I hope this letter finds Phillip Chiyangwa well. I would like to open my heart in complete honesty hoping that by the time the king of selfies, as Chiyangwa is also know by his followers,finishes reading my letter, he would sit down and give a second thought to his decision to contest for the Zifa presidency.
CONCERNED FOOTBALL FAN
Please do not misconstrue this letter as an attack on your person, but rather treat it as advice that will save you embarrassment from your impending loss in the December 5 elections.
I will bet my last cent that you will not win the mandate to ‘mislead’ Zimbabwe football. This is because of all the contesting candidates, you are the worst.
I am confident that Zimbabweans, as learned as they are, will not be fooled to elect a clown to lead their football.
Yes, a jester you are sir, for there is no better adjective to describe you following your childish selfies on YouTube.
I did not intend to write to you sir, but after discovering that you have developed a knack for insulting and attacking whoever challenges your suitability for contesting the elections, I decided to speak on behalf of the millions of Zimbabweans.
What irritates me more is that, you think having more money than everyone else gives you the passport to be a law unto yourself. No, Mr Chiyangwa.
You think having money gives you the right to decide which questions to answer during interviews.
It’s a pity that a serious contender for the highest post in Zimbabwe football does not know what the acronyms Cosafa, Fifa or Caf mean.
It is for this simple reason that Zimbabweans will not let themselves be used to further your political aspirations through football, because they are not objects of trade neither are they robots without souls.
I will not dwell much on your much-publicised selfies, which border on a primitive show of egomania.
It is disgusting, to say the least, how a man of your age can parade himself in such humiliating fashion.
I wonder how your children feel about that, but I am sure it embrasses them.
I am optimistic that the councillors are just enjoying your money and benevolence, if your are buying votes, while tightening their boots kuzorovera bhora musango kwete kuna Phidza (shoot wide, not at goal).
While I am not trying to do a public relations stunt for Trevor Carelse Juul, I believe he is better than you, because he has a proven track record in football administration.
It was during Juul’s tenure that Zimbabwe enjoyed its best football, with the trailblazing Dream Team, only missing by a whisker qualifying for the World Cup.
Of course, this was after he had convinced the legend Bruce Grobelaar to play for his mother country.
Just this small piece of history, when compared to your cooked and panel beaten curriculum vitae, puts Juul in a steady position to triumph against you.
It is clear that you have no credible history in football administration and the teams you claim to have administered were minority boozer clubs masquerading as professional teams.
That you have associated yourself with a shadowy group purporting to represent supporters by the name Zimbabwe National Soccer Supporters’ Association has not helped your case.
It is not a secret that this is a group of power hungry men, who have embraced your generosity by agreeing to bootlick you.
I may go on and on Mr Selfies, but this is simply to remind you that, yes, you may fool some Zimbabweans and a small bunch of councillors, but you will never fool all of us.
Whoever told you that money can buy you everything must be feeling pity for you.
I say so because the belief that you are the richest person in Zimbabwe has gotten to your head, such that you are embarrassing yourself unwittingly.
You have become so petty and kindergarten that one may not be blamed for doubting your sanity.
Please Phidza, spare us the jokes and selfies by steering clear of our football, for with you in the game it will be stripped of its name, the world’s most beautiful game.