MARRIAGE is a sacred institution underpinned by sexual intimacy. The general belief is that, sex caps love between couples. However, sex can bring with it infections and unwanted pregnancies and this often compels couples to use protection.
BY CLIFF CHIDUKU
A National Aids Council (NAC) official recently disclosed that most new HIV infections are stemming from married couples, describing the trend as worrisome.
NAC chief executive officer Tapuwa Magure was quoted saying most new HIV infections were being recorded in long-term relationships.
“Findings have revealed that steady relationships, those married and those who have normal sex contribute above 50% of new HIV infections,” he said.
About 17% of Zimbabwean adults, more than 1,4 million, live with HIV, according to UN Aids figures, making the southern African nation one of five African countries where around 20% of adults have HIV or Aids.
Women’s rights activist Marjory Museta said as long as bedroom activities are dominated by men, then condom use in marriages will remain low.
“As long as sex negotiations remain dominated by men, rendering women powerless, the condom, especially the female one, will remain largely abandoned in marriages,” she said.
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“There is need for couples to see each other to be at par. The moment the men view themselves as superior, then there is no way he would accept his wife’s suggestions with regard to sex.”
She said married women are being caught between a rock and a hard surface in the negotiation for safe sex, in a largely patriarchal society where men hold sway in negotiating for sex.
“Once he pays lobola (bride price), most men believe they now own their spouse. So negotiating for condoms might be a problem. It is practically difficult for some women, especially in conservative family setups, to persuade their husbands to use condoms,” she said.
NAC communications officer, Tadiwa Nyatanga-Pfupa, concurred. She said it all boils down to the socialisation of women.
“Long-term relationships, particularly marriages, are key drivers of HIV. This is because culturally and in some churches, women have been socialised to take orders from men, where they can’t negotiate or insist on condom use,” she said.
“Sex workers are better able to insist on safe sex than married people. Men also believe the wives they married are faithful which, in some cases, is not true. So when they get home they do not think of condom use.”
However, a few said they have successfully negotiated for safe sex, if and when they feel that they are at risk.
“For the early part of our marriage we used condoms because I didn’t want to mess with my hormones, but my husband hated them, so I agreed to give depo a try. Unfortunately, it killed my sex drive. I gained weight and felt depressed, so I suggested that we return to using condoms and he agreed,” said Rebecca Jacobs.
Although the government has made condoms available, many still shun them due to certain misconceptions.
Sheilla, a nurse with a non-governmental organisation in Harare, said: “I used condoms when we were dating, but now that we are married I don’t think I can use them anymore except in emergencies. It reduces satisfaction. I trust my husband.”
Some women said they would not be able to ask their partners to use condoms because of fear.
“That’s a non-starter. I will get marching orders if I do that. We have not been using them and it will be difficult to suggest them now. I will be asked why all of a sudden I want to use them. Besides, I trust him,” said a vendor at Mupedzanhamo Flea Market, who requested anonymity.
With condoms being thrown away without having been used and some expiring on shelves, their low use cannot be attributed to non-availability.
The association of condoms with infidelity is emerging as an impediment to condom use in marriage, according to research by Lucy Farrar of the School of Philosophical and International Studies, Monash University.
“The association of condoms with ‘loose’ women acts as further barrier to condom use in marriage. There is a common perception that women who request condoms are ‘ready for sex’: if a girl carries a condom she is ‘seen as a slut’. Most men use condoms for ‘hit and run’ episodes, rather than for use with their wives,” reads the research report in part.
Education was found to be a key determinant of condom use in all four cities. This suggests that educational level increases response to condom promotion and highlights the need for special efforts to reach men and women with low educational attainment.
A social commenter, Tawanda Zinyama, said researchers have proved that those who are financially independent and educated stand a better chance of negotiating for safe sex. “Well-to-do women can negotiate for safe sex, unlike their peers from poor set ups. This is the reason why you find that condom uptake in town is generally higher than in rural areas,” Zinyama said.
Zinyama’s notion is buttressed by statistics on condom distribution released by NAC for the third quarter (July, August and September) of 2015. The statistics shows that 1 788 992 male and 145 125 female condoms were distributed in Masvingo, followed by Harare which had 1 074 733 (male) and 97 564 (female). Matabeleland South had the lowest with 851 433 male and 38 927 female condoms distributed.
This problem, however, seems to be a worldwide phenomenon which cuts across the social divide.
