Triumphant Chinotimba eyes ‘Lands ministry’

TWO words can only describe some of Zimbabwe’s new lawmakers — hilarious and shocking.


Amazing how history shapes events. Only in 2000, a virtually unknown Joseph Chinotimba made international headlines when he championed the chaotic land invasions – undoubtedly the most caricatured character in Zimbabwe when it comes to issues both comic and depicting educational deficiencies.

But fast-forward to 2013, the same Chinoz, as Chinotimba is most commonly referred to, must now be officially addressed as Honourable Joseph Chinotimba, Member of the House of Assembly for Buhera South!

His immediate intent is to take indigenous languages to Parliament to enable him to debate freely. His ambition, however, is to land a Cabinet post as Lands minister “to finish his business of taking land”. He is, however, overly secretive about his family and personal life.

Chinotimba, the MP-elect for Buhera South in Manicaland, can’t wait to make his maiden appearance in the House of Assembly and is enthusiastic about his recent election after several misses in the past elections.

A lot is expected from Chinotimba, but not on the serious side though, given his comic character which has made him the butt of jokes, mocking his broken English.

In an interview with NewsDay on Wednesday, Chinotimba proved to be quite a canny character in his own way. Despite his evident lack of education, he is one man who tries every trick in the book to convince anyone of his ideas no matter how crude.

Asked which ministry he would wish to have in the coming Cabinet, the self-confessed commander-in-chief of farm invasions said: “I don’t care about any ministerial post. It’s up to (President Robert) Mugabe and not me. I don’t need to answer that question. What I want are the people. I said I wanted to be Education minister because I had seen that (Education minister David) Coltart was not up to the task and I wish to be there. You know it’s impossible to get a ministerial post, but you are asking me about that.

“If they want, they can give me the Ministry of Lands so that I finish off what I had started (taking over land). What are you waiting for? You don’t even have a farm and the MDC people are angry with (Morgan) Tsvangirai because they don’t have farms.”

The former security guard with Harare City Council said those claiming that elections were rigged were “sick in the head”.

“Now they want to go to court. They lost, but now they say the X they put on Tsvangirai went to Mugabe, ask the X why it went to Mugabe when they put it on Tsvangirai,” Chinotimba said.

“They say Chinoz stole the election, that’s nonsense, bhora rakapinda mugedhi (referring to Zanu PF 2013 campaign slogan). We are like fish and the people are like water so we stay with the people. I did not go to Buhera for camping, I stay there and only come here (Harare) to see people like you.”

Quizzed on what plans he had for the people of his constituency, the militant Chinotimba said: “I don’t want to lie to them, so let them come with what they want.

I did not promise them anything. I gave them what they wanted in schools and clinics. Don’t ask me that here, just go to Buhera and see for yourself what I did for the people.”

Given challenges in conversing in English, Chinotimba said that won’t be a problem when he goes to Parliament given that he was good in Shona.

“I can use Shona, Ndebele or any indigenous language. Why English only? I don’t work for (Tony) Blair (former British Prime Minister). Ask me what I should do if I can’t speak Shangani? We don’t need English in Parliament,” he said.

On his personal life, Chinotimba said he would keep it a private until he dies hinting that he had several wives and children.

“I won’t tell you about my personal life, it’s my secret and you will only hear about that when I die. All my wives and children will be there.”

Chinotimba said no white man would be removed from the farms, but they should work with others.

“He (white man) will only have to work with others. It doesn’t help for one to occupy huge tracts of land and refuse to share with others. No white man will be removed from the farms, but if he refuses to share, the people will take the land,” he said.

Asked on his plans for journalists if he goes to Parliament, Chinotimba chose to dodge the question saying: “Which organisation do you work for? Do you agree that Chinotimba won the elections? Do you agree that Mugabe won the elections?

“I sent more than 600 Zanu PF T-shirts to the UK where I know they don’t like me, but people will be putting them on. I will be there in the UK through my T-shirts.

“It doesn’t matter whether I went to school or not, I learnt how to hold a gun without going to school. What does being an MP or a minister have to do with going to school? I don’t care which committee I will be in.”

Chinotimba pledged to work with councillors in his constituency.

