As you plan for the New Year I would like to encourage you to seriously pay attention to the number one reason for divorce and plan to avoid it. There are many reasons for divorce. They vary from one context to another and from one couple to another.
I watched a shocking DVD this last Sunday of an American woman seeking divorce on the grounds that her husband is “too nice and cooks too well” which has made her gain weight. Talk of madness in the world. You see, people divorce for many reasons and I would like to differ a bit today and say that all the “reasons” given are just symptoms of the real reason, which a lot of couples ignore to their own peril. All the other things are a result of this one thing that we seem oblivious of. The number one reason for divorce be it among the rich, poor and celebrated, is lack of intentional investment in marriage.
Many couples, about 99% of those who have divorced or are divorcing, did not intentionally invest in their relationships. Many of those who think they are stable for now do not intentionally invest in their marriages. Most of our marriages, particularly in this part of the world, are on auto pilot. It’s all about fate. We do not see any value in putting our resources into our relationships in marriage. We think that everything is okay as long as there is food and sex in the house only to be shocked when the unexpected happens. Many of us will put so much time into other relationships except our spousal relationship. We will even have money to lunch and drink with friends, but have no money to lunch and drink with our spouses or families. We will have time just to chill out with friends and laugh at nothing and never have time to chill out with our spouses and laugh at ourselves.
Don’t you think this is deception? If you do not pay quality attention to your marriage relationship, it will soon get sick. Attend to it, weed it, and keep it fresh. There has got to be a mindset shift if this generation will enjoy the beauty and depth of marriage. Marriage is not just an ordinary relationship. It is not just about sex and bearing children. It is a deeper, intimate, soulish relationship that requires much attention. You have to work it out as much as you work out for your salvation. We rob ourselves of all the beauty God intended for us through marriage. We cheat ourselves and poison our own joy and then cry foul.
I am on record as saying that marriage does not fail, people fail. We fail because we refuse to put into our marriage that which we want to enjoy. Marriage is like a beautiful empty container. You fill it in with what you want to eat of it. Many of us have put into our beautiful sanctified containers, depression, anger, sickness, brokenness, bitterness and many other devilish things only to cry and run away looking for new partners. This is the highest level of irresponsibility. We all have a duty to work our marriages out to the best we can so we can give God glory through our relationships.
What am I suggesting to you this year? Right from the beginning, plan to invest your resources such as time, money, love, and patience into your marriage. Plan to take time to learn more new things about marriage. Plan to invest into your marriage. This is the best investment, beloved. Why don’t you attend seminars on marriage this year, you and your spouse? Why not buy books to read together as a couple? Why not even plan to read this column together as a couple and discuss issues? Why not plan a Valentine’s Day out, be it lunch at that simple restaurant and eat sadza for $2 or breakfast together somewhere?
Why not plan to go out this Easter? Why not plan to go out this December? Plan and plan and invest into your marriage. There is so much you can do, beloved. Pray together, play together, read the Bible together and seek counselling together. Do things together and see yourselves grow into each other and become team. It’s all about planning to love each other and not blaming each other. Plan to learn to be lovers. Invest and put effort into it. Beloved, when shall you enjoy your marriage if not now? Remember there is no marriage in Heaven or even in Hell. Fill your life with joy and with heaven here on earth. Do not rob yourself.
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At Fruitful Marriages, we want to walk with you and help each other in this area until we have all come to a place of unity and joy as couples. We plan to have seminars for you every weekend. We plan to come to your city or town every weekend through your invitations. We want to inspire you towards building up your marriage and enjoying it. Divorce can be defeated.
Isaiah 1:19-20 “If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land; but if you refuse and rebel, you shall be devoured by the sword”.
l Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counselor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsap on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103. [email protected]
