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NewsDay

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The house on a hill

Opinion & Analysis
In my neighbourhood there is a spectacular house set high up on a hill for all to see.

In my neighbourhood there is a spectacular house set high up on a hill for all to see.

Column by Thembe Khumalo

It is clearly architect designed to the taste of a specific user and anyone approaching the area can see and marvel at it from a mile away.

As often happens with anything that looks different or unusual, rumours abound about the occupant of that house.

Some say she is a lonely and abandoned woman with no friends and no children paying homage, and only has her money for company. Others say she is a power-hungry savage who manipulates everyone within sight and only cares about money.

Others think the owner is a show-off for such a creating conspicuous structure and positioning it where it is sure to attract attention.

Now, I don’t know anything about this house or its owner, but what I know about being different would suggest that the occupants of that house are possibly lonely, perhaps alienated from those around them and maybe even longing for an opportunity to share some level of intimacy with others.

The best description of intimacy that I have ever heard was delivered by a pastor during a sermon and it expounds that intimacy equals “into-me-see”.

By that he meant that true intimacy can only be achieved by allowing another person to see into you, by making yourselves totally vulnerable to the other party.

Now you can see why this would not be an attractive proposition for many people; because no one wants to be laughed at, ridiculed or hurt. But when you think about it, it really is the only way to develop meaningful adult relationships with others.

Anything else becomes superficial and lacks authenticity.

When one is obviously different from others, either in the way they look, think or act, the risks that intimacy poses are even greater, because the ridicule and exclusion that comes with being different is not so much a fear, but a reality that is experienced and suffered from day to day.

In her book Fabulosity, millionaire model and business mogul Kimora Lee Simmons describes herself as having been a “total misfit” in childhood. She suffered taunts and teasing because of her height and her unusual appearance.

But in the end, these were the very qualities that made her a much sought after model. My children regularly ask me to remind them of the reasons why it’s OK to be different. It’s not difficult for me to explain, but getting them to believe me is another job altogether!

I sometimes despair when I watch them walk away in their matching school kit because I recognise that the school system prizes uniformity, compliance and conformity. It kills individualism, originality and creativity, making it difficult for a child to appreciate that what is unique about himself may actually be a good thing.

One of my favourite examples of someone different who went on to accomplish great things is Moses.

Moses was a short guy from a dodgy background with a lisp and a lot of self-esteem issues. But through his faith in God, (and even that didn’t come easy) he was able to overcome his fear and launch one of the greatest leadership missions in history.

When you are a child, to be laughed at by your mates is an unthinkable horror, but even as adults, we struggle to maintain our authenticity in the face of pressure to conform and the desire to “keep up with the Joneses”.

Little do we realise that on the other side of rejection and exclusion, there is immense freedom and a whole lot of peace.

So when I am driving home and I look at that majestic house on the hill, I am not filled with envy, nor am I filled with distate at the thought of what might lie therein.

Instead, I am filled with compassion and I secretly offer a thumbs-up in support.

Because I know what it is to be different from those around you, to be misunderstood, and to buck the trend, not because one wants to attract attention, but because one really has no choice, but to be true to oneself.