There are many opinions on this subject and every one of us has a right to their own opinions, though I believe in the opinions of the word of God concerning human issues. I am going to give you a few things that I believe make a marriage healthy.
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I know that all of us desire healthy marriages, where we can really be fruitful and enjoy life together. A very healthy marriage is possible and you are the one who can make it possible.
God is involved and is the initiator
If you are a Christian, you cannot run away from this and expect a blissful marriage. We all do agree that God created marriage, and we also believe, therefore, that He should be involved in our choices. I think a marriage is healthy when God is in its beginning, centre and end. It is healthy when He is the third part, and is the only God.
Many of us desire to involve God in our marriages, but we are busy engaging other gods and subjecting our marriages to so many spirits that have nothing to do with God, the God of Heaven who created marriage. I hear that these days some people have what they call spiritual husbands.
This is ridiculous and unbiblical, and I wonder what these husbands do. I can assure you many who believe such a lie are in trouble in their marriages. Right from the beginning, if you want a healthy marriage, agree on which God you believe in, and surrender your marriage there. All I am saying is that if Jesus is part of your marriage, it is a healthy marriage.
This does not mean you will not have challenges, you shall. Even healthy bodies get sick at times. When you have a healthy marriage, you are able to face up to challenges without destroying each other.
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Clear priorities
Clear priorities are a result of good sound commitment to each other. It starts with the obedience to the godly instruction to leave your father and mother’s house, and be joined with your wife. Many ignore this to their own peril. Marriage does not require divided attention.
It requires the two of you paying serious attention to each other. A marriage is healthy when the couple is attentive and alive to each other, and more so when the husband can prioritise his wife above everything else.
Failing to leave things and prioritise her above all, gives you a false start and many have fallen by the wayside.
Oneness, needed for a healthy marriage, is achieved with very little interference from our own people. I have seen relatives who just cannot let you join up and become one with your spouse. They are there every step, and want to call the shots.
Maybe you need to clear up your priorities. Jesus had to leave His Father, and come to earth to join up with his Bride, the Church. This is the beginning of a healthy marriage for you.
Open and transparent
Healthy marriages have this ability to be open with each other. They hide nothing from each other. They allow each couple to see through their hearts, minds, emotions and feelings. They know how to express their feelings and how to communicate their likes and dislikes. They do not communicate through fun moods and tantrums. The first couple was so transparent that the Bible says they were naked to each other. Healthy marriages keep no secrets.
In fact, they share everything. They share their fears, worries, failures and successes. When you do this, you are building unity in your marriage. I know that you know that these days many of us are struggling in this area. We live as if we are enemies in marriage. We hide everything including ourselves. We hide intimacy and hide love and steal from each other everything that makes marriage what it should be. This is the unfortunate part of things.
Forgiving each other
You cannot build any human relationship if you cannot forgive. Forgiveness is the principle of life in the kingdom of God and in marriage. Healthy marriages possess, this ability. They forgive each other fully aware that to make mistakes is human.
They do this knowing fully well that all of them are frail, and vulnerable and need forgiveness. It is a healthy way of doing things to learn to forgive the one you love without punishing or inflicting pain. Love bears all things.
Love forgives. If couples would learn this godly principle, love would conquer the world. They would forgive each other for everything including adultery in marriage.
If you look at many reasons for divorce and separations in many marriages, you will note that it is simple because someone does not want to forgive or own up. In healthy marriages, people own up to their mistakes. They do not justify things or wrongs. When they are wrong they are wrong, and would ask for forgiveness and get it.
There is so much I can share on this topic because it is important. I, however, believe that these few points can keep you thinking and planning, and becoming that which you should become to build a healthy marriage.
You can call us or WhatsApp us or email us should you need our help. You can also follow us of Facebook or on our blog @fruitfulmarriages.wordpress.com. If you are in Harare and you are preparing to get married or you desire to marry soon, make a date with us end of April. We are coming there. We will give you the dates next week.
●Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsap on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or [email protected]
