For ages, our fathers used to leave our mothers behind at home going to far-away countries in search of fortune, but they returned home after years to find their families and marriages intact.
Report by Jairos Saunyama Own Correspondent
The family would have to wait in anticipation of the return of the father despite the long period some men were away.
The wife in particular would endure the struggle of living without her husband and would remain faithful until the day the husband would return. And such patience characterised the type of marriage these people experienced. It was rare for men to bring back new wives.
But today’s excursions into the Diaspora have brought in a new phenomenon characterised by lack of affection, divorce, cheating, hatred and emotional abuses of untold proportions now reign supreme.
In an interview with some in the Diaspora who returned home during the festive, it emerged that married men and women remarried in the United Kingdom and other countries.
“It is no longer an issue. People are getting married again in the Diaspora with some even having white weddings, but back home they would have spouses,” said Natasha Chikata, who resides in Manchester, England.
“It is not surprising seeing a woman whom you know has a spouse back home getting married to a fine young man in the UK.
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“I know of a few women who are now nursing children from Diaspora marriage, but have family back home.”
Another Diasporan in the UK, Rudo Chiwaya, said the issue of acquiring citizenship had seen people getting married to other partners to get the necessary documents.
“Infidelity is a major cause of marital fissures here. Men openly cheat on their wives and the wives, having been emotionally abused and sexually starved, or in some cases, their husbands unable to perform the role in a manner deemed to be satisfactory, have taken their desires elsewhere.
“Some men bring marital problems to themselves by marrying women who are above their pedigree in every manner possible. “You will find a guy who, for instance, may earn a living doing odd and menial jobs, going home to bring a wife who is a medical doctor, pharmacist or nurse, lawyer and so on.
“He may not have any formal education, he may have no intellectual capabilities, and all he has is the ability to bring someone to the UK by virtue of his citizenship.
“How do you reconcile such a scenario where the woman – a thoroughbred professional — is happy being married to a man whom she can’t have a meeting point of minds?” she said.
Of late, cases of Zimbabwean men attacking their wives with blunt objects and often killing them have been reported. Diaspora marriages are going through very tough times. This has destabilised the family unit that was once the pride of the African in the Diaspora.
One of the major issues couples find themselves struggling with is cheating that has seen both parties moving on. It is no longer the issue of money or any other thing, but infidelity seems to rule among people in the Diaspora with most of them reportedly having “second families”.
As a consequence, the dysfunctional state of affairs in many Diaspora marriages has at times led to deadlocked relationships, with couples hanging in there just for the children or because they are afraid of the social stigma that comes about with divorce and separation.
But the truth is that most people who are married to partners in the Diaspora are wasting time as their partners are already in alternative family settings.
Sociologist Darlington Nyabiko noted that one of the major factors contributing to this phenomenon is that Zimbabwean or in fact African men and women in the Diaspora are very different in their way of thinking and that at some stage, their marriages cannot hold anymore due to these differences.
“Most people who go to the Diaspora think that they are better than the ones behind. For example, as the Zimbabwean woman in the United Kingdom advances herself career-wise, she outpaces her man back home financially and socially.
“Sooner or later, both find themselves on different economic levels, dealing with different environments and hanging around with different people and the perspective of things that they once shared starts to disintegrate.
“While the woman moves up the ladder, the man is usually left struggling trying to find his footing.
“For instance, a good number of African men do not integrate into the system as well as the women do in the healthcare sector where most of the Zimbabwean women work, while the corporate world where men would fare well remains so competitive that only the boldest survive,” he said.
In addition, Nyabiko said laws in the Western countries favour women to the detriment of the men, which is contrary to traditions in many African countries.
The woman finds new confidence from the protection of the law and is not afraid to stand her ground, while the man feels helpless.
Pastor Lloyd Fengu of Marondera said people were no longer committing their marriages in God’s hands.
“People must learn to know that every marriage works with the help of the Lord. But nowadays people are co-habiting and they say they are married.
“Whether one is away or not, couples should value their marriage and this can only happen to those who work with God,” he said.
