ZIMBABWE and indeed many Southern African countries are largely Christian nations which view a failed marriage as the ultimate sin. This unfortunate trend is the total opposite of their rank-and-file conservative Christian counterparts in the European nations who have woken up to the realisation that divorce may be the solution to a disintegrating marriage.
Report by Jairos Saunyama Own Correspondent
Some prominent church leaders divorce and continue to lead thousands of Christians in their ministries, but in Zimbabwe, divorce is still taboo among people with most men being blamed for initiating it despite women empowerment programmes that have seen women also filing for divorce.
Zimbabwe has seen an increase in divorce cases with most men being the ones to initiate divorce paper work.
Statistics from the High Court of Zimbabwe indicate an increase in the number of divorce cases in the country. In 2011, the High Court received a total of 1 551 divorce cases, a 21% increase from the 1 216 cases received in 2010. And the number is likely to double for 2012 statistics.
In whatever case, life has to go on after getting divorced, but it seems most men regret it.
Most men interviewed on their life after divorce expressed unhappiness and it was clear that most of them were regretting and afraid to move on.
“I was a pastor at a local Pentecostal. Since I got divorced I never went back to church.
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“I am so shy to face the people because they think I am stupid, but that is not true.
“Divorce is automatic and cannot be planned. So my major challenge is what the society thinks about me,” said Pastor Titus Mabwe.
Taurai Mhande (54), of Marondera, said: “It was indeed hell in a cell the first month I got divorced. Everybody would say how can this old man divorce his wife of 14 years?
“The community will see you as a lunatic. I suffered from depression till I accepted the situation.
“At times I would think of my children and even my ex-wife, but it was all water under the bridge.
“The other annoying thing is about maintenance and child custody issues. Being dragged to court all the time is something that is worrisome.
“However, with time I got over it, but I still have the memories of my first marriage.
“The fact that you are no longer staying with someone you used to love can haunt you for the rest of your life.”
Lyoid Mbire said: “Since I got divorced, it has been difficult for me to move on because I am no longer confident with myself. I feel I will divorce again.”
A Harare marriage counsellor Rita Ndambakuwa said men are often weak and dejected after getting divorced.
“Men, after divorce, often live an invisible life of pain and suffering. The absolute disintegration of their life and identity takes a toll that few people see or want to deal with.
“Society is happy enough to see and deal with the tears of women, but we seem collectively uncomfortable seeing a man in distress and so we ignore it.
“To add to this problem, men who find it hard to move on after divorce do not actively seek help from other because of this problem. Often they feel it will make them look and feel weak.
“This bottling up of emotions and lack of perspective leads men to feel they are isolated and shunned. In fact, many feel shunned because they often are shunned by a portion of the community who take it upon themselves to demonise the husband in a failed marriage no matter what the circumstances,” she said.
Sociologist Darlington Nyabiko said: “Life after divorce for males could be many things, depending on the situation. It may be a relief. It can be horribly unhappy or any number of other emotional upsets.
“Every man’s divorce is totally different and personal. Whatever the feelings that arise for men after divorce, every divorced man should discover a method of transferring on after divorce.
“Much of the divorce recovery course for men will rely on the nature and depth of their marriages.
“Given enough time, it feels impossible to live without someone to whom you have been married. After divorce, there is need to reconnect with your own individuality,” he said.
