It happened to me the other day. I was gaily chatting away to a colleague (albeit one that I don’t see often) not realising that he, in fact, wasn’t the person I thought he was.
Local Drummer with Thembe Khumalo
It was only later when it dawned on me that something wasn’t working in the conversation and I began to fully understand why his responses were somewhat puzzled and less than enthusiastic. I didn’t know where to hide; particularly because the guy is actually nothing like the person I mistook him for. How did this happen? I wondered. And more importantly, how was I going to recover from this dreadful faux pas?
Sometimes it’s a simple case of mistaken identity, but other times it’s a much bigger and more public debacle. A company that makes a substantial error, a role model disgraced, a church leader accused of salacious misdeed, a family sucked into a scandal. It could happen to anyone and at some point there is need for each of us to be involved in a recovery strategy. Where do we begin and in what direction do we go from there?
Our natural instinct (as in the example I cited) is to run away and hide. Leave the building, lie low or pretend it never happened.
Here’s the thing though — in the words of research professor, Dr Brene Brown:
“Shame loves secrecy. The most dangerous thing to do after a shaming experience is to hide or bury our story. When we bury our story, the shame festers and grows.”
Dr Brown should know, as she has spent the past 12 years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. She says: “The way to fight shame and to honour who we are is by owning our story and sharing it with someone who has earned the right to hear it — someone who loves us, not despite our vulnerabilities, but because of them.”
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I believe her. But I also believe it’s easier said than done. Even companies and organisations struggle with this concept. Many times the public relations or corporate communications people are at loggerheads with other members of the management team on crisis recovery, precisely because the professional PR person’s advice runs counterintuitive to individual instincts.
Once I was MCing a high profile event for an organisation that I had hoped for years would notice me. It was a dream assignment and I presented myself on the evening, dressed in my best, with a well-researched and rehearsed script and a venue full of dignitaries. Halfway through the evening I tripped as I came up the stairs and nearly came tumbling down with a charming elderly lady that I was introducing. Like a trooper, I carried on without missing a beat — the best was yet to come. A few minutes later, I drew a blank in the middle of a sentence. The room was completely silent, the audience waiting as I stood in front of the microphone trying to figure out what my next word was supposed to be. I never did figure it out and to this day I shudder when I recall that night. It could have been my last MCing job, but it wasn’t.
The lesson for me was that inappropriate or embarrassing moments don’t define us.
They can usually be redeemed with a healthy dose of courage and the humility to say: “Yes I messed up, but I am willing to try again.” After all, they say a saint is just a sinner who fell down — but got up again.
Some people rely on deflecting with humour to enable their recovery. This is a great strategy, but it only works if you are very skilled with your humour and you can present a very confident persona. Otherwise the problem is simply worsened.
There is nothing worse than someone trying to be funny about something that’s not really funny and looking like he knows it’s not that funny! Another strategy is to strike out in anger. Also known as “attack is the best defence” and tends to be favoured by bullies — both individual and corporate. Sometimes there is just no better strategy than to face the music, apologise and make some attempt and restitution. If your misdemeanor has hurt someone’s feelings, this is probably your best bet at recovery.
Social media has created even more opportunities for us to make fools of ourselves.
There’s something about the veil of anonymity that social media provides that dims our sensors. If something goes wrong and things go viral, this can become more than just the spa of embarrassing incidences. For a company, it can have major repercussions.
There is no quick fix for social media faux pas. But it helps if you act swiftly. Responding to customer complaints professionally and transparently is not always easy, but it’s critical if you are to achieve rapid recovery.
lThembe Khumalo writes in her personal capacity. Readers’ comments can be sent to [email protected].
