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Do you know the difference?

Opinion & Analysis
You are introduced to a member of the opposite sex in a work setting. A few days later the person you were introduced to emails you to reconnect and subsequently issues an invitation to lunch. Are you being asked out on a date or is this a networking opportunity? Do you know the difference?

You are introduced to a member of the opposite sex in a work setting. A few days later the person you were introduced to emails you to reconnect and subsequently issues an invitation to lunch. Are you being asked out on a date or is this a networking opportunity? Do you know the difference?

Opinion by Thembe Khumalo

Networking is loosely defined as a number of activities through which one creates a community of contacts that can be beneficial to one’s career or business. It’s not just about looking for jobs, it’s about securing customers, partners, suppliers, affiliates and many other types of business relationships. Many business opportunities never make it to a public space such as recruitment ads because much business is done through relationships. This makes sense because people would rather engage with those they know and trust, or those who can be endorsed by the people they trust.

The actual networking opportunity can be anything from an event set up specifically for that purpose or any other platform, such as a lunch, a conference of even a sporting event. One of the most common and widely accepted networking platforms is a game of golf. For many decades and all across the world, executives and entrepreneurs have gathered to flog the little white balls in the interest of progressing their business interests.

When you have met someone at a conference or workshop, you then need to stay in touch, either via email or in person. A viable network is one which is current. It’s no good meeting a whole lot of people, collecting their business cards and then waiting until you need something from them before you get in touch. People must remember you and they must be clear about the value that you can add. So you have to find a way of staying within the radar of the people you have initiated contact with. This is why professional clubs and societies are useful. The downside, of course, is that if they are all you depend on, then you will keep meeting the same people over and over again and your network will be confined to the same circles.

Studies on interpersonal relationships confirm that you derive more value by engaging with people outside your known and usual sphere of influence than you do from people outside your social circle. Its beneficial, therefore, to create opportunities to harvest those ties for novel information which does not overlap what you already know.

But how do you know when you get that invitation whether the host is looking for a prospect to do business or searching for romance?

Dating, according to Wikipedia, is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two people with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.

Because the protocols and practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary considerably from one culture and community to the next, it can present a minefield of possible social faux pas, and appropriate responses to what one perceives as a dating overture are often difficult to negotiate.

When I was in my early twenties, I was spotted by a girlfriend having lunch (or was it a milkshake) with a certain bass guitarist who was tall and dark and inevitably a chick magnet for that age-group. The word circulating among my circle of friends was: “In what capacity does Thembe have lunch with X?” As it happened I was at the time a reasonably accomplished pianist with an interest in expanding my musical skills to guitar. He, on the other hand, had a different agenda!

My point with this story though, is not so much the fact that our networking/dating objectives did not collide, but that the interest which our interaction raised was juvenile and unnecessary. While most of us can appreciate that it’s OK to react this way when you are an adolescent, we surely should not expect to question the capacity in which others eat or drink or even play guitar together as consenting and career-building adults!

So the next time you see John and Mary having lunch, please don’t assume they are on a date. You have no idea what either one’s career aspirations are. Similarly, if you see Henry and George enjoying a drink after work, don’t automatically assume it’s a networking occasion – they may, in fact, be on a date!

At the end of the day, only two people know what goes on between two people.

Your only concern is, if you are one of the two people involved, to know for sure which activity you are engaged in!

  • Thembe Khumalo writes in her personal capacity. Readers’ comments can be sent to [email protected]. Follow Thembe on Twitter www.twitter/localdrummer or visit her facebook page www.facebook.com/localdrummerzw