“I will work with MDC-T councillors in my ward, they are two of them and I will work with them otherwise people will say I am a stupid leader. I will use the money to develop even their wards,” he said.

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  1. Ali Yusuf Barat

    Surely if Mr Chinotimba can speak so sensibly……there is no reason why people should doubt his capability to stand for his constituency in parliament.Wish u the best comrade.


    2. You can’t be serious???????????????????

  2. chinoz ma1

  3. In tsvangirai’s backyard !

  4. they rejectd Tsvangirai in buhera n opted 4 chinoz n by nt a small margin

  5. Chinoz as education minister lol. It would be Mugabe’s biggest blunder.

  6. The writer ridicules this man yet he speaks with such clarity and wisdom, he is proud of who he is, proud of his language, loves his people and respects leadership. Honourable Chinotimba’s comments reflect wisdom, a simplicity and practicality that reflects what the common man hopes for the future, why do you ridicule him? He is certainly more articulate than the now unemployed Tsvangirai who mocks old ladies and villagers as he addresses them hand in pocket (a sign of pride and disrespect); however, if I was given the power I would not make Honourable Chinotimba a minister of anything for reasons that have nothing to do with his ‘broken English’ (the French and Germans’ English is also broken but we never diss them for that), it is because he is such a down to earth man of the people therefore he would be most effective as a member of Parliament working with the people and with Ministers to create and manage policies and programmes. It would be such a waste to have him in a suit sitting behind a desk. By the way, ‘chaotic land invasions’ took place when the settlers removed our ancestors from their land, what Honourable Chinotimba championed was land reclamation.

    1. The so called land reclamation was chaotic scott. How come we not the breadbasket of Africa anymore? To say it was not chaotic is down right ignorant.

      That is the problem that is zanu supporters and leaders alike, hapasisina self-thought, a self conscience to think before they act, i,e. to think of the consequences before taking actions.

      While education is not wholly important when t comes to leadership it a very important tool in coming up with solutions to a challenge. e.g. a certain 89year old man once declared that Zim economics did not need textbook economics to run it what he failed to realise was that textbooks do not dictate economics rather they are a result of economics where the authors merely report on the happenings in the economics of supply and demand hence the zim dollar disapperared and economy shrunk by 45% and unemployed shot to 85% and runaway inflation etc.

      What Chinoz is doing is what they have seen from the other ministers where they do not take resposibility for their failures hence he defends his land grabs/reclamation. How many times have we heard the excuse of ”sanctions” for EVERYTHING that is wrong with Zimbabwe yet they were jus sitting there and doing nothing about it!!

      Zim is now exposed to opportunists like machainiz whom we not benefitting much from their presence here and understandably so because they have 1.5billion people to support!! Why arent we asking more from the resources they plandering? Eventually they sell these materials to the Americans whom we are sworn enemy to….the irony.

      1. So true..

        1. How can you claim that you are benefiting nothing from the Chinese when they are the factory of the world, they make everything including that cheap shirt you are wearing right now. Unlike the British who have entered the political game here, when have you ever heard the Chinese Communist Party coming out to pledge support for any political party in Zimbabwe? Which NGO is funded by the Chinese? What newspaper or pirate radio station is funded by the Chinese? Leave them alone, let them do business while you are asleep waiting for Mogeni to give you one of the 1 mita jobs from his rich buddies.

  7. I like this man for his down to earth and straight shooting demeanour far much more than I like pretentious professors and doctors.


    Gore rino

  9. If Chinotimba was the President, Zimbabwe would have bn far better frm wat it is now.

  10. All of you are just as brainless as yo father chinoz. What was well said? This clueless man had virtually nothing to say, he even mentioned that he won’t do anything for his people because he never promised them anything during the campaigns. & these idiots are saying well said?? Stupid morons

    1. Chinoz said ‘ I did not promise them anything. I gave them what they wanted in schools and clinics. Don’t ask me that here, just go to Buhera and see for yourself what I did for the people.` ndiwe uri stupeti u cant even read. Chinoz wacho is beta than u.

      1. @sandie plz try & avail yourself becoz hiding yoslf wil bring more harm than good. Escaping from a mental institution wil only worsen yo situation. Now u a evn insulting the very pple trying to help you. Go back yo home you undernourished-moron, you are jus nothing but a confused cockroach.

