I have experienced the agony of domestic violence and I must speak out, because we men have suffered in silence and have been shortchanged in our love life by our women. When we react they cry foul.
My wife often received late night calls and whenever I confronted her, she would say the caller was informing her that the order she had placed was ready for collection.
She would tell me the person was in Norton when they were in Msasa.
When I asked her she would start shouting at me. What do you do with such a woman?
At one time she went to her relative’s funeral wake in Norton during the night. I was out of town. I had told her to wait since I would make it very early in the morning, but she phoned a male friend who picked her up at 2100hrs and they got to Norton at 2300hrs.
When we met at the funeral, I asked her how she had come and she said a friend, Joyce, had driven her.
It turned out the number saved in her phone as Joyce belonged to a guy called Peter.
She went to the rural home for the funeral. When she came back, she sent a text message to the same man telling him she was back in Harare.
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She forgot to delete the message and when she came home, she lied that she had slept at her father’s house in Zengeza before spending the day with a sick aunt in Mbare.
It later turned out that the “sick aunt” was not even in Mbare at the time, but had travelled to Mazowe.
I asked her about the text message. I wanted to cut her to pieces, but I could not so I just went to the bar.
I had the misfortune of marrying an abusive woman.
Now that I have left her. Many who knew us confessed they thought I had been one of her many boyfriends. When I tell them she was my wife, they advise me to go for an HIV test.
During the time I spent with her, I became a drunkard and a wanderer for home was no longer sweet.
How many men can live a life with a woman who is a serial cheater? Because she is never caught red-handed, she is innocent, but deep down she knows that she is doing heinous things. On Sunday she is in her church uniform.
At one time she had a swelling on her privates. To me it looked like an STI, but she would not admit it. Her behaviour led me into drinking and womanising. Now if we are HIV positive, who is to blame? Fingers will be pointed at the man. What about all that chain of boyfriends she had?
This is a common pattern in many homes. My children saw me blowing up because she would speak to me rudely in their presence.
Along the way, I got another wife. How I wish I had met her first.
For the 12 years we have been together, we have never exchanged any harsh words, even when her sister tried to persuade her to leave me after learning of my past.
We talked it through and she understood me. I tell her whenever I am visiting my children and she has no issues with it. She used to be bitter because I had not told her about my past, but we are OK now.
I was arraigned before the courts when I broke my first wife’s phone, not her bone. I felt bad and replaced her phone immediately, but I was still taken to the courts.
The police at Mabelreign Police Station were professional. They did not arrest me because of the inconsistencies in her narrative. I could have been locked up.
She wanted our children to be witnesses. Because the children had witnessed all her bad behaviour, they refused to stand against me saying their evidence could actually incriminate her. She absconded the court session.
I went to court and was told I was free and I could go home. Trying to ask the court to bar me from home meant she did not want me there.
I wanted to have a discussion with her about it, but she said she did not want to talk to me anymore. So I left.
I knew that she was buying a stand behind my back and her mother was forcing me to sell our home and share the proceeds.
I told them to get lost for the home was for the chidren and if they wanted they could discuss such a transaction with the children.
I feel bitter when men are at the receiving end of the blame game. We have kept our silence.
None in her family new about it except her father.
He is the one who spilled the beans on the stand not knowing it was being bought in secret. I did not ask her, but expected she would apologise for that and tell me about the stand.
She did not and I have not asked even up to now.
- This article was sent by a reader who requested to remain anonymous.
