Today I want to write to my fellow believers and brethren. I am not trying to be critical, but just to highlight on some issues that we do not necessarily handle well and yet are affecting marriages in the church big time.
KILTON MOYO
There is need for not only awareness but focused education in the church about marriage, particularly at pre-marital level. There is this assumption that because someone is said to be anointed, have a call of God on their lives or have a more visible gift, then they are marriageable or good for marriage.
I think there is some deception taking place there and this is what I want to highlight and help people with. I have seen a number of well-meaning people of God get hurt in this area.
I also see a number of couples serving in ministry or at church struggling because they married the person out of anointing or gift. Like I said, there is a misconception that those gifted in ministry or said to be anointed are just ripe for marriage.
You will discover that once a brother or sister is said to be having a call of God on their lives, almost everyone is looking for an opportunity to date or marry them.
Once someone expresses their gift well and the Man of God begins to tell them how much God will use them, they become the target for marriage. Almost everyone believes they are ready for marriage just because somebody said they were anointed.
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Some congregations will go to an extent of pushing these, ‘anointed ones’ to get married for the sake of ministry. Believe you me, many couples in ministry in various church groups are victims of these arrangements and unwise relationships.
It’s so easy for the enemy to use such ill-informed relationships to discredit marriage and the name of the Lord. I am going to suggest at least three critical things here and hope someone will learn.
You do not get married to an anointing Marriage is not about anointing or your gift. You do not have to be anointed to get married. You do not get married to an anointing. You marry a person because you love them and not because they are anointed or gifted.
A number of marriages in ministry are founded on a falsehood. They married because the person had a call of God on their lives and the Bishop confirmed that call. A call does not make one a good husband or wife.
There are many called and anointed ones who are abusive and reckless and doing all sorts of strange things in marriage. You can save yourself from the pain and the shame of living in pretense in marriage by just understanding such little things.
Get to know the character behind the anointing When you think you are in love with the person, I would advise you to take time and know the character behind that gift or anointing.
I have observed that many of us, once we are told of the call of God on our lives and said to be anointed we begin to fake things. We begin to live in falsehood and pretend to be what we are not.
Many people begin to fall in love with our fake characters and once in marriage the reality comes up. You see marriage is a place of reality and character more than anything else. There are many guys in ministry who are shocked at what they are married too. I think people need to learn patience and learn to separate the character of the person and the anointing. In actual fact we need to stop pretending and be real if we are not going to be used by the enemy.
I might sound critical of the church or people, but my brothers and sisters these things pain a lot of us. It depends on what kind of a people we really want to be. Take time to know the person and not the anointing. Love the person and not their gift or anointing.
Do not marry for ministry I said it before and let me say it again. Many people in ministry are married for ministry and not because they wanted to marry. If you do this you are hurting yourself and others. Marry because you want to marry and not because you want to be pushed into ministry.
It is immaturity to do so. One would have thought the church would exercise much wisdom, understanding and knowledge in these issues. Do not marry a gift. Marry a wife or husband.
My most beloved, we have a duty all of us to make marriage beautiful and successful. We have a duty to make marriage what it should be, so it accomplishes its spiritual mandate. We need, therefore, to be wiser and have those in ministry leading by example. Marriage requires maturity more than anointing.
Infact, put your anointing aside and get married with understanding. My prayer is that as church we will teach soundly on these things and help people. This will help us minimise friction in marriages in ministry.
Well for more on this why not join us at Fruitful Marriages on the 23rd of April in Harare where we are having a seminar for those preparing to get married. Call us or WhatsApp us for more details. Otherwise you can follow us on Facebook, on our blog @ fruitfulmarriages.wordpress.com or on twitter @fmarriages.
●Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsap on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or [email protected]