      2. Well, I am from Buhera (muzokomba) , as far I know chinos did jack in that constituency. Kangayi the big thief did jack as well , no clinic or school was built post independence , the road that connects murambinda to Birch bridge is in a very poor state , to have chinos as our mp in the era of the likes of chamisa is such a disgrace . People of buhera did not vote for that man , there was a secret ballot at matsakanure and pane vanhu vakanovhota zvisina kunzwisisika .

  11. ras dread reckless

    chinoz dont go to camp in his constituency lyk those mdc pple did. ths country wld hve been better if english was not used lyk we are in england. tsvangirai is not educated bt he wanted to be the president. chinoz ngatirime vanhu. farm pple!

  12. If you look at the calibre of rural councillors then you understand the calibre of Chinoz as a rural mp. He speaks their language and lives with them, just like fish and water. The rural ppe want someone who is always with them and not one who only comes towards elections who is urban based. Look at likes of Mangwana, Parirenyatwa and Olivia Muchena who are urban based but were representing rural constituencies. They will not be in the new parliament coz they articulate the needs of the ppe they were representing. Its like putting a square peg into a round hole. Zimbabwe was won coz of the rural folk against the wish of the urban folk who were comfortable with the whites

  13. Umhawu Mzala. Chinos will soon be the minister of lands and encourage people to plant baked baked.

  14. this one is directed to people of mat

    guys have you ever asked yourself what happened to 5 brigade.did the killers dissappear into thin air?
    these people are still around and some of them are commenting here.gukurahundi is still active and the guys who run it are still around.
    i am puzzled by our own people who would vote for 5 brigade to sit on their wounds.

    can you imagine a whole family locked into a small hut and burnt alive.the screams of the little girls tearing your ears as you are forced to sing zanupf songs and clap.
    and a few years after that some people decide to vote them into absolute power
    bantu besintwini lingiyangisile kulomnyaka..

    to be continued…..

  15. Bona, mfowethu ngkhala ngelizwe elibhuqabhuqwa sengathi lirogwe elingelamniniyo. Kkkkk

  16. When you look at the calibre of our very educated professor MPs you are tempted to say I can vote for Chinoz. I will give him a chance!!!!
    As he said go and see what I have done in Buhera. I will go and see what he has done after 5 years. I am expecting to be amazed!!

  17. A fool followed the foolish,You deserve whats comming

  18. When asked about rigging he tells the “…ask the X why it went to Mugabe when
    they put it on Tsvangirai,” and u still say he has things to say, rubbish, absolute hogwash. At least i can finally get my kids to read the Hansard for the entertainment value. How such a nitwit made it into parliament boggles the mind, utswangirai baymzonda sibili abantu bakwakhe

    1. kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk ayah!!!!!!!!!!

    2. If you see what Chinoz is saying not making sense then the accusations by Biti and the like does not make sense as well. Biti and his company claim that a special ballot paper that mutates was used. They say that an X in water mark was placed on Zanu pf and if you marked the paper with ink anywhere the ink would go to the water mark and make it visible that’s why Chinoz is saying,“…ask the X why it went to Mugabe when
      they put it on Tsvangirai,”. The argument does not make sense but that is what the MDC-T is claiming.

    3. You obviously missed the humour, it went past your head, buddy!

  19. big up to man chinoz.this shld b a lesson to all zimbaz dat education is not al dat one need to climb the social, political and even the financial ladder.aluta continua Cde chinoz.

    Failure isnt a reason to give up.Cde failed to nail the honorable title several tymz but he dnt give up.look wer he is now.Aluta Honorable

  20. Tendai Chaminuka

    @3poop you live in a different world of your own.One which believes in bloodshed.If today’s America was to rely on its Slave Trade Days,it would have denegrated into war torn Somalia and thats what you want Zimbabwe to be.Shame on you


    My African brothers and sisters ridicules you whenever you write or speak broken english but another way round whenever you are talking to a pure english person. Some blacks have this misconception that to be highly educated is to speak fluent english.

