise and help each other.

Consult your doctor

It is advisable to get yourself checked up. There are many other physiological complications that can cause sexual disorders in your body. Have a trusted family doctor and get checked. This will help you to understand a lot of things. Please do not get to some prophet in the bush or some spiritist somewhere. You will be misled. They will tell you your spouse has bewitched you or some spirit is following you and many other imagined things. I tell you the truth, many have fallen victims to such liars. Just go get a medical checkup and you are done. Why would your wife bewitch you when she also wants to enjoy sex with you? After all, why is it always wives accused of these funny things?

Exercise

Physical exercise has a lot of benefits to our bodies. We ignore this to our own peril. I am not talking about developing some six-pack or whatever but just keeping your body fit. Your body needs this. Exercising is one way to start your body moving in the direction of good health. Good health is not only not being ill. It is about being happy and feeling whole from a spiritual, physical, mental and social point of view. Exercising reduces the risks and the progression of heart diseases, diabetics, cancer and premature death. You heard that? It lowers blood pressure, decreases the risk for obesity and diabetics. Remember too much fat in the body will affect your sexual performance. Mentally, exercising, is a great stress reliever and enhances overall psychological health. Stress is one of the causes of sexual disorders. Depression will decrease and your self-esteem increases when you exercise. Exercise facilitates emotional intelligence and conflict resolution which many couples need and strengthens intimacy and sexual life. Need I say any more? Specialists also say that it increases the flow of oxygen carrying blood cells to the brain and also enhances our ability to meditate, pray and study the Bible. Have you wondered why of late you are too tired to read the Bible or pray? Well, you know what to do now. May be pastors need to take this seriously.

Well, you have heard from me today but you surely can learn more from your doctors or health specialists around you. Beloved, it is all about our choices. We can live very healthy lives and enjoy healthy sex in our marriages. Remember that what you eat is also critical when you have a sexual disorder. Go for cereals and grains, fruits and vegetables, legumes, nuts and seeds. It is your duty to keep healthy.

More on this please follow us on our blog @fruitfulmarriages.wordpress.com or on our Facebook page or on twitter@fruitfulmarriages. You can join us next month as we will be having seminars on Sex in Marriage. Maybe you can learn more. Keep loving each other.

l Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsapp +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or [email protected]