Although I am not an introvert, I am a faithful advocate of solitude. I believe if we spent more time in solitude and introspection we would generate better quality ideas and be better able to solve some of the problems that we spend so much time discussing with other people. While I love people and tend to entertain and socialise enthusiastically, I regularly find myself in moments where I am craving solitude. Being alone for a guaranteed stretch of time with no specific agenda is a treat that I look forward to with great relish.
Opinion by Thembe Khumalo
Last Sunday our congregation heard a sermon on the importance of private prayer. It got me thinking that perhaps when the Bible speaks of a “peace that surpasses understanding” it is referring to a zone that is free of cellphones, iPad, Internet, radio, television as well as other people!
Many of us fear being alone, and consciously and subconsciously look for ways to fill up our time and space with the presence of other people.
The interesting thing is that being by yourself does not equate to loneliness anymore than loneliness has a relation to being physically alone. We have all heard clichés about people being lonely in a crowded room and some of us have probably identified with that.
I read a quote many years ago that has stayed with me and rings true with every passing day: “Loneliness is not a longing for company; it is a longing for kind.” This explains why you can be surrounded by people, even loved ones, and still feel lonely. If you are not with someone who “gets you” then essentially you are alone.
When you are lonely you feel empty, isolated, disconnected and these are the feelings we are trying to avoid when we pack our lives with people. But having the courage to step away and choose to be on your own can deliver some surprisingly positive benefits. Hara Estroff Marano, editor in chief of Psychology Today magazine says: “Solitude is aloneness without loneliness. Solitude can be used for reflection, inner growth or valuable activities such as reading that cannot be done effectively in a group setting. People who experience solitude are, therefore, engaged, not isolated — they are engaged with themselves . . .”
Solitude can deliver great peace. That statement may seem obvious, but it’s not just the peace of not having demands on your attention that is enabled, it’s the peace that comes from silencing the clamour of all the voices that clutter your mind all the time.
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Oddly enough, when you choose to spend time alone, others may resent you for it. They may not understand why you prefer your own company to theirs and they may find your choice hurtful. This usually happens when the people in question haven’t learnt to value solitude the same way you do.
Last year I celebrated my big birthday by giving myself the gift of solitude. I left everyone and everything that was familiar and took my weary self up to the mountains to be by myself on a solitary retreat. My friends, family and colleagues were puzzled but supportive, though one or two friends did wonder aloud whether I really had intentions of being alone! The only phone call I got was from my mother telling me that she had been blessed by my presence on earth. My joy was complete. In several decades of birthdays, I can say with certainty that it was the best celebration of them all.
The power of one is not just about one going against the grain, but also about how solitude can be a source of strength. One of the best things about being a long distance runner is the many hours spent alone with your thoughts. I started running late in life, but I fell in love with the feeling of freedom and aliveness that the sport gave me.
Whether it’s a late afternoon run into the setting sun or an early morning one with the lure of great possibilities ahead, there is a feeling of power and invincibility that comes as you watch the kilometres adding up behind your feet. Lately the weather is not co-operating with my efforts and I am barely clinging to the concept of being a runner by a tenuous thread!
Whether you take the time alone at home, on the road in your running shoes, or on an isolated retreat, there is something sacred and sweet about solitude; and when you know that you can be alone and be OK, then you know you are altogether OK.
- Thembe Khumalo writes in her personal capacity. Readers’ comments can be sent to [email protected]. Follow Thembe on Twitter www.twitter/localdrummer or visit her facebook page www.facebook.com/localdrummerzw