  22. Ha ha ha ha Zimbabwe ma1 ah ah ah lmaoooo, manje na bob zvowirirana pachii sezvo aiwanzira tsvangirai nenyaya yevakadzi. Muzenda akataura zvikanzi nyangwe zanu ikaisa gudo as a presidential candidate munofanira kuri vhotera. Sezvinei chinoz munhu arikutsvagawo mari angaite sei?

    land reform haisati yapera nanhasi?

    1. Since you are so smart, much smarter than Chinotimba and President Mugabe; what have you done for your community? Just 2 things please, not what anyone has not done or what should have been done by anyone; what have you done for your people in your community?

  23. Chinotimba works hard for his home area, that’s why they voted for him. He is not dumb as many would want to believe. He deserved to be voted into power. Makorokoto comrade Chinos

  24. sensible really.but he just talks too much

    1. Watikiritai Tulaby A Sudani

      And this is MP material? only in banana republics like Zimbabwe. A ru-tag streetkid for a legislator – my foot! This country is not serious, and God has taken note.

      Mukorekore ataura.

      1. Enyu maProfessor akaitei kani imi? Parliament is an uagust house for servants of the country, not a platform to flaunt academic certificates and material acquisitions. If you continue like that munofa musina chinhu muchingoti takadzidza takadzidza pasina zvisvinu zvabudapo!

  25. if bob’s cabinet is made of a few guys like this one, then zim parliament will be turned into a circus chinoz will have a translator

  26. Of all the Doctors & Professors we have as MPs, who among them has the guts to invite people to see what he/she has done for his area. Chinoz delivers he does not promise. (Remember the Hre-Chitown railway line promised some 15yrs ago) Food for thought

  27. I think we need leaders like Chinotimba, humble and practical for our equally humble constituencies. He dared the interviewer to go and see for himself what he had done in Buhera. Gone are the days of voting someone into office because they are highly educated or they have money. We know of some who went around campaigning and throwing keys in the air at rallies saying “I hold the keys to your future”. Some would address rallies with hands in their pockets. Some would diss and ridicule villagers for not having under-garments. These will soon be history. Yet we know of some who went around telling people to raise their standard of living by owning their resources and playing their tunes in their country. Some would go around brokering Community Share Ownership Schemes. See where they are. Lies aside, Zimbabweans can now tell people who can make a difference in thier lives from those who merely sing “I will give you jobs”. The simple villager has these questions: JOBS – How? From where? Why not give them to your jobless party youths? Why not create the jobs now and why wait until you are in office? Chachaya! Nhasi totongwa navaChinoz vataishandisa zita ravo kuita nyambo. Zvakaoma!

  28. pamberi nachinoz

  29. To mi Chinoz represent a clean atmos where things are good and fair yes he can practice fair play really u dont have to be educated to lead. He admitted his shortcomings in some interviews ref news24 latest interview but in a clean environment he is not a dirty politician kikiki lol a lay man very common nothing to declare empty in the pocket nothing to loose kikikikik lol Chinoz Chinoz Chinoz wow

  30. Rev Com Council

    Do not give credit where it is not due. The man “chinos” is simply an irrational, unstable & uneducated fool who has no clue as to what he is saying more so what happens elsewhere in today’s globalized world. With demon-like lunacy, he spearhead the so-called land invasions that led to deaths on farms and destruction of a lot of years in investment on farms. Stupid and characteristic of all his masters and deadwood in Zanu PF! If I were him, I would go back to grade 1.

  31. iwe chinoz chimbodzokera unyore grade seven uri bharanzi iwe

  32. chinoz for minister of education kkkkk

  33. Mwari vanoti the first shall be last and the last shall be first. Nemadhigirii edu tose pano paforamu hapana kana akanhuwidza paramende asi vaChinotimba vatopinda! Mwari ngavarimbidzwe!

  34. This is how it goes.

    Would you fly from Zims to London with a monkey flying the plane????

  35. haaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaaaahahaaaaha! absolutely marvelous……. for BBC!!!

  36. Those people were not elected by the people of their constituencies but they were given the posts by nikuv and cio.We Zimbabweans know what we want .What we wanted is not mentioned in this mock election.You are trying your best to fool the people but know it that falsehood will never defeat the truth.

  37. Hazvirevi kusagona chirungu kunotadzisa budiriro kwete.VaChinotimba munebudiriro,matononoka.

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