BY JOHN MOKWETSI ONLINE EDITOR
Perhaps nothing can beat the loose lips of the former US president George W Bush, who was always a victim of memes, and was a popular social media jokes whenever he as much as opened his mouth.
Nobody can forget his famous: “Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.”
But if the Americans felt embarrassed for their president, they can find solace in the fact that across oceans and in a nation called Zimbabwe, politicians are taking turns to showcase the most inane of behaviours.
1. After President Robert Mugabe presented a State of the Nation (SONA), his second in seven years a fortnight ago, the nation collectively yawned and went on about their vending and daily grind to feed their families.
It was agreed by netizens that the address was as devoid of depth as it was a panacea to their struggles. The nation moved on. But on Tuesday the President with the help of his handlers, felt the nation needed to have a dose of the same medicine.
The 91-year-old strongman stunned Zimbabwe when he read a wrong speech during the official opening of the Third Session of the Eighth Parliament.
Mugabe, instead of reading a speech about parliament’s forthcoming agenda, repeated the same speech he delivered during the State of the Nation Address. And the president himself seemed not aware of it! Sigh
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But in July 2013 he went a step further by threatening to behead homosexuals in the country. For some it recapped scenes of genocide brutality we saw in Rwanda.
3. The wise once said one should not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. President Robert Mugabe at 91 might be counting his blessings but sometimes old age lets us down. Take this shocking event in the political life of the liberation struggle stalwart.https://youtu.be/KRbwFf7v-Xo?list=UUIJYcA9np0Gfrmzb8nmxC8Q
Last December when the country was readying itself for what is left of the Christmas holiday, the president delivered an early present that might have been addressed “to all opposition parties and the long suffering people of Zimbabwe.” Mugabe shocked more than 12 000 delegates at the Zanu PF 6th national people’s congress by unwittingly denigrating his own party through a slogan “Pasi neZanu PF”.
4. Former Prime Minister, Morgan Tsvangirai has had his fair share of comic moments. Perhaps his most shocking was during his stint in government when he visited German Chancellor Angela Merkel.Tsvangirai had a famous handshake. If the nimble-footed Argentinian footballer Diego Maradona had the “Hand of God” then the former PM had the Handshake of Steel.
In a video that went viral on YouTube Tsvangirai appeared to be holding on too hard to Merkel’s hand and as if in a trance kept at it longer that diplomatic etiquette allowed. As if that had not unsettled the leader of the most powerful economy in Europe, Tsvangirai made fun of protocol by standing on the dais with the German flag, instead of Zimbabwe’s.
The horror show began when Tsvangirai bowed to the German army at a parade.
5. In 2012, just a year before the Presidential elections in which a lot was expected of him, the then PM, Morgan Tsvangirai was busy being labelled all sorts of names by women in the country.The women had not been offended by anything other than that the premier, to whom much was expected, was forced to cancel a high-profile wedding because he was customarily married to another woman.
6. The benevolence of the First Lady, Grace Mugabe is never in question especially if you know where your bread is buttered. The fashionista has been wearing shiny shoes, courtesy of all those who bootlick to be on the right side of the political fence.
So, the setting was Zvimba. First Lady Grace Mugabe, while half-smiling and half-ranting, disclosed that second-hand clothes confiscated from vendors by municipal police, State security agents and Zimbabwe Revenue Authority (Zimra) at the country’s border posts and in major city centres had been handed over for distribution to Zanu PF supporters.
She distributed 150 bales of second-hand clothing confiscated from vendors, mainly in Harare, to Zanu PF groups and told them that they must wash them first before use.
Exhibiting her philanthropic nature she said: “I have brought many things for you among them are 150 bales of second-hand clothes . . .you are going to wear them and we are giving out without looking at whether you can fit in or not.” The crowd ululated.
7. Throwing around his big stomach, a sign of opulence in this country, the owner of Choppies and Vice President of Zimbabwe Phelekezela Mphoko sighed before he spoke.
Mphoko imparted some wisdom by telling poverty stricken people of Bulawayo that he least expected able-bodied men to go into vending, describing the practice as due to laziness. The backlash that came did not stop the VP from underpaying his employees at the chain retail shops he owns.
8. At the height of fuel problems in the country the Zimbabwe government announced that in Chinhoyi they had found a mountain that drips with diesel.Former Zanu PF secretary for administration Didymus Mutasa and other cabinet ministers, led by Grade 3 dropout and spirit medium Rotina Mavhunga visited the mountains for a eureka moment that was to change the economy of the country.
It all turned out to be a hoax, but Mutasa in his defence in an interview with The Standard said: “The Chinhoyi diesel hoax was not a personal expedition by me,” he said. “Rather, it was a national exercise mandated by the ruling party’s (highest decision making body) Politburo and I was one of those selected to be on that research team.”
