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Dilemma of single parenthood

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When Theresa Mufara (21) was customarily married to Bernard Chiutsi (26) three years ago, her dream was to have a good marriage and life.

When Theresa Mufara (21) was customarily married to Bernard Chiutsi (26) three years ago, her dream was to have a good marriage and life. BY GIBSON NYIKADZINO

Tragically, however, her husband died in a fatal car crash, leaving her in anguish. Her child, a two-year-old boy, has been pestering her regarding the whereabouts of his father.

“It is difficult when a child tries to understand what made him fatherless at such a tender age. I will try to tell him what happened when he comes of age,” says Mufara, who resides in Budiriro 2, Harare.

“I will consider marrying again in the future, but for now life has been difficult because I have been called bad names even at church.”

Motherhood is tough, especially when one has no partner to lean on in times of grief. Giving children the attention they deserve, as a fundamental right, is now the most daunting task that women are facing especially in a world that is financially demanding.

To keep their hopes alive, single mothers or fathers have been taunted for luring young men or girls, respectively, whom they marry because they want help in raising their children.

The scale, however seems to be tilting on single mothers.

With the conservative African culture believed to be changing and reshaping itself dramatically, young men are being comfortable engaging, “asking out” and living-in with older women, or young single mothers.

The opposite has been said to be true for young women as they are finding men who have been married as alternatives. This, they both claim, is because these experienced partners have no time for making mistakes and exposing their weaknesses.

A 39-year-old Hatfield woman, Delilah, a widow of 16 years, expressed disappointment in what society has prescribed as good.

“As a woman I feel cheated by the community. If I get a young man who wants to settle with me and live with me for the rest of his life, is that wrong? At times men are narrow-minded when it comes to such issues. It is all about love,” she said.

Themba Mhlanga (40) from Mabvuku, Harare, suggested society should not be quick to dismiss issues simply based on rhetoric that “it is impossible”.

“I lost my first wife in a car accident in 2004 and our first child was three years old. I had no option but to have the child stay with my in-laws, sometimes with my parents,” he said.

He said he later married another woman who had since created a strong bond with his daughter.

Young men who never married contemplate marrying single mothers too. They claim that young women of today are not reading the economic wind factor. They hint to the fact that young women just talk of spending money, while ignoring issues of life.

“If I get a single mother who tells me her story, without condition I will love her. If she goes to work, that is good too because we will build our life knowing what we have,” said 28-year-old Farai Chabata, a foreign currency dealer.

“Some of the girls are just demanding, they only think of spending money on irrelevant things.

“All I need to do is know the child well before anything else and then work with the mother to make sure we are on the same page with parenting and discipline before doing anything that would disrupt the relationship with any of them.

Renowned talk show host Phil McGraw has given input on the issue of dating or marrying single mothers.

“You never discipline someone else’s kid,” he said.

Being a single parent is a mixed bag as some men or women want to take advantage of the other party involved.

However, things take a different twist. When one loves a single parent, there is need to sort issues concerning the child. For conventional Zimbabwean society, it might be wise to involve family, elders and trusted friends